[Daniel_sh]

Hi,

I have a problem and I am confused what to do now.

I had a girlfriend of four years. We were extremely close and loved each other like hell and could not live without each other. We wanted to get married and get old with each other but we were confused throughout as our lives were heading in different directions and we did not know how to make it work on a long run. We had issues related some things in the future to which we could not come to a common understanding. She moved to another city and I moved to another. Within two weeks she thought about us and realised she does not love me that much. And,she was not sure what to do. She started getting close to another person in her office who was already married and realised she started loving him though she knew she did not want to end up marrying him. And,she started pushing me away and told me she does not love me anymore. When I met her she realised she loved both.. but eventually she let go of him and she also told me she does not want me at all.. I found out something which was a misunderstanding and got physical with her. Though she forgave me for it she did not let go of it. Though we are still together but having a long distance relation she says now she does not love me at all. But I love her like her and not sure what to do.. she's very stubborn and is very difficult to make her change her decision. We still talk but she does not feel the same way about me now.. I don't know what to do.. She wants to see somebody else and does not want to end up with me because I was her first boyfriend. But she says "I am not sure if I want to marry you. Not now may be later I will think about it'.. A lot of things have happened and now I told her what we can do in future and how things will be.. But she's says she's not interested now.. I don't know what to do to get her back.. Please advice...

[kctiger]

Similar situation that I am going through. Once they say, "I am no longer in love with you" it is a done deal. That is something that has been going on for awhile. She still cares for you a bunch but does not love you as a parter. I know it's hard and I totally feel your situation. My ex started dating someone two weeks after she broke up with me, and we had been together for 4 1/2 years. People change, and no matter how much we don't want to admit it, it is just part of life. You just got to let it go, ASAP. Some people may tell you she is just 'confused' but that is BS. When someone tells you they don't love you anymore, then they are not confused. Let her go, and if she comes back then she is yours. I am sorry for your loss and understand completely with your pain. What I had to do was just erase myself from her life, and I am trying to erase hers from mine. Believe me, it gets better, but right now I know it sucks and I am sorry. Just come on this site because the people on here are life savers! Good luck.

[talaniman]

Even though you have been together a long time, she has changed her mind and wants something else, so accept it, heal, and regroup, and rebuild your life.

Leave her alone, and resist the urge to contact her in any form, or fashion, and for any reason.

[Daniel_sh]

Thanks for your advice, She came back to me one month back and she said she still does love me and care about me. Now after one month she says she does not feel anything.She does not think of me.We talk every night.. She says its not even a relationship now cause only I say I love you and all the sweet things.She does not say anything other than take care sleep well. She's extremely busy with work and gets no time to call me or talk to me.. We talk every night for few minutes.. It's like only I am trying to make an attempt. I still message her asking her if she ate but she does not reply and says she's extremely busy so she can't reply.. I have told her to take a break now and do everything she wants to.And,I will contact her after sometime to know if she wants to get back..

[kctiger]

I would not contact her. You cannot heal if you stay in thouch, PERIOD. If she wants you she will let you know, but don't hang on a string.

[castorbean49]

Sometimes when you leave her alone,and I mean leave her alone! No talking, no contact whatsoever,she may realize she feels more than she knew, but you cannot count on that!
Everyone has been where you are, unfortunately, and knows that the ONLY option for you to get better is to avoid her. You can't force someone to love you! I bet once you allow yourself to get on w your life someone will come along and you will be so glad you didn't end up w this person, but realize how unwise you were to spend so much time and energy trying to convince her to feel what she doesn't,at least not now. I have been there many times in my 59 years, and it does get easier, but I do agree w kctiger, once they tell you over and over that they don't love you anymore,it's done! Try to keep your mind busy,don't sit around hoping she will callyou and say she has changed her mind, and feel sorry for yourself, it will only make you more miserable! Force yourself to go do things and be w other people. It will help you and you never know when you might meet someone else,even better! It has happened to me every time. I always felt like the next person I met and then loved ,was even better than the one before,it's the truth! That saying"There's alot of fish in the sea", is very true! Give yourself the opportunity to meet someone else instead of "pining away" for this one. It's wasted energy and you deserve more than that. You are in my prayers, as I also know it's very hard to get over someone, but we humans are tough people, and we ARE survivors! YOU CAN & MUST DO THIS!
I care!

[Daniel_sh]

Thanks for your care,

She told me she's moved on but she's not dating anyone. She said she does not have time for it and she will not find time for sure.. two days back I did not message her at all day or call her.. She messaged me in the night saying I see you ve moved on.. good.. I am happy for you!.

[kctiger]

I am sorry for the pain, but just know that you will be all right! Feel free to vent, cause it will get harder before it gets better. Just a cold fact.

[JBeaucaire]

Understand one thing, Daniel... if she calls you up and says "Let's get back together" and you agree, you will also receive a follow-up call that she has made a mistake and she's sorry.

So, know in advance that even if it starts again, it will end again, and each time will be horrible on you since you just want it to stay going.

The only person who can save you from this is you. You have to accept what she really DOESN'T feel overall and not be tricked by the occasional fleeting feelings she will have. Don't get roped back in... it won't last.