[batgirl2009]

I'm 17 years old and my parents have been married for a little over 17 years. But in the last couple of years things have gotten pretty tense in the house. My dad actually got feed up with me and "is done trying to parent me". Granted, I did make mistakes, but they weren't that bad and I was learning from them. Anyway, I talked to my mom yesterday and she mentioned how my dad doesn't want to be married anymore. When they divorce, he will fight to get custody of my 9 year old sister. She doesn't know that any of this is happening. This whole thing has made me lose faith in relationships and distance myself from those I care about. How can I go through this and not hate my dad and repair my relationships? How can I support my sister and my mom?

[liz28]

First, note that its not your fault. Sometimes people change and no one knows the reason why except for them.

The only thing you can do for your mother and sister is be there for them. You never know what emotions your mom is feeling and you sister will be confuse and might have many questions.

As far as the relationship between you and your dad, might can be repair but it will take some accepting from hij as well. You can only try but I hope he don't close up on you.

You'll have relationships in the future but know there are no guarantees. It takes two to make a relationship works and sometimes it will or won't but every guy is not the same.

I use to wonder how can someone be married for a number years than give up before trying to make it work. Seek counseling for yourself if needed and wish you and your familty the best and sorry this had to happen but it will make you stronger as an person.

[Fr_Chuck]

First it is not the kids fault when parents divorce, people change over time and as you find a new love and sadly often in a time break up ( read the relationship areas here)
You will find it just happens. Money, drinking or sex out side of marriage are three of the major reasons things happen, but work stress and more. Also depending on the age of couples men and women both go though changes as they grow older and often these are hard for each other to deal with.

You don't take side, you love mom and dad and keep doing so.

[londonjohn41]

You will get to have a say in your future, as will your sister. The court can refer your parents, and children, to be interviewed by a 'conciliator'. This person will then make recommendations to the court on custody and parenting time. Saying that, please don't forget your dad. There are reasons for his change in attitude, none of which is your fault. He still deserves to see his children, and be a parent to them. I'm sure his behaviour will change when the divorce is done.

[JudyKayTee]

you will get to have a say in your future, as will your sister. the court can refer your parents, and children, to be interviewed by a 'conciliator'. this person will then make recommendations to the court on custody and parenting time. saying that, please don't forget your dad. there are reasons for his change in attitude, none of which is your fault. he still deserves to see his children, and be a parent to them. i'm sure his behaviour will change when the divorce is done.

I'm sorry but a 9 year old will not have a say "in her future." She will probably be heard but unless a parent is abusive the "arrangements" will not be left up to her.