Emotional Suffocation and Confusion
Hey guys... I'm new here so I would like to say that it is a pleasure to meet and talk to you all. I read a lot of post, and made me realize a lot of things... but I have to admit, regardless of many wonderful advices, it is still really tough... Although many of the situations here revolve around break ups which can relate to me, I would still like to get some of your opinions regarding my situation. I hope I'm not being selfish by asking as such...
Well... I'm not even sure where to begin... about a month ago, exactly 3 days after Valentines day, my girlfriend... of 4 years broke up with me and I really took it bad. I have to admit I was partially at fault (I guess we both were) that it ended up the way it did.
Our relationship for the past 3 years was really good... although we had ups and downs, we both promised each other that if there are any problems... that we would talk about it. Although we had arguments, it was not severe that it ruined the relationship. I was always open to her about any concerns and fears that I have and vice versa, she did too, as well. We always spent time together and were inseparable. I introduced her to my family and she was treated as one of our own. We took her to vacations and we all cared about her. I would always worry when she goes out late at night... and I would always take her home and bring her safely if need be. I treated her with every respect and loved her to my fullest.
However, there are problems that began recently that just really developed and exploded in the end... She never told me the problem exactly, however I knew about it and was planning to do something to make her feel happy. Although she didn't tell me what was eating her... I knew she felt unappreciated as of late, and unhappy... We haven't gone out a lot anymore and at the same time, she felt that I relied on her a lot... which sadly I did last semester especially.
The thing is, it was a tough time for me... someone very dear to me, passed away recently... and on top of that, it was during Finals. Being in Columbia University and as a Biomedical Engineering Major and Pre-Med... also made it worse for me and it was a tough and stressful time. I couldn't give her enough time although we talked about it and I thought she understood. I have to admit, my hands are not clean and we have had arguments that was really bad... however I made sure it didn't carry to the next day and I tried to work it out.
Everything went well... I guess however somehow I somehow felt that she felt discontent so I began planning a lot of things. (First of all, she kept trying to find out when am I going to propose to her, which is really uncool... I think proposal should take place as a surprise. Maybe this is my mistake but I lied to her and told her after medical school which really isn't the truth. I was actually planning to marry her a year and half from now after Columbia). I was going to take her and travel to Maine with her (ski trip), go ballroom dancing (which she wanted to do for awhile) etc. Cause I knew she was feeling unhappy and I wanted to show her that she is very much appreciated for being there all the time.
I think I'm writing too much so to make it short and simple.. she suddenly broke up with me in the PHONE and told me she doesn't love me anymore. Foolish me, in desperation and panicked traveled from my place to her house via Subway during 3am to just talk to her face to face. When I arrived at her house she lied to me that she wasn't there, then threatened to call cops on me...
The night ended and nothing really happened... however she did promised to meet me the following afternoon in which I waited and she did not show up. She then avoided all my calls and text. A week later we met and we chatted and she told me she doesn't love me anymore and only sees me as a friend. Yea... I got the point and I stopped pursuing the relationship. However I cared and still loved her... (maybe I was acting stupid) We decided to see each other as friends and went ballroom dancing as planned (3 days in a row). Everything went so well... that by the end of the night... she was so happy and kissed me and had me kissed her... What am I supposed to think...
The following day though, she was bitter and spiteful again towards me... telling me what do I have that other guys do not... which hurts a lot and even then I dropped her home at 2am, but when I tried to kiss her, she back out and pushed me away...
I felt like during our meetings, I felt lead on... One moment she does something that makes me feel that there is hope, and the next she does something that makes it feel like its over... she says doesn't love me anymore and sees me as a friend and then following day... she kissed me again and told me I still love you but I don't know right now...
She asked for time and I gave her time... thinking it would the best thing to do. Now after 3 weeks... I found out she's dating a new guy... (friggin rebound? ) and that when I called her... all she says to me is bitter words, and is very spiteful, cold and uncaring. Yet 1 week ago, I saw in her eyes that she was still caring about everything I do... She doesn't answer my text, doesn't call me and at the same time... she is really mean to me and tells me I'm the worse BF she ever had... Considering I was with her for 4 years and her other relationships were only months + her ex before that cheated on her...
I was always faithful to her and never once considered any other girl but her. I cared and loved her so much and yet now she is so distant and cold towards me...
I don't exactly know what to do right now... I'll give more info if need be...
Thanks for reading my problem... I just needed it to get off my chest..
Sorry for the really crappy grammar errors, I just typed it as it came to my head.
Emotional Confusion and Suffocation
Hey guys... I'm new here so I would like to say that it is a pleasure
To meet and talk to you all. I read a lot of post, and made me realize
A lot of things... but I have to admit, regardless of many wonderful
Advices, it is still really tough... Although many of the situations
Here revolve around break ups which can relate to me, I would still
Like to get some of your opinions regarding my situation. I hope I'm
Not being selfish by asking as such...
Well... I'm not even sure where to begin... about a month ago, exactly
3 days after Valentines day, my girlfriend... of 4 years broke up with
Me and I really took it bad. I have to admit I was partially at fault
(I guess we both were) that it ended up the way it did.
Our relationship for the past 3 years was really good... although we
Had ups and downs, we both promised each other that if there are any
Problems... that we would talk about it. Although we had arguments, it
Was not severe that it ruined the relationship. I was always open to
Her about any concerns and fears that I have and vice versa, she did
Too, as well. We always spent time together and were inseparable. I
Introduced her to my family and she was treated as one of our own. We
Took her to vacations and we all cared about her. I would always worry
When she goes out late at night... and I would always take her home
And bring her safely if need be. I treated her with every respect and
Loved her to my fullest.
