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ledisi · Sep 22, 2008, 04:29 PM

Words cannot describe how I feel. This happened 5 days ago and I feel hurt and ashamed of myself. I met with this man 3 days in a row (there was an immediate attraction) we had known each other for a while, but not in person. I'm married, he's married. The first day, we met in a public place. We talked for a long time about many different topics, including his family and mine. At the end, we said goodbye with a kiss on the lips-which really surprised me. Second day, met @ the same place. Talked some more and had a good time. It was then that he asked me if we could spend the next day "being together." To which I replied I could not do that, but that I was definitely attracted to him (he is 54 years old and I am in my early 40's). He told me to think about it and then we kissed quite passionately. He sent me a text saying how wonderful my kiss felt. I could not believe I had kissed a man who was NOT my husband. Never in my life had I done this and he knew it from the very beginning. He is a man that travels constantly and is known for his inspirational music. The third day, I did see him and explained to him my reasons for not being able to be with him in the way he wanted me to. He said he understood, yet when it came time for him to leave we both got into my car and started kissing very intensely. He asked me several times if I wanted him to get a room and I just kept saying no, but I could not stop myself from kissing him and touching him. This was his last day in my city. Two days passed before I talked to him again. Feeling terrible in the meantime. I told him that I could not help but feel that I was on his "to do" list. To which he replied: "please don't feel that way..."I gave you no reason to feel that way.. and you make me feel cheap by suggesting it... " " no you were not a notch in my handle... " "our conversations were more on other things besides the baser things... " I did not answer and hung up. I have not heard from him except for a text yesterday. I know he was going back home today and don't know if I want to hear from him or not. I will definitely NOT look for him. I just want to know what this was? He is a man that is very educated and intelligent...not a teenager. Must confess though, that he did mention to me that he was "too carnal"... THAT should have been my warning. I feel so hurt, ashamed, alone, confused. Please don't tell me that I got what I deserved. I wake up with this heavy feeling on my chest and cry for me... NOT and NEVER for him. Please tell me how to move on and understand what this was for him.

Dragonfly1234 · Sep 22, 2008, 04:43 PM

I'm sorry I don't understand, are you sad because you are ashamed, embarrassed or heart broken?

Fr_Chuck · Sep 22, 2008, 04:52 PM

Yes, he is a very experienced man who knows what to say, and knows how to spot a loney women. Even if married. Obviously since he knew you were married, morals is not one of the things that inspires his music.

The trick to these is not meeting and not getting yourself into the situation

redwee74 · Sep 22, 2008, 06:06 PM

You are missing something from you relationship with your husband. That being said it is not a valid excuse. This behavior is inexcusable and you should never seek or return contact with this man. You are married. If you are ashamed then confess to your husband and tell him it was a mistake. Hopefully he will understand but if not you made your bed now lay in it. That is my opinion.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2008, 11:58 AM

You did wrong, and your guilty about it, as well you should be. What you do about it is up to you, but don't dare try to blame it on anything but YOU.
Not his charm
Not your marriage
Not your neediness
Nothing but YOUR willingness to go along with what you knew was wrong.

ladyangler · Sep 23, 2008, 01:09 PM

You know you did wrong and stated it. I am not going to throw rocks at you. I do agree with Fr_Chuck this man knew exactly what he was doing. I take it this man.. many may see as a Christian? Many people may know this man as a Christian, but that does not make him a Christian. I seen an evangelist preach on time. He has his own show on TV and has numerous recordings. He said while he was going about with his "Christian music career" he was big into drugs and other non-Christian things, then finally got saved and turned his life around. Things still seemed not so right about him still to this day and he is still on TV. I still get fliers in the mail from his organization. It may even be the same man. With that said... talk to God and ask him to forgive you. That is the only thing that I can give advice on. Not much, but I hope it helps. Best wishes and God bless.

jennysolano18 · Sep 24, 2008, 01:49 PM

Hey ledisi,

I am not going to sit here and tell you how you messed up and this and that because not one person in this world is perfect. What happened most likely shouldn't have but it did. Oh Well. You can go back and undo what is done. All you have to do is move on. Maybe it is your husbands fault because a women needs attention no matter what. If a women is not getting the attention she needs she is going to feel lonely and alone and then eventually find company with some one else. Try telling your husband how you feel let him know that he is making you feel alone and not understood. You'll see that he will realize and hopefully your relationship will change. Good Luck and don't feel bad everyone make mistakes, the good thing is that you didn't spend the night eith him then that would have been a different story.

hollylovesbrandon · Sep 24, 2008, 08:14 PM

Have you told your husband? If you haven't then you should. I can't believe no one has suggested this to you yet. Sure you messed up, a huge mistake and you two will probably fight for quite sometime about it. It may even be a trial separation involved. But haven't you hidden the truth long enough? The last thing you need is to be a deceitful liar too!

That being said, when you tell your husband makes sure he knows how you feel. That you are sorry and that clearly he is not providing you with the emotional needs you need. He needs to straighten up his act as well as you.

You two need to have a long, in-depth conversation (whether you tell him the truth or not, and you should) about what is missing. And this will hopefully fix your marriage so you will not be tempted by a smooth talking womanizer again.