My Story. Comments would be appreciated.
I don't really have anyone to talk to so I went browsing. Umm my story is I always felt there was something missing from my life, then I got a girlfriend and I had never been so happy. I am very shy with not really much confidence so this made me so happy because I never thought I would ever find someone.
Everything seemed so great at the beginning (like all relationships are). I used to work late nights 6pm until 10pm and every time I went to work I missed her to bits, and then I started hearing stories she was cheating on me. So I changed my shifts to start at 6am in the morning so I could spend the evenings with her and be back before she woke up because I loved her being with me all day and it made my mind settle at ease. This situation then stopped and we got closer. We started going out in May 2007 and by October 2007 I was playing music on her phone and came across a recorded phone call conversation in her media folder. I played it and she was on the phone to a friend that used to be very close to me saying "If she broke up with me would he go out with her". I asked her about it and we argued and I asked if he came around that day she said yes to pick up some jeans he had left from a few weeks previous. I asked if she went hung out with him that day and she said no, that was when the lies started. She did hang out with him that day for a few hours.
The next month she said she was going to the shopping center with once of her friends that I didn't know, I didn't believe her so I waited outside of her house for 45 minutes and a different friend turned up in his car. I was so stunned. I text her saying that car she got into looked like my friends and she came up with some excuse. I then started to lose trust in her, Christmas then came along but I had started to go through her phone messages every now and then, then her myspace and Facebook. (I know I was wrong but I needed clarification to help me trust her more again). Nothing was going on so I stopped snooping. We then went to london in January for a few days and then a few months went by. Then we went back down to london in march for her birthday.
May came back around and she told me she told someone in a club she was single after they were chatting, I asked who and she said it was just a random person. Another lie. So I started snooping in her phone etc again. She always used to text a lot of guys which I didn't like because I was just so insecure about it. So what am I meant to think? I lasted nearly a whole year of her continually texting different guys and she was always a big flirt even if she never done anything with them. We then booked a holiday together and everything was going great. 2 days after we booked the holiday with her family we argued it wasn't a bad argument and we always pulled through them. But she had apparently wanted to break up for sometime but if that were true why did she let us book a holiday together and get so happy about us going on holiday together. So I then came to thinking something happened when she went out on her night out. She then broke up with me 6 days before our year anniversary I was devastated, and to kill me more inside I had lost all off my friends except 1 who I only hang around with and when he isn't available I am bored, depressed and pretty much don't want to live anymore because I spent all of my time wit her and now I am all my by self now that she is gone, all I do is think about her and wonder what she is up to and who she is with it drives me insane.
10 days after we broke up she slept with the person she told she was single in the club. That pretty much sent me over the edge because I was trying so hard to get her back and saying don't give up on us and she was sleeping with someone else. I couldn't believe she could still love me or at least say she does and she wouldn't give up and still had feelings for me and she could sleep with someone else more than once.
Things settled down after a few weeks and we still went on holiday together, had an OK time on holiday few arguments about her flirting with guys over there and then staying out all night I just didn't know what to believe, I didn't and still don't believe she did not do anything with someone over there. We came back to the uk and she started college then got a job in a night club wearing quite revealing outfits. I didn't like it but she did so I tuned out until she came in at 4, 5 and 6am texting a guy from work. So we argued about that.
we were OK after that for a few weeks little niggle arguments but nothing major and out of no where again a little argument and she didn't want to be around me anymore "again"!! Without anything I was suddenly alone again and without answers she wouldn't and still won't tell me.
I then found ended up with a conversation in my email out of no where that she had with a different guy about our relationship saying it was my fault because every time we argued I said some horrible things (not going to deny) but I did after everything she had done and we had been through. But arguments work both ways she was horrible and I was. She said it was my fault we broke up because something's I said were out of order but I never and would never call her anything like "fat" because she was the complete opposite she is stunning, smart amazing except her down falls is a compulsive liar. When guys pay her attention she reacts a lot of the time and flirts back and I started to lose trust again.
She basically blamed me for wanting to break up and she stayed around me because she found it hard to tell me. It was sort of obvious she didn't want to be around me because she came up with excuses every time I tried to be intimate with her it was like she didn't want me anymore. This was very upsetting to me before I found out she didn't want to be around me and was forcing her self to do it. She didn't want to come around but she did.
I know I was wrong for going through her phone etc but trust issues were a problem especially as she loved guys attention, she never stopped texting them and she went out with my friends behind my back which made me lose friendship with them because they wanted to sleep with her. Am I wrong in going behind her back and checking? I mean I am sure any guy would do exactly what I done and she said I had no reason to check up on her but yet she ended up in bed with the guy straight after we broke up, she was texting guys all the time, the person she told she was single. Now I have no one. Completely alone with no one to hand around with. I try to go out night clubbing to meet people but no one seems interested and when I get the confidence to say "hi" I get shot back down.
It wasn't all my fault because if she had not done some of the things she had done I wouldn't have and some of the names that were exchanged wouldn't have came out either.
I am so alone I don't go out much because there is no one to go out with, there is nothing to do I am always bored and I can't do anything but think what she is up to because she is so outgoing, lively and very attractive she will be with someone all of the time and even finding her self someone else to sleep with and kiss etc. It is so easy for her and now I am left thinking about her 24/7 dying inside :( I am sick of having 1 friend and I bet he is sick of hearing about the same situations because that's all I talk about and I just can't help it.
can not get her off my mind
I just don't see how she can blame it on me. She told him my bad points but failed to mention the things that she done by lying and going behind my back... was I wrong to suspect and snoop because if I asked she would have lied. (previous experience, checked then asked and she lied) and would any other guy out there have done exactly the same?
sorry it is so long. I have a lot of things on my mind.
