[Leonstryfe]

Hey guys... I'm new here so I would like to say that it is a pleasure to meet and talk to you all. I read a lot of post, and made me realize a lot of things... but I have to admit, regardless of many wonderful advices, it is still really tough... Although many of the situations here revolve around break ups which can relate to me, I would still like to get some of your opinions regarding my situation. I hope I'm not being selfish by asking as such...

Well... I'm not even sure where to begin... about a month ago, exactly 3 days after Valentines day, my girlfriend... of 4 years broke up with me and I really took it bad. I have to admit I was partially at fault (I guess we both were) that it ended up the way it did.

Our relationship for the past 3 years was really good... although we had ups and downs, we both promised each other that if there are any problems... that we would talk about it. Although we had arguments, it was not severe that it ruined the relationship. I was always open to her about any concerns and fears that I have and vice versa, she did too, as well. We always spent time together and were inseparable. I introduced her to my family and she was treated as one of our own. We took her to vacations and we all cared about her. I would always worry when she goes out late at night... and I would always take her home and bring her safely if need be. I treated her with every respect and loved her to my fullest.

However, there are problems that began recently that just really developed and exploded in the end... She never told me the problem exactly, however I knew about it and was planning to do something to make her feel happy. Although she didn't tell me what was eating her... I knew she felt unappreciated as of late, and unhappy... We haven't gone out a lot anymore and at the same time, she felt that I relied on her a lot... which sadly I did last semester especially.

The thing is, it was a tough time for me... someone very dear to me, passed away recently... and on top of that, it was during Finals. Being in Columbia University and as a Biomedical Engineering Major and Pre-Med... also made it worse for me and it was a tough and stressful time. I couldn't give her enough time although we talked about it and I thought she understood. I have to admit, my hands are not clean and we have had arguments that was really bad... however I made sure it didn't carry to the next day and I tried to work it out.

Everything went well... I guess however somehow I somehow felt that she felt discontent so I began planning a lot of things. (First of all, she kept trying to find out when am I going to propose to her, which is really uncool... I think proposal should take place as a surprise. Maybe this is my mistake but I lied to her and told her after medical school which really isn't the truth. I was actually planning to marry her a year and half from now after Columbia). I was going to take her and travel to Maine with her (ski trip), go ballroom dancing (which she wanted to do for awhile) etc. Cause I knew she was feeling unhappy and I wanted to show her that she is very much appreciated for being there all the time.

I think I'm writing too much so to make it short and simple.. she suddenly broke up with me in the PHONE and told me she doesn't love me anymore. Foolish me, in desperation and panicked traveled from my place to her house via Subway during 3am to just talk to her face to face. When I arrived at her house she lied to me that she wasn't there, then threatened to call cops on me...

The night ended and nothing really happened... however she did promised to meet me the following afternoon in which I waited and she did not show up. She then avoided all my calls and text. A week later we met and we chatted and she told me she doesn't love me anymore and only sees me as a friend. Yea... I got the point and I stopped pursuing the relationship. However I cared and still loved her... (maybe I was acting stupid) We decided to see each other as friends and went ballroom dancing as planned (3 days in a row). Everything went so well... that by the end of the night... she was so happy and kissed me and had me kissed her... What am I supposed to think...

The following day though, she was bitter and spiteful again towards me... telling me what do I have that other guys do not... which hurts a lot and even then I dropped her home at 2am, but when I tried to kiss her, she back out and pushed me away...

I felt like during our meetings, I felt lead on... One moment she does something that makes me feel that there is hope, and the next she does something that makes it feel like its over... she says doesn't love me anymore and sees me as a friend and then following day... she kissed me again and told me I still love you but I don't know right now...

She asked for time and I gave her time... thinking it would the best thing to do. Now after 3 weeks... I found out she's dating a new guy... (friggin rebound? ) and that when I called her... all she says to me is bitter words, and is very spiteful, cold and uncaring. Yet 1 week ago, I saw in her eyes that she was still caring about everything I do... She doesn't answer my text, doesn't call me and at the same time... she is really mean to me and tells me I'm the worse BF she ever had... Considering I was with her for 4 years and her other relationships were only months + her ex before that cheated on her...

I was always faithful to her and never once considered any other girl but her. I cared and loved her so much and yet now she is so distant and cold towards me...

I don't exactly know what to do right now... I'll give more info if need be...

Thanks for reading my problem... I just needed it to get off my chest..

Sorry for the really crappy grammar errors, I just typed it as it came to my head.

[Leonstryfe]

Hey guys... I'm new here so I would like to say that it is a pleasure
To meet and talk to you all. I read a lot of post, and made me realize
A lot of things... but I have to admit, regardless of many wonderful
Advices, it is still really tough... Although many of the situations
Here revolve around break ups which can relate to me, I would still
Like to get some of your opinions regarding my situation. I hope I'm
Not being selfish by asking as such...

