[Eminent]

I don't really have anyone to talk to so I went browsing. Umm my story is I always felt there was something missing from my life, then I got a girlfriend and I had never been so happy. I am very shy with not really much confidence so this made me so happy because I never thought I would ever find someone.

Everything seemed so great at the beginning (like all relationships are). I used to work late nights 6pm until 10pm and every time I went to work I missed her to bits, and then I started hearing stories she was cheating on me. So I changed my shifts to start at 6am in the morning so I could spend the evenings with her and be back before she woke up because I loved her being with me all day and it made my mind settle at ease. This situation then stopped and we got closer. We started going out in May 2007 and by October 2007 I was playing music on her phone and came across a recorded phone call conversation in her media folder. I played it and she was on the phone to a friend that used to be very close to me saying "If she broke up with me would he go out with her". I asked her about it and we argued and I asked if he came around that day she said yes to pick up some jeans he had left from a few weeks previous. I asked if she went hung out with him that day and she said no, that was when the lies started. She did hang out with him that day for a few hours.

The next month she said she was going to the shopping center with once of her friends that I didn't know, I didn't believe her so I waited outside of her house for 45 minutes and a different friend turned up in his car. I was so stunned. I text her saying that car she got into looked like my friends and she came up with some excuse. I then started to lose trust in her, Christmas then came along but I had started to go through her phone messages every now and then, then her myspace and Facebook. (I know I was wrong but I needed clarification to help me trust her more again). Nothing was going on so I stopped snooping. We then went to london in January for a few days and then a few months went by. Then we went back down to london in march for her birthday.

May came back around and she told me she told someone in a club she was single after they were chatting, I asked who and she said it was just a random person. Another lie. So I started snooping in her phone etc again. She always used to text a lot of guys which I didn't like because I was just so insecure about it. So what am I meant to think? I lasted nearly a whole year of her continually texting different guys and she was always a big flirt even if she never done anything with them. We then booked a holiday together and everything was going great. 2 days after we booked the holiday with her family we argued it wasn't a bad argument and we always pulled through them. But she had apparently wanted to break up for sometime but if that were true why did she let us book a holiday together and get so happy about us going on holiday together. So I then came to thinking something happened when she went out on her night out. She then broke up with me 6 days before our year anniversary I was devastated, and to kill me more inside I had lost all off my friends except 1 who I only hang around with and when he isn't available I am bored, depressed and pretty much don't want to live anymore because I spent all of my time wit her and now I am all my by self now that she is gone, all I do is think about her and wonder what she is up to and who she is with it drives me insane.

10 days after we broke up she slept with the person she told she was single in the club. That pretty much sent me over the edge because I was trying so hard to get her back and saying don't give up on us and she was sleeping with someone else. I couldn't believe she could still love me or at least say she does and she wouldn't give up and still had feelings for me and she could sleep with someone else more than once.

Things settled down after a few weeks and we still went on holiday together, had an OK time on holiday few arguments about her flirting with guys over there and then staying out all night I just didn't know what to believe, I didn't and still don't believe she did not do anything with someone over there. We came back to the uk and she started college then got a job in a night club wearing quite revealing outfits. I didn't like it but she did so I tuned out until she came in at 4, 5 and 6am texting a guy from work. So we argued about that.

we were OK after that for a few weeks little niggle arguments but nothing major and out of no where again a little argument and she didn't want to be around me anymore "again"!! Without anything I was suddenly alone again and without answers she wouldn't and still won't tell me.

I then found ended up with a conversation in my email out of no where that she had with a different guy about our relationship saying it was my fault because every time we argued I said some horrible things (not going to deny) but I did after everything she had done and we had been through. But arguments work both ways she was horrible and I was. She said it was my fault we broke up because something's I said were out of order but I never and would never call her anything like "fat" because she was the complete opposite she is stunning, smart amazing except her down falls is a compulsive liar. When guys pay her attention she reacts a lot of the time and flirts back and I started to lose trust again.

She basically blamed me for wanting to break up and she stayed around me because she found it hard to tell me. It was sort of obvious she didn't want to be around me because she came up with excuses every time I tried to be intimate with her it was like she didn't want me anymore. This was very upsetting to me before I found out she didn't want to be around me and was forcing her self to do it. She didn't want to come around but she did.

I know I was wrong for going through her phone etc but trust issues were a problem especially as she loved guys attention, she never stopped texting them and she went out with my friends behind my back which made me lose friendship with them because they wanted to sleep with her. Am I wrong in going behind her back and checking? I mean I am sure any guy would do exactly what I done and she said I had no reason to check up on her but yet she ended up in bed with the guy straight after we broke up, she was texting guys all the time, the person she told she was single. Now I have no one. Completely alone with no one to hand around with. I try to go out night clubbing to meet people but no one seems interested and when I get the confidence to say "hi" I get shot back down.

