[dede11-11]

I am writing this after another round of fights with my son. He makes me feel guilty and question my own sanity. My son is 32 years old and does not work and will not work He says he is to stupid to work but he has had jobs and I find out he gets fired for fighting.
I have kicked him out serval times and he calls back and need a place to stay some of his reasons are- he is living on the streets and it is cold ,he has had a fight with someone and need a save place to stay, he has just got out of jail for fighting and need a place to stay. I always say yes hoping that this is it he will straighten out and get a job and start taking care of himself but he never does. When he lives with me he does not like to clean up ,cook or do laundry. As the week goes on the house gets messyer and food disappears by wed. there is no food that is not frozen left no way for me to make lunches I keep buying more food I cant' keep doing this last week I spent over 200.00 and I went the last two days of work with no lunch I have to work overtime every week to make end meet and now I am worried about a layoff at work I have asked him for some money because he gets welfare and he has offered 100 a month not enough.I have asked him to do things and when I get home from work he says that I never did he said it in my head I did not say it . If I leave money around he take it and sayees I did not leave the money there. He has run my phone bill up and says he is trying to find a job or a place to stay so I should be happy . I could say more but I am confused am I getting old and forgetting some times he scares me he yells I don't want other people to here so I give him what he wants I don't believe he will hit me but I think a time will come when he may. I keep thinking I am doing something wrong that I yell at him too much and that is why he won't help me I am confused.I am going to send this with out correting anything because if I reread this I know I woun't send this:confused: :confused:

[tickle]

You have to distance yourself from your son as soon as possible just to save your santity and self respect. As long as you give in to him, he will keep on leeching off you. Find another place to live and don't tell him where it is. If you have tried everything and giving of yourself so long and not had any return from him in any way shape or form, and it doesn't appear you will, it is time to cut the apron strings.

I don't think any legal recourse will help you with this problem, so I won't suggest it, if you don't have any money for lunches, then I don't think you will have any for legal counsel.

Is there no one else he can live with in his immediate family ?

[450donn]

Your son makes you feel guilty because he is manulipitating you. Throw the bum out and tell him in no uncertain terms that you can no longer help him.

[angelaM1985]

Sorry to say this but its your own fault you question your sanity why cause you're the one who lets him do this too u. you know why he don't change cause he knows when he messes up he always has his mom to fall back on and its not going to change until you wash your hands and put your foot down also known as tought love.

[DoulaLC]

Do you have any support of other family members or friends? Perhaps people at church, work, neighbors, etc,? He is so far passed the age of needing to take care of himself... helping out once in awhile in a real bind is one thing, but you have gone way above and beyond helping him, but it hasn't really helped him in the long run. As others have said, he hasn't had to stand on his own two feet because you are there to catch him when he messes up.

Tell him you love him dearly and have tried to help him out, but he is 32 years old and you just won't do it anymore. He needs to take responsibility and learn from his past mistakes. When he messes up again... and he will until he learns... tell him you are sorry to hear he is having a difficult time, but you are sure he will figure it out and make better choices next time. Do not allow yourself to be made to feel guilty for not bailing him out or putting a roof over his head. You have done the job of raising and providing for him and that job ended years ago.

If you think his problems may be due to a medical concern... physical and/or mental, seek medical advice from your own doctor on how best to handle the situation.

Regardless you need to do for yourself now. It's not easy to see your child have a rough time, no matter how old they are, but you aren't really helping him and it will only continue if you allow it to. If it makes you feel better, give him a time frame to get his act together and move out... say two months. If you think that would make it more difficult, next time he is out on his own, simply tell him you are sorry but he can't come back this time, he will have to make other arrangements, and stick to it.

I wish you well...

[lynn6]

I feel for you. I am going through a rough time with my own 24 year old son. I want to put him in rehab and get him some help. He tells me he doesn't need it but others tell me differently. We tried putting him somewhere but because he is on suboxyn to help keep him off opiates they wouldn't take him. I worry myself sick about it. My husband says just kick him out but like you, as a mother that is almost impossible. I wish I had an answer for you. Talk to your friends and family. Have them all get together and confront him. Maybe that will help. Good luck.

[liz28]

Your son is 32 years old and needs to act that way. He treats you any kind of way because he knows you won't do nothing about it and will allow it. You shouldn't be taking care of him while he sits around and do nothing but treat you like crap. It's time to kick him out and don't let him back in. It's time for tough love stop being his crutch and allowing him to be disrespectful to you and paying his way. It should be the other way around to where he is helping you. He's not a man but only a boy in a grown man body. You don't need this chaos in your life and shouldn't be killing yourself working to cover his expense that he's created. Stop now and start a new leaf and let him learn the hard way.

[dede11-11]

I would like to thank everyone for their answers and let you know that I have told my son that he is leaving Oct. 10 . This gives him time and I don't feel like I am throwing him out . I will now have to toughen up and not let him back, let him grow up I hope I am strong enough, I will be rereading all you answers over again when he tries to use gulit on me . Thanks everyone.