Well... I'm not even sure where to begin... about a month ago, exactly
3 days after Valentines day, my girlfriend... of 4 years broke up with
Me and I really took it bad. I have to admit I was partially at fault
(I guess we both were) that it ended up the way it did.

Our relationship for the past 3 years was really good... although we
Had ups and downs, we both promised each other that if there are any
Problems... that we would talk about it. Although we had arguments, it
Was not severe that it ruined the relationship. I was always open to
Her about any concerns and fears that I have and vice versa, she did
Too, as well. We always spent time together and were inseparable. I
Introduced her to my family and she was treated as one of our own. We
Took her to vacations and we all cared about her. I would always worry
When she goes out late at night... and I would always take her home
And bring her safely if need be. I treated her with every respect and
Loved her to my fullest.

However, there are problems that began recently that just really
Developed and exploded in the end... She never told me the problem
Exactly, however I knew about it and was planning to do something to
Make her feel happy. Although she didn't tell me what was eating
Her... I knew she felt unappreciated as of late, and unhappy... We
Haven't gone out a lot anymore and at the same time, she felt that I
Relied on her a lot... which sadly I did last semester especially.

The thing is, it was a tough time for me... someone very dear to me,
Passed away recently... and on top of that, it was during Finals.
Being in Columbia University and as a Biomedical Engineering Major and
Pre-Med... also made it worse for me and it was a tough and stressful
Time. I couldn't give her enough time although we talked about it and
I thought she understood. I have to admit, my hands are not clean and
We have had arguments that was really bad... however I made sure it
Didn't carry to the next day and I tried to work it out.

Everything went well... I guess however somehow I somehow felt that
She felt discontent so I began planning a lot of things. (First of
All, she kept trying to find out when am I going to propose to her, which
Is really uncool... I think proposal should take place as a surprise.
Maybe this is my mistake but I lied to her and told her after medical
School which really isn't the truth. I was actually planning to marry
Her a year and half from now after Columbia). I was going to take her and
Travel to Maine with her (ski trip), go ballroom dancing (which she
Wanted to do for awhile) etc. Cause I knew she was feeling unhappy and
I wanted to show her that she is very much appreciated for being there
All the time.

I think I'm writing too much so to make it short and simple.. she
Suddenly broke up with me in the PHONE and told me she doesn't love me
Anymore. Foolish me, in desperation and panicked traveled from my
Place to her house via Subway during 3am to just talk to her face to
Face. When I arrived at her house she lied to me that she wasn't
There, then threatened to call cops on me...

The night ended and nothing really happened... however she did
Promised to meet me the following afternoon in which I waited and she
Did not show up. She then avoided all my calls and text. A week later
We met and we chatted and she told me she doesn't love me anymore and
Only sees me as a friend. Yea... I got the point and I stopped
Pursuing the relationship. However I cared and still loved her...
(maybe I was acting stupid) We decided to see each other as friends
And went ballroom dancing as planned (3 days in a row). Everything
Went so well... that by the end of the night... she was so happy and
Kissed me and had me kissed her... What am I supposed to think...

The following day though, she was bitter and spiteful again towards
Me... telling me what do I have that other guys do not... which hurts
A lot and even then I dropped her home at 2am, but when I tried to
Kiss her, she back out and pushed me away...

I felt like during our meetings, I felt lead on... One moment she does
Something that makes me feel that there is hope, and the next she does
Something that makes it feel like its over... she says doesn't love me
Anymore and sees me as a friend and then following day... she kissed
Me again and told me I still love you but I don't know right now...

She asked for time and I gave her time... thinking it would the best
Thing to do. Now after 3 weeks... I found out she's dating a new guy...
(friggin rebound? ) and that when I called her... all she says to me
Is bitter words, and is very spiteful, cold and uncaring. Yet 1 week
Ago, I saw in her eyes that she was still caring about everything I
Do... She doesn't answer my text, doesn't call me and at the same
Time... she is really mean to me and tells me I'm the worse BF she
Ever had... Considering I was with her for 4 years and her other
Relationships were only months + her ex before that cheated on her...

I was always faithful to her and never once considered any other girl
But her. I cared and loved her so much and yet now she is so distant
And cold towards me... and have treated me like for the passed month. Avoided me, told me so many hurtful things… and at the same time pull a joke on me with her friends. Is that… We’re 22 years old… how childish is that. What’s worse is that, apparently some of her friends, especially this one girl, loves joining in the drama probably bored as hell, and text’s me saying “I sucked as a bf, and that she is with someone better now, and that I was stupid for losing such a wonderful gf” what the heck? They’re acting really immature and all of our other friends who knew us together is really pissed at her for acting really stupid and immature.

