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mwilliams15 · Oct 7, 2007, 11:44 AM

Entire story merged

Hi everyone.. I just want to know what everyone thinks about this.

I'm almost 20 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years on Monday =). Right now I live with my cousin in an apartment, but she is graduating in the spring so I need to start looking for a new roomie. My question is, do you think it is a good or bad idea to have my boyfriend move in next year? By the time we move in together, we will have been together 3 years and I will be a junior in college. The apartment I live in right now is 2 bedroom. I think if we moved in together, we would each have our own room just so we can have our privacy when we want it.

In a way I really want to live with my boyfriend, it would be great to always have him around. But on the otherhand, I don't want to get so sick of him to the point where I don't want to be with him anymore, you know? I could definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with this guy, but I do realize I am young and have a lot of time ahead of me.

Thoughts, ideas, tips... appreciated =)

N0help4u · Oct 7, 2007, 11:52 AM

Give it the extra year. By then you will know and yeesh by that time you might even decide to just get married. As far as getting tired of each other if you love each other that much and give each other their own space (keep your individuality and not try to change each other) it should work out as good if not better than any other relationship.
I always hear older woman say they wish their husband wasn't retired cause NOW he is on their nerves :)

templelane · Oct 7, 2007, 12:27 PM

My boyfriend and I did a kind of 'test run' where we lived together for a couple of months in one of our houses, we tried during a stressful time (exams) and a really boring time when we were in each other's company 24/7. It let us know that moving in together was a good idea, as we didn't annoy each other at all, even when nothing was going on in our outside lives. You should try a test run as well and see how you get on. :)

Bluerose · Oct 7, 2007, 02:35 PM

You have some time to think about this, a good things really. You come across like you have a good head on your shoulders. Take your time and everything will be fine.

GeniusfromGeniusHell · Oct 7, 2007, 07:08 PM

There's never going to be a perfect time to move in together, if that is what you want to know. If you both want to try it, just do it. Yes moving in together can be a great way to ruin a relationship, but if you can't pull it off after 2 years then you may not be able to pull it off at all.

The risk is things don't work out and he moves out (or you do), and it spells the end of the relationship. Or maybe he moves out and you guys keep going. Either way, it isn't the end of the world. If you both want to try it out, give it a shot.

The Lake House · Oct 7, 2007, 07:19 PM

In my opinion, you should NOT be moving in until you are committed to each other (married).

GeniusfromGeniusHell · Oct 7, 2007, 07:51 PM

I'd go so far as to say that you should never, ever marry someone unless you've lived with them. When would you want to find out if you can successfully live with someone? When you are married? Not a good idea. And no, just loving someone is no indicator that you can live with the person.

mwilliams15 · Oct 16, 2007, 08:02 PM

Well.. I'll start this by saying that my boyfriend evidently is extremely jealous and I find it really weird.
I'll start at the beginning and I hope its not too long.

This summer I started going back to gymnastics to get in shape for college cheerleading tryouts. I brought my boyfriend along because he wanted to watch. Well, he started participating in the sessions and learned how to tumble a bit and really liked it. We tried to stunt together one day and it went OK.. but I just had him stunt with me because my instructor was helping someone else.

Anyway.. I tried out for cheerleading in late August and made the team. Everything has been going pretty good but my boyfriend is really jealous. There were a few spots left on the team and he said he kind of wanted to do it.. and I told him no because to tell you the truth.. I don't want to get sick of him.. we're together all the time except for cheerleading.. and it's like my thing.. my special hobby.. my time to be with friends and do what I've done since I was 5 yrs old, you know?

Well.. tonight he comes in at the end of my practice and is sitting there watching. I was talking to this guy about how to fix this tumbling pass he was working on. Practice ends and I walk over to my boyfriend and he says that he needs to talk to me. We get back to my apartment and we're sitting in the car. He tells me that he wants to cheer and when he cheers with me it's the only time he feels like we're a team.
He's never been a cheerleader in his life.. now all of a sudden.. since I'm doing it, he wants to.
In the past I took my lifeguard test because I wanted to be a lifeguard, well guess who had to go get their lifeguarding certs too? Before that I needed a job so I applied at a telemarketing place.. and he had to do that too. I just feel like every time there's something I want to do, he's on my heels having to copy it all and it's a bit annoying.

He ended up storming out of my car because I told him that I didn't know what he wanted me to do about the situation since every spot is filled now.
I don't know.. I don't even know what the question is here.. but what do you all think about this situation? Someone please reply.

babigirl1 · Oct 16, 2007, 08:13 PM

It sounds to me that he is very jealous and wants to be everywhere you are. It sounds more like being over protective. He want to make sure you don't talk to any other man, for there fear of him lossing you. I would have to say he has very low self esteem.

You can't let him take over your intire life and that is what he is trying to do here. You need to talk to him about how this is making you feel and if he doesn't understand than that is his problem not your and don't let him try to make it yours

enigmagnetic · Oct 16, 2007, 08:29 PM

Well dear, I wouldn't let you out of my sight either, look at you! Seriously though don't be surprised if you find yourself handcuffed to him one morning. He's the clingy type. It's not only jealousy but he otherwise has no life of his own. I too would want SOMETHING of my own. You're in college anyway who really needs something this serious? This is beyond marriage though, even married people WANT alone time. If you really like him, the bum I mean beau just be honest. Tell him that he is getting weird and you need space and time for yourself. Tell him it's unhealthy for you too to be constantly around each other, but that you really care for him but wished he got a hobby of his own. If that doesn't work say OK to the cheerleading thing then tell him you want to see him do a back flip only make sure to oil up the mat before he does, boom broken leg six weeks out huh huh? Good luck. Cheers

mwilliams15 · Oct 16, 2007, 09:24 PM

I've tried to tell him to get a hobby and so on.. This is just really tearing me apart you know!
To be honest with you I really do love this guy.. and I feel so stupid because I see situations on here all the time and my automatic response is that the person is young and has so much ahead of them so its OK for them to move on but I don't want to move on. I want to make it work but he's making it nearly impossible because I feel like I can't have anything of my own.
we just talked on the phone and I try to talk to him but he doesn't listen and says I'm not listening to him. He says that we never see each other and if it wasn't for him we never would. I can't help it.. I have to go to school, eat, study, and go to practice only 3 times a week. I told him we can spend time on the weekend but he says its like we don't have anything together that makes us actually be in a relationship.
I just don't know how to get him to understand that I have to be my own person, and he has to be his