[ponce101]

I am a single mom who does get any help from the father and I let him have the children every other weekend. Now he want to take me to court for custody and child support. What can I do or what do I need to win custody of my children.

[JudyKayTee]

I am a single mom who does get any help from the father and I let him have the children every other weekend. Now he want to take me to court for custody and child support. What can I do or what do I need to win custody of my children.

The father is taking you to Court so you'll pay child support? Makes no sense -

Anyway, what does the current custody Order say? Unless you are unfit and the children are in danger I would predict joint legal custody with you keeping physical custody and him having visitation rights.

[stinawords]

You will have to go to court. But as Judy pointed out I don't see a judge awarding him with custody and you to pay support. A judge will most likely give joint legal custody and him have visitation (unless he can prove you to be unfit which is hard).

[froggy7]

The father is taking you to Court so you'll pay child support? Makes no sense -

I am always disturbed by sentences like this. Why doesn't it make sense for a father to try and get custody of his children and child support? We think harshly of mothers who don't fight for custody of their kids, and think it's odd if fathers do? What sort of message does that send to men, but that they aren't really important in their kid's life?

[JudyKayTee]

I am always disturbed by sentences like this. Why doesn't it make sense for a father to try and get custody of his children and child support? We think harshly of mothers who don't fight for custody of their kids, and think it's odd if fathers do? What sort of message does that send to men, but that they aren't really important in their kid's life?

I wish you had asked before you accused me of discriminating against fathers - I have NEVER said this is a one way street or that mothers or father shouldn't fight for custody.

I have NEVER said fathers aren't important in their kids' lives. You are reading something into this that I didn't say.

I find it odd that without any conversation, discussion, letters from Attorneys - or none that are mentioned - the father files for custody and support when the visitation arrangement is working. Not more visitation - full custody AND support. Why?

That's how I read it; that's what I meant.

[katsnewlife]

He could be just yanking your chain. Had any arguments lately? Or have you threatened to get support from him? Do you have a support order?

The court will consider his lack of support when they consider custody. After all, what kind of decent parent wouldn't contribute financially to raising their own kids? I wouldn't worry about it too much.

If you have any other questions, let me know.

Kathleen

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE: KATSNEWLIFE: He could be just yanking your chain. Had any arguments lately? Or have you threatened to get support from him? Do you have a support order?

The court will consider his lack of support when they consider custody. After all, what kind of decent parent wouldn't contribute financially to raising their own kids? I wouldn't worry about it too much.

If you have any other questions, let me know.

Kathleen QUOTE]


Sorry, but this is not correct. The OP indicates she receives some help from him. No indication if it's ordered support or not. If he is not ordered to support he may be one of those fathers who won't - but that won't affect custody. Doesn't make him a nice guy but doesn't make him unfit in the eyes of the Court.

I've seen Courts come down hard on mothers who don't push for support. It works both ways.

The Courts do NOT consider support when they consider custody - these are two different issues.

Do not know what State OP is in but if OP would like to share, it could be looked up and the Statute quoted.

The OP won't lose custody unless she's a danger to the child - which she already knows (I think).

[froggy7]

I wish you had asked before you accused me of discriminating against fathers - I have NEVER said this is a one way street or that mothers or father shouldn't fight for custody.

I have NEVER said fathers aren't important in their kids' lives. You are reading something into this that I didn't say.

Sorry... didn't mean to jump on you in particular. But I've just read too many "can he get custody of MY kid" questions, where it seems to be taken for granted that the dad is insane for wanting to deprive poor sweet mom of HER kids, as if he has no right to want to have them live with him instead of her.

But even your follow-up exposes bias... you've seen the courts come down on mothers who don't push for support. But that statement assumes that the mother should be the default custodial parent. I do think that life might be better in general if mothers worried just as much as fathers about where the courts were going to say that the kids would wind up living. Right now, those guys who come on here bitter because some woman got pregnant and now they have to pay child support but they don't have the right to have more say in the child's life have some grounds for their beliefs.

[JudyKayTee]

Sorry... didn't mean to jump on you in particular. But I've just read too many "can he get custody of MY kid" questions, where it seems to be taken for granted that the dad is insane for wanting to deprive poor sweet mom of HER kids, as if he has no right to want to have them live with him instead of her.

But even your follow-up exposes bias... you've seen the courts come down on mothers who don't push for support. But that statement assumes that the mother should be the default custodial parent. I do think that life might be better in general if mothers worried just as much as fathers about where the courts were going to say that the kids would wind up living. Right now, those guys who come on here bitter because some woman got pregnant and now they have to pay child support but they don't have the right to have more say in the child's life have some grounds for their beliefs.

I agree with you - and I also am offended with "he" or "she" wants to see MY child. It's also his/her child.

And I'm not defending myself but I would venture a guess that 95% of the time the custodial parent is the mother so when I answer I use "she" when I should correctly use he/she. I agree the Court system is unfair. There seems to be an assumption that Dad can't take care of the child.

I guess that stems from the old days of new borns and almost all mothers nursing, couldn't be separated from the baby, and just didn't catch up with the times.

My own experience in hundreds of matrimonials, hundreds of custody investigations, is only two come to mind where the father was the custodial parent and the mother wanted the child "back." Both times Dad remarried and Mom was jealous.

And while I'm venting I can NEVER understand how now that the baby is born he/she (the other parent) is suddenly a mental case, a drug addict, whatever - and these aren't one night stands. Maybe when the perfect World comes together there should be a test before people can get pregnant - :D

Again - in a perfect World it would all be different.

Wonder if there are stastics about how many mothers/how many fathers are custodial parents - ?

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, original poster has not given us more info. But with that said, was there ever a custody agreement, was there ever court ordered child support, how long have you been separated.

And to be honest if he has not given you any support, have you taken him back to court to make him pay?

But yes he can go to court to get custody of his kids, I had to take my EX back to court several times for all sorts of reason before I finally got custody of them.