However, there are problems that began recently that just really
Developed and exploded in the end... She never told me the problem
Exactly, however I knew about it and was planning to do something to
Make her feel happy. Although she didn't tell me what was eating
Her... I knew she felt unappreciated as of late, and unhappy... We
Haven't gone out a lot anymore and at the same time, she felt that I
Relied on her a lot... which sadly I did last semester especially.
The thing is, it was a tough time for me... someone very dear to me,
Passed away recently... and on top of that, it was during Finals.
Being in Columbia University and as a Biomedical Engineering Major and
Pre-Med... also made it worse for me and it was a tough and stressful
Time. I couldn't give her enough time although we talked about it and
I thought she understood. I have to admit, my hands are not clean and
We have had arguments that was really bad... however I made sure it
Didn't carry to the next day and I tried to work it out.
Everything went well... I guess however somehow I somehow felt that
She felt discontent so I began planning a lot of things. (First of
All, she kept trying to find out when am I going to propose to her, which
Is really uncool... I think proposal should take place as a surprise.
Maybe this is my mistake but I lied to her and told her after medical
School which really isn't the truth. I was actually planning to marry
Her a year and half from now after Columbia). I was going to take her and
Travel to Maine with her (ski trip), go ballroom dancing (which she
Wanted to do for awhile) etc. Cause I knew she was feeling unhappy and
I wanted to show her that she is very much appreciated for being there
All the time.
I think I'm writing too much so to make it short and simple.. she
Suddenly broke up with me in the PHONE and told me she doesn't love me
Anymore. Foolish me, in desperation and panicked traveled from my
Place to her house via Subway during 3am to just talk to her face to
Face. When I arrived at her house she lied to me that she wasn't
There, then threatened to call cops on me...
The night ended and nothing really happened... however she did
Promised to meet me the following afternoon in which I waited and she
Did not show up. She then avoided all my calls and text. A week later
We met and we chatted and she told me she doesn't love me anymore and
Only sees me as a friend. Yea... I got the point and I stopped
Pursuing the relationship. However I cared and still loved her...
(maybe I was acting stupid) We decided to see each other as friends
And went ballroom dancing as planned (3 days in a row). Everything
Went so well... that by the end of the night... she was so happy and
Kissed me and had me kissed her... What am I supposed to think...
The following day though, she was bitter and spiteful again towards
Me... telling me what do I have that other guys do not... which hurts
A lot and even then I dropped her home at 2am, but when I tried to
Kiss her, she back out and pushed me away...
I felt like during our meetings, I felt lead on... One moment she does
Something that makes me feel that there is hope, and the next she does
Something that makes it feel like its over... she says doesn't love me
Anymore and sees me as a friend and then following day... she kissed
Me again and told me I still love you but I don't know right now...
She asked for time and I gave her time... thinking it would the best
Thing to do. Now after 3 weeks... I found out she's dating a new guy...
(friggin rebound? ) and that when I called her... all she says to me
Is bitter words, and is very spiteful, cold and uncaring. Yet 1 week
Ago, I saw in her eyes that she was still caring about everything I
Do... She doesn't answer my text, doesn't call me and at the same
Time... she is really mean to me and tells me I'm the worse BF she
Ever had... Considering I was with her for 4 years and her other
Relationships were only months + her ex before that cheated on her...
I was always faithful to her and never once considered any other girl
But her. I cared and loved her so much and yet now she is so distant
And cold towards me... and have treated me like for the passed month. Avoided me, told me so many hurtful things… and at the same time pull a joke on me with her friends. Is that… We’re 22 years old… how childish is that. What’s worse is that, apparently some of her friends, especially this one girl, loves joining in the drama probably bored as hell, and text’s me saying “I sucked as a bf, and that she is with someone better now, and that I was stupid for losing such a wonderful gf” what the heck? They’re acting really immature and all of our other friends who knew us together is really pissed at her for acting really stupid and immature.
I think that it’s really is wishful thinking to tell someone that you broke up with after such along time that you just want to be friends. The thing is, I admit it was partially my fault but I was and still am always willing to do something about it but she just refused accept, and told me its too late. Too late for what? How can she abandon and dropped me so easily after for so many years of being together..
Anyway, it’s been a about 1 month and a week since she broke up with me, and I feel a lot stronger now than I was earlier then when I felt emotionally suffocated during the first week of the break up.
This is where my question comes up. Every morning I wake up feeling like crap and a crap load of memories just comes into my head and I lay down there feeling even worse than before. Furthermore, even though I know I shouldn’t how come there are still feelings that I can’t get rid off. I still care and I worry about her, and at the same time wish that there would be ways for her to make her come back… but on the other hand, I don’t want to anymore because of what she did these past month towards me… I’m just really confused… I want to move on and forget about her… because every thought about her, especially since she's with another man, really hurts me a lot! But at the same time, I can’t shake the feeling of love I still have for her… It feels like I’m stabbing my wound over and over again… and it’s already been a month!. guy’s what do I do… even as of now though, the only attachment between me and her for her I believe is that I still owe her money for the things we splitted on in which she is asking me to pay her back. I used to think that she still cares but now I really know she doesn’t… What do I do… I’m really lost right now and I’m really getting tired of this…
A part of me wants to be there as a friend and eventually some miracle might happen and what not but a part of me just really wants to forget her existence and being…
Sorry for TYPING so much… I just feel like I need to this off my chest!
Thank you guys!!
Chris