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jkny17 · Oct 13, 2008, 02:52 PM

My boyfriend is a passionate guy, about things he loves. Good Beer is one of his biggest passions. When he is with me, family, or in a low key environement he is content having one or two drinks.

The problem is when he goes out with his guys. HE comes home absolutely wasted , unable to speak, and binge eats, and then blacks out. This happens almost once a week, but only when with friends. I can't tell if it's a "guy" thing, or if he has a major problem. Im starting to think it is one though, and I just told his sister and mother about it.

Im really struggling because when I tel him about the problem he is in denial , and its always the same excuses. He says, "Im bored, im tired, i work so hard, etc. " He said if anyone tried to intervene he wouldn't listen and that he could control it, but I'm not so sure he could. Im near the end and ready to give up. I don't want to be brought down anymore from this.

JudyKayTee · Oct 13, 2008, 02:55 PM

If he can't or won't control his drinking and it's adversely affecting his life - yes, he's an alcoholic.

The black outs are a very bad sign that something is shutting down when he drinks to excess.

I will add that he's not drinking because he enjoys "good beer." This is why the first two rounds at weddings are top shelf and after that... they are not. Because after the first two people are drinking in order to drink and they can't tell good from mediocre.

kanicky73 · Oct 13, 2008, 03:06 PM

If he can not stop himself from drinking to the point of passing out then I'm sorry but yes that is a problem. Problem being alcoholism. Most people think that an alcoholic is someone who drinks every single day. That is not true. Alcoholism is when someone can not stop. There are three things to ask himself. Is it effecting his family,work or relationship? If he answers yes to any of those, that's a problem.

mishelly3 · Oct 13, 2008, 06:49 PM

He is in denial he won't admitt he ahs a drinking problem its good you told him mom and sister hopefully they become more aware of his problem. He definitely sounds like and alcoholic. You need help go talk to the nearest drug prevention agency or some one through AA and it would be awesome if you took his mom or sis with you.. You guys might want to have an intervention... This is a diease and it takes the most wonderful people and turns them in to monsters. I also would suggest going to alanon for you and his mom, its for people who are a victim of a addict it really helps and answers so many questions... He needs help and support its not easy but the having a clean and sober boyfriend is soooo worth the pain... Good luck to you

RustyFairmount · Oct 18, 2008, 08:09 PM

There's a fine line between heavy drinking and alcoholism. Unfortunately, most people who aren't alcoholics really aren't qualified to know the difference.

Have you gone to an Alinon meeting, or even an AA meeting to ask for help?

ISneezeFunny · Oct 18, 2008, 08:20 PM

To be honest, I have lots of friends who do this same thing. Sure, I have a drink or two every night, when I get back from work, and yes, I've blacked out before (a few times)... granted, I was in college, and it has happened when I was out with my friends.

I don't consider myself an alcoholic (but then again, I don't know many legit alcoholics who confess that they are).

The weekly blacking out ritual is a bit too much, I would say. If it was some sort of a celebration, guys night out, or some event, then perhaps I'd understand... but every time he goes out? Questionable.

I consider an alcoholic a person who has to drink to function... and he may not be too far behind from it. I suggest you talk to him about this seriously... express your concern for him; don't try to accuse him of doing anything or condemn his behavior.