It wasn't all my fault because if she had not done some of the things she had done I wouldn't have and some of the names that were exchanged wouldn't have came out either.

I am so alone I don't go out much because there is no one to go out with, there is nothing to do I am always bored and I can't do anything but think what she is up to because she is so outgoing, lively and very attractive she will be with someone all of the time and even finding her self someone else to sleep with and kiss etc. It is so easy for her and now I am left thinking about her 24/7 dying inside :( I am sick of having 1 friend and I bet he is sick of hearing about the same situations because that's all I talk about and I just can't help it.

can not get her off my mind

I just don't see how she can blame it on me. She told him my bad points but failed to mention the things that she done by lying and going behind my back... was I wrong to suspect and snoop because if I asked she would have lied. (previous experience, checked then asked and she lied) and would any other guy out there have done exactly the same?

sorry it is so long. I have a lot of things on my mind.

[lady_rose]

Jealousy does drive people away though. I do my husband that way now, look in his phone, emails, wallet. BUT he has given me reason to be jealous, just the other day he told me to stop or we are over with. My husband does chat a lot and that drives me nuts. But I promised to stop being jealous. So I am working on that. You know that can be a habit for someone, it is like a diesease, maybe she gets her kicks from texting. I would say let it go and move on...

[TrueFaith]

Don't you dare start saying that any guy would have done what you did! By looking at the phones and reading emails.

Not everyone is the same kiddo

If I was your friend I would hit you in the back of the head. And tell you to snap out of it ;)


There are so many mistakes here.

I just can't find one to pick at.. . (Hits Head)


Ok First we will start with you my friend :)

You're a nice guy OK and what I'm about to say is not personal even though it may seem very much so.

You are insecuer.
You are needy
You are jelouse
You made her life your life!
You got lost in a relationship

Ok so that stuff right there. Is never good for any relationship. But don't worrie the worst mistake is still to come..
You want to know what it was

YOU TOOK HER BACK AFTER SHE SLEEPT WITH SOMEONE ELES!!!! AND THEN WENT ON HOLIDAY WITH HER!?? AHH!


She wanted to brake up and you wonder why she went on the holiday.
HELLO HOLIDAY! Its free and probable you paid for most of it. Or she just got the best chance to go
Either way her reasons where selfish.
And you made a massive mistake!

And the second you knew about that. You should have told her I'm 2nd best to no one!
And left her.
Even if she did say she loved you and all that la la crap. Its just words
And Actions speak louder than words!
And her actions were not of those of love!

And about blame don't listen too much about that
Yeah your not pefect
And she is far from it as well.

So having a person like that judge you should be water of a ducks back!

The lonely part yes we all feel very bad after a relationship dies.

Here's how you can feel better

GO NO CONTACT
Work on yourself and your own little issue
Join a gym build up yourself confidance
There are so many things you can do to make yourself feel better trust me
You don't do it because you are brooding.

Well you better get off your butt and start doing. Because if you stay the way you are life will just pass you by

I would not worrie about finding someone else until you get can get your own emotions and actions in check.

Next time your in a relationship Don't lose yourself. Have your own goals and your own way.
You need to get the. I need someone in my life to make me better crap, out of your head

[JBeaucaire]

Life should be kept simple. Anything you say or do should stand on its own, regardless of any "other side". That means you have to be able to shoulder your actions/words even when no one knows the "whole truth".

In short, reasons may seem to make some words/actions OK, but they don't. Reasons are personal, actions and words are external. You will be judged by the external, so never say or do anything that isn't completely YOU, because few (if any) people will care about the "reasons" you did it.

It's funny, I bet the things she's accusing you of are 100% true, minus the reasons, aren't they? Admit it. I'm not talking about tone or details, just basically she's right when she depicts what you've said and done.

And you try to defend it by pointing out things in HER actions? How silly is that?

Just because someone says something about you in a derogatory way doesn't make it wrong, its just mean. So... it's still basically true... including her "accusations" about why you broke up. I think at the most basic level... it's all true.

You will find no peace with this girl. You have nothing to build on, and the best you can do now after-the-fact is this spiraling down of negative analysis about what is or isn't in her head. It doesn't matter what is in her head. It's over.

Every moment you spend on analyzing her in any way from here on is a wasted moment.

[talaniman]

I would have been gone as soon as I started to doubt her.

[SimpleguyJoe]

I agree with Talaniman, once you have reasonable doubt just let them go. There are more fish in the sea. Some girls just have an unfeedable appitite with flirting, lying and playing guys. You don't want to admit it but it's true. This girl is getting SO much attention that she thinks she can do whatever the hell she wants. She will have a reality check some day down the road. But until then just stay away!

