I need to understand this
Words cannot describe how I feel. This happened 5 days ago and I feel hurt and ashamed of myself. I met with this man 3 days in a row (there was an immediate attraction) we had known each other for a while, but not in person. I'm married, he's married. The first day, we met in a public place. We talked for a long time about many different topics, including his family and mine. At the end, we said goodbye with a kiss on the lips-which really surprised me. Second day, met @ the same place. Talked some more and had a good time. It was then that he asked me if we could spend the next day "being together." To which I replied I could not do that, but that I was definitely attracted to him (he is 54 years old and I am in my early 40's). He told me to think about it and then we kissed quite passionately. He sent me a text saying how wonderful my kiss felt. I could not believe I had kissed a man who was NOT my husband. Never in my life had I done this and he knew it from the very beginning. He is a man that travels constantly and is known for his inspirational music. The third day, I did see him and explained to him my reasons for not being able to be with him in the way he wanted me to. He said he understood, yet when it came time for him to leave we both got into my car and started kissing very intensely. He asked me several times if I wanted him to get a room and I just kept saying no, but I could not stop myself from kissing him and touching him. This was his last day in my city. Two days passed before I talked to him again. Feeling terrible in the meantime. I told him that I could not help but feel that I was on his "to do" list. To which he replied: "please don't feel that way..."I gave you no reason to feel that way.. and you make me feel cheap by suggesting it... " " no you were not a notch in my handle... " "our conversations were more on other things besides the baser things... " I did not answer and hung up. I have not heard from him except for a text yesterday. I know he was going back home today and don't know if I want to hear from him or not. I will definitely NOT look for him. I just want to know what this was? He is a man that is very educated and intelligent...not a teenager. Must confess though, that he did mention to me that he was "too carnal"... THAT should have been my warning. I feel so hurt, ashamed, alone, confused. Please don't tell me that I got what I deserved. I wake up with this heavy feeling on my chest and cry for me... NOT and NEVER for him. Please tell me how to move on and understand what this was for him.