I think that it’s really is wishful thinking to tell someone that you broke up with after such along time that you just want to be friends. The thing is, I admit it was partially my fault but I was and still am always willing to do something about it but she just refused accept, and told me its too late. Too late for what? How can she abandon and dropped me so easily after for so many years of being together..

Anyway, it’s been a about 1 month and a week since she broke up with me, and I feel a lot stronger now than I was earlier then when I felt emotionally suffocated during the first week of the break up.

This is where my question comes up. Every morning I wake up feeling like crap and a crap load of memories just comes into my head and I lay down there feeling even worse than before. Furthermore, even though I know I shouldn’t how come there are still feelings that I can’t get rid off. I still care and I worry about her, and at the same time wish that there would be ways for her to make her come back… but on the other hand, I don’t want to anymore because of what she did these past month towards me… I’m just really confused… I want to move on and forget about her… because every thought about her, especially since she's with another man, really hurts me a lot! But at the same time, I can’t shake the feeling of love I still have for her… It feels like I’m stabbing my wound over and over again… and it’s already been a month!. guy’s what do I do… even as of now though, the only attachment between me and her for her I believe is that I still owe her money for the things we splitted on in which she is asking me to pay her back. I used to think that she still cares but now I really know she doesn’t… What do I do… I’m really lost right now and I’m really getting tired of this…

A part of me wants to be there as a friend and eventually some miracle might happen and what not but a part of me just really wants to forget her existence and being…

Sorry for TYPING so much… I just feel like I need to this off my chest!

Thank you guys!!

Chris

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Just move on your just letting her hurt you,you said she's cold and mean and spitefull then leave it be

START NO CONTACT THAT MEANS NO TEXES NO CALLS NO MEETING NO CONTACT WHAT SO EVER

[COOKIE MONSTER]

And she's dating someone else so soon and told you that you're the worst boyfriend she's had
And don't take her back if she comes running because she'll think she can do that when ever she wants and you'll take her back every time if you do take her back--

Get ablack perminant marker and write MUG on your forehead because that's what you will be if you take her back

[confused25]

I know what you're going through. We all do. A break-up is extremely difficult, especially one where you have invested 4 years of your life. It's okay to feel the way you do, in fact you have every right.

I read the longer version of this question and I agree that your ex-girlfriend is acting extremely immature. From what you have written you are by no means a bad boyfriend. Don't let her instill that into your mind. The way she is acting is downright wrong. As for this new guy she is with, well you really just can't think of it. It may or may not work out between them, but that is something you cannot worry about. She is no longer a part of your life so what she does is her choice.

If you look through these boards you'll see that most people suggest that after a break-up you should go into No Contact. Meaning erase her from your life. Don't call her, text her, MySpace her, Facebook her, or talk to her. The reason you do this is to heal yourself and regain your strength. Moreover, from everything you have written, she doesn't even deserve your attention. You should take all the mean things she said to you, the fact that she moved on so quickly, and turn it around into positive energy. Use this to remind yourself that you can do better, a lot better. Sure you spent 4 great years together, but you still have the rest of your life which will be filled with even greater years.

There will be days when the pain is unbearable. However, hold your head up high and keep moving forward. With time you will feel great.

[Marriedguy]

Well, you wrote a great deal and I'm sorry your relationship ended the way it did.

I have a general idea why it did. Your girlfriend was tired of that title girlfriend she wanted.

This was the cost of my separation to my current marriage. This lasted about 9 months.

Once, I found out that one of the underlining issues was that I didn't ask her to marry her. I ran out and got a loan and brought her a ring and ran to her job and proposed to her and she told me that it was too late. One line stood with me “If you loved me why didn't you ask me to marry you, before!” She took the ring off and gave it back and I walked away broken man. With doubts in myself, I literally blamed myself; I tricked myself into believing I had done something wrong.

I didn't think that I would ever recover from that. I thought about dating and instead found people that listen to my story and they told me that I was good man and it's her that is making mistake. She is sacrificed a totally healthy relationship because the relationship didn't move to the next level.

Anyway, long story short, some time in that 9th month she had leave a message on my voice saying that she wanted to speak to me and could I call her back. Her voice was broken and I could tell what the call was about. She told how she felt and broke down a cried. Asked if I was with someone and if I was not could I gave her another chance.

So my advice to you is if you treated her right she will be back. If she loved you she will be back. This guy she dating she has no feelings for him. She is actually using him to say to you “Look someone else wants me!” Don't allow the thought of them sleep together haunt you because if she loves you she will not let it get that far. What your attitude should be great I hope he makes you happy.

Expect her call, but don't wait for it.