Im also not going to say that she is the only one at fault. Couples check each others phones a lot I see it ALL the time. But that's besides the point, the ONLY way to handle a girl like that is with lots of confidence, finesse and a little bit of self control and having a spine to stand up to her. You handled this 100% the wrong way but this is OK you need to salvage your life and pull all the experience from this last terrible year and use if in your future so it does not happen again. Fact is that it DID happens and it sucks but the she is moving on, she filled her "Single" void so fast that's she did not even have to try. It just proves you want nothing to do with her cause you mean little to NOTHING to her. So why go through all the trouble bud?

So man up, start improving yourself by running and working out so join a gym if you have extra money. Take it a day at a time and make yourself presentable to your next GF =), also they say your first love is the hardest to get over. The fact that you dated a blood sucking B***h does not help but hey what can you do? ( I was in about the same situation not NEARLY as bad as yours but some consistencies and I'm already just about over it. The crappiest thing about this is that girl probably had no thoughts that what she was doing was wrong either)

[Eminent]

As to what JBeaucaire said it is not all true what she said I had said and done and I am not saying this to defend what I had done so I don't look bad in this... I know I done wrong in going through messages etc. But if she is a compulsive liar and had lied after I knew the real answer then what am I meant to do. I know deep down she is better than she makes out to be.

Coming from her moms mouth she never went out or had many friends when she was younger, when she got older she got very attractive and grew some attributes to her chest. Then all of these guys started to pay her attention and some girls... but it is impossible to have any sort of stable relationship with a compulsive liar if there lying about the smallest of things. And when it comes to your girlfriend continually texting guys all day from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep you start having doubts. So yes I do believe other guys would have done the same by going through messages or the smarter ones would have just said "Bye" from the start.

I do regret saying things which when you think of them now where absolutely pointless and now I am paying for them by not having her in my life anymore. I do believe if I acted a bit different when we argued by not saying stupid things like "f**k Off" then maybe we would not have broken up in the first place. But there is NO excuse to tell another guy your single because you think he is cute when your in a relationship. NO excuse what's so ever especially since we had never argued for sometime when she done that. NO female should EVER tell another guy / female they are single when in a relationship and they should NOT text different guys daily and go behind your back with your own friends.

I made a mistake and now I do think she is moving on as she has proven she does not care or love me anymore from previous and current things which people have been telling me about. Yet I am the idiot still dwelling on her and can't help it. Especially as I do not want to move on from her because I was happy with her because at the end of the day I knew she was coming back to me even if we argued I knew she would be there for me. Now well I am screwed basically.

I do believe I am to blame for the break up if I acted different to arguments.

Thank you for some comments. Least you people are honest and I have not had honesty in a while.

[Romefalls19]

I agree with True Faith, not every guy is the same. Going through phones, myspaces, facebooks and e-mails is what a teenager does, not an adult. An adult would leave as soon as the trust was broken, it's hard enough putting trust into someone in a relationship it's even harder trying to earn it back after it's been broken. And as for everyone being the same, I live with my fiancée and could have perfect access to her phone every night along with her e-mail accounts because she's on my computer. I just respect boundaries, the only time I look at her phone is when it rings and she's getting ready and that's on the external display to tell her who is calling or texting. If you don't trust the person you're with, then you shouldn't be with them. You found out early on what type of person she was, yet you changed your whole life to be around her(work schedule and friends) Dude, what were you thinking!

[Eminent]

I didn't go through her phone etc every time I thought something was up. I was flicking through her music and a recorded conversation was in that file under a song name. I asked her about it and she lied so I told her I knew she said it. Umm I then looked into it a little bit further. The looked into it for the fact that the person she was on the phone to she used to play him and his friend against each other, she didn't want them but she didn't want them having anyone else either.

I still had as much access to all of her accounts and phone but I knew I had to trust her so I did not go through them for months until she came in 1 day and said she had told me she told someone she was single. I found that out because it was one of my sisters friends. She did know his name but she lied and said she didn't. The guy she told she was single was from a previous bar job that I got her so she did know his name. I asked her about it and she said she doesn't know why she lied but nothing was going on. I couldn't take her word for it so I went through her phone etc again.

I only went through even though I shouldn't have at times I knew something was up. It wasn't as your probably all thinking I done it everyday and every chance I could... It really was not like that, it was only when she wasn't being her self and I knew something was up. She was receiving text messages from him and texting him a lot.

I was unhappy with my work schedule so it sort of worked out quite well to change it to be around her and I never really had the friends to begin with. I have never really had a lot of friends to begin with and when she came along I was so happy.

As for the thinking, I wasn't thinking I got to caught up being happy with someone there pretty much all the time because I was lonely before I met her. Now I am back to square 1 and stuck in a rut.

[TrueFaith]

Listen to me now.

Because this is important

You still! Did it! OK
And that is not good.
And you always said that any guy would do the same.. not true

It does not matter the reason why.
We all have our reasons.
The Action was not right.

