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Anastacia · Mar 25, 2008, 01:28 PM

My marriage is falling apart & I am not sure what to do anymore- I am so confused. We have been together (on & off) for 15 years- married for 4 years and have a beautiful wonderful son. I think our son is the only bond that is left in our marriage. We are both unhappy- he claims that he loves me deeply but his actions say something completely different. He goes out alot- stays out late. He spends money which makes it difficult to pay bills. In fact- we are delinquent on lots of things. When it was his responsibility to pay our bills - he didn't. I don't know what happened to our money but I am now in collection with my cc. We were behind in house payments & medical bills/daycare didn't even get paid. I finally had to take it over again but then he just spends, spends, spends. He took part of our house apart 9 months ago- its still in shambles despite the effort of his friends to pull it together. And the money my mother gave us to fix it up- don't know where that went either. Its not drugs- he is just very social. Likes to drink and has champagne taste. He doesn't listen to me - he doesn't even hear me - he doesn't even involve me in social activities that he does. Its almost as if I don't even exist. I really need to know if this is worth it- am I reading his actions correctly that there is no love?? This is a bad role model for my son, isn't it? I think I am just afraid to go- that I am dragging my feet but I am not sure if my hesitation is based on faith that it could work. Meanwhile- I am so exhausted from working 3 jobs & trying to balance all of this that I don't even have the energy to really make an effort- and I feel like he should be the one making the effort to start with?
Help. I've never been so tired and at a loss.

Credendovidis · Mar 25, 2008, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by Anastacia

My marriage is falling apart ... I've never been so tired and at a loss.

Dear Anastacia,
.
Worth it? Worth what? And I think you also realize it : this marriage can't be saved. Or actually : this marriage does not exist. Well, at least for you spouse it does not seem to exist.
Just find help to guide you through a divorce. The sooner the better.
Strength and wisdom!
;)

hollylovesbrandon · Mar 25, 2008, 02:39 PM

One thing that may trigger something in him... grab the kid and leave! See what he does. If he acts uninterested after about 2 weeks... I'm sorry honey but it's probably over.

Budhabelly · Mar 25, 2008, 10:44 PM

It sounds like your are not standing up to your husband. I think its time for you to put your foot down. Ask him where his priorities lie, and tell him that if his answer does not suit you, you are taking your son and going.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2008, 08:18 PM

So why are you still there putting up with this crap. Either you leave, or kick him out. Take a very long break, and don't even speak to him, until he gets it together with actions and cash. His word means nothing, so don't listen.

the1unv · Mar 29, 2008, 05:06 AM

Anastacia, If you look back at your post... I believe that you answered most of your own questions. I personally do not like ultimatums. I know some times they are all that is left, however if you lay one out... you HAVE to stand behind it. If you don't back your talk up with action it will get much worse and quicker than you like. Have you thought about some financial counseling? They can stop all the harassing phone calls, stop the interest on your CC's, etc... I knew a guy who did the same thing... bills were getting out of hand and he got so depressed, he simply spent what he didn't have trying to make himself happy... and yes... it only got worse. His wife called a company that helps manage your money and helps get you out of debt. Oh Boy was my friend mad... but his wife said we have an appointment on this day at this time. We have to bring this and that... we can do this together or we can I can do it myself. She told him she was not going to live another day going further into debt. ( this would be the ultimatum ) He did go... not happily mind you... but he did go. That was 4-5 years ago... They have a great marriage now and he thanks her for pushing him. Last summer he bought a fishing boat... not a big one... just a little 3 person boat... point is he paid cash for it and the bills are all paid. The counseling helped a great deal... matter a fact his wife (jokenly) said it may have worked to well... because now HE is the one who squeaks when he walks.
Just an idea... good luck!
Mike