[Leonstryfe]

Thanks guys... For awhile she made me think how bad a BF I was to her... but I realize that I wasn't. Yea we all make mistakes... that's what being human is about. We all make mistakes to learn and better ourselves in the future... Yea I made mistakes me and her did, but I was willing to try and work it out. I went through hell for a month trying to work it out while she led me to believe that there was a future... and slammed it in my face that she was with another guy... and everything is dead over.

Yea I'm hurting but it wasn't as bad as it was a month ago. However, I still do feel sad... but not because of the breakup now... more of the fact that I'm sad because it feels like I lost someone special in my heart... and I did. I had a lot of things to share with her... not to mention I just finished writing and composing a song for her that I now have no used for.

I was wondering... how come she was the most sweetest girl I ever met as of date when I was with her... but when we broke up... she's a completely new person... Is this how everyone turns out to be after a break up.. (atleast the girl)

[Leonstryfe]

Wow that's a lot of to think about... She was great and everything as a girlfriend... this is why I'm slightly confused with the way she is acting right now... I really doubt she'll be back and I just feel like for me at least... to move on is to just forget everything and not even bother if she comes back or not.

I'm glad you have a better experience with your situation.

Sorry by the way for posting twice, I guess my comp messed up.

[Leonstryfe]

Not going to try to repeat typing everything but this is what happened:

Anyway, I decided to go into NC because it does hurt talking to her and knowing something about. I prefer not to know anything that's happening with her, hearing her or anything of some sort. I'm moving on and I'm actually feeling a lot of better day and day.

However, just last night, she contacts me by text, asking me how I was and how my midterms went? It's a nice gesture, then her ending sentence, if I can remember ( I couldn't read it so I had my friend read it for me) "maybe in future we can talk again"

I don't know how to react... should I bother responding or just leaving it be and moving on... I don't want to be mean... she ignored for a while yea... but I know how it feels and I'm not the type of person to do such thing... I'm not sure if I should just be nice and say something in response. Maybe I'm being stupid..

[JBeaucaire]

I would not be reading these text message at all. Delete them without reading, if your phone allows it, don't even receive those texts. You're letting her, with very little effort on her part, put you back into a mental frenzy. Don't give her that power.

If she wants to reconnect with you, she can do it in person.

[HistorianChick]

You're not being stupid, you're acting with your heart. You've listened to your heart, your emotions, your feelings... now listen to your head.

You know that you need to not read her text messages because they make you feel awful. You know that you are moving on. You know that you are feeling better and are more able to live your life for you, rather than second guess yourself and try and figure out what she is trying to do. You know that you're in a better place right now then you were when you were with her. You know all of this.

Don't let emotions cloud your good judgement. I agree with JB, don't even read the messages. Don't give her back pieces of your heart that you've reclaimed. Don't give her your power. Don't allow her to control you, your reactions, or your emotions.

You're doing well, keep it up. :)

[talaniman]

Break ups bring out the worst in us, for sure.

[talaniman]

You're letting her, with very little effort on her part, put you back into a mental frenzy. Don't give her that power.

That is a very true statement. After all you've been through, ignore her, and keep building a life you enjoy, without her in it. She gave up the right to ask you anything when she dumped you. Keep no contact, and keep your dignity and self respect.

[Leonstryfe]

Yea I realized that, thanks a lot guys. Plus I found it funny because she wrote somewhere along the lines of me being able to speak to her again. Lol What is this... for me to be able to talk to her = a privilege.. It's just funny... by the way, thanks a lot guys..

[cerisa]

Leon, maybe her leaving is the best thing that could happen for you. Really. You are pursuing a good education which translates to a good future. She is mature enough to understand this?" Love is patient, love is kind" are true words. She is behaving spitefully because she is doing something wrong herself. Rebound? I don't think so. I think she has been seeing someone else or planning to leave for a while. Let her bestow her crumbs on someone else. A woman who appreciates you and the sacrifice you make for a secure future will come your way. She will be the one happy to see you succeed.

[COOKIE MONSTER]

I agree with historianchick-dont give her your power,
talaniman-she gave up the right to ask you anything when she dumped you 100% spot on,
And cerisa -a woman who appreciates you and the sacrifice you make for a secure future will come your way,she will be the one happy to see you succeed.

I told you not to let her get to you and that's what she's trying to do with the tex,she's seeing if your still sat their waiting for her to tex and come back,I wouldn't put it past her if she's been waiting for you to begg her to come back and because you haven't she texed you first to see if you would reply

Your doing great just keep your chin up and your mind bizi

[Witchywoman1212]

Now I see what's happening,very similar to mine, ex moves on quickly-meaning she probably met the guy beforehand,and then start being mean and spiteful to you.
Very similar, you soooo need to not contact her anymore, its difficult,believe me I know and struggling from it.
You have friends here, so don't think you have to go this alone:)