Yeah she does not sound like the best girl
And all this is because
you Did not leave once the Trust was broken.

Stop kicking your slef man
She sounds like a very flirty girl
And your insecuer... That's the WORST combo ever!

Work on your issues grow from this.

[Eminent]

I know I still did it...
I know I was wrong...
I had reasons but yea they were not the right actions and the reason why other guys would not have done it is due to the fact they would have broke up once the trust was broke...

Which I know it was what I should have done.

I got caught up and hadn't been happier without her so I thought we could work through it. Another bad decision.

[TrueFaith]

My friend look forward to a better life with out her :)
You will be stronger for this!
Don't be to hard on yourself
The relationship was doomed the 2nd trust was gone.
Not because you told her to F. off

[Eminent]

Its hard to look forward to something happier without her when there isn't anything in your life to be happier about.

[Romefalls19]

Dude, spare me the "nothing in life to be happy about" crap!

1. You're alive
2. You're healthy
3. You can use all you body parts

That's more than most people can say in their life! So you lost a girl, it won't be the last I can put money on that. Mourn over your loss for a little bit then get up on your feet and start making things happen for yourself because nothing is going to be handed to you!

[talaniman]

Its hard to look forward to something happier without her when there isn't anything in your life to be happier about.

The good news, you have the power to change that, just get busy.:D

The bad news, it requires a lot of hard work to accomplish the goal of a life you enjoy, and your happy about. :eek:

[SimpleguyJoe]

I am not saying this to defend what I had done so I don't look bad in this... I know I done wrong in going through messages etc. But if she is a compulsive liar and had lied after I knew the real answer then what am I meant to do. I know deep down she is better than she makes out to be.

Honestly I don't think your 100% to blame here... You had a BAD girlfriend one that you should have never started to date in the first place! Would you of dated her if you knew what would happen in the future? I think NO.

You think she is better than she is made out to be? I think as a person MAYBE, as a girlfriend NOT a chance. This is not the type of girl that you date this is the type that guys take advantage of and then she thinks the guys have genuine interest and feelings when they don't all they want is sex. But it still makes her feel like the queen of the free world because she can make guys jump through hoops to get her. Most of the time NOTHING goes past PHYSICAL attraction.

Coming from her moms mouth she never went out or had many friends when she was younger, when she got older she got very attractive and grew some attributes to her chest. Then all of these guys started to pay her attention and some girls... but it is impossible to have any sort of stable relationship with a compulsive liar if there lying about the smallest of things. And when it comes to your girlfriend continually texting guys all day from the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep you start having doubts.

Yes it is ALMOST impossible unless a guy that can control it comes around and that is unlikely at best. This girl is doomed in relationships until she gets things into perspective.

If my girl did nothing but talk to guys that had interest with her beyond being a friend then what can you do? I know by the end of a week of that kind of stuff happening I would not have her around anymore (this should be one lesson you only learn once). I bet it felt like playing a neverending game of "king of the hill" with a hill that WANTED you to trip and fall off. Her doing this was only telling you she did not care about your feelings ONE bit.

I do regret saying things which when you think of them now where absolutely pointless and now I am paying for them by not having her in my life anymore. I do believe if I acted a bit different when we argued by not saying stupid things like "f**k Off" then maybe we would not have broken up in the first place. But there is NO excuse to tell another guy your single because you think he is cute when your in a relationship. NO excuse whats so ever especially since we had never argued for sometime when she done that. NO female should EVER tell another guy / female they are single when in a relationship and they should NOT text different guys daily and go behind your back with your own friends.

Your right there is NO excuse for that kind of behavior it basically tells you " I dont care im in a relationship because im still looking for fun or something better."

So why would you even want that back? Move on! You could have been less mean about it though even though she has problems you still don't have the right to yell.

I made a mistake and now I do think she is moving on as she has proven she does not care or love me anymore from previous and current things which people have been telling me about. yet I am the idiot still dwelling on her and can't help it. Especially as I do not want to move on from her because I was happy with her because at the end of the day I knew she was coming back to me even if we argued I knew she would be there for me. Now well I am screwed basically.

You did make some mistakes but live and learn as we all do and don't make them again. Realize when your in over your head so you can save yourself the hurt.

Was she really there for you at the end of the day or am I being too harsh? A girl like this seems to have CHEAT written all over her. So don't dwell on her your only giving her more thoughts that she is the best and can do whatever she wants.

Why were you happy settling for a girl that does not even care for you on a true level, wake up, smell the coffee, and snap out of it.

I do believe I am to blame for the break up if I acted different to arguments.

Thank you for some comments. least you people are honest and I have not had honesty in a while.

Your both to blame if she was not acting that way you would not have resort to snooping around next time this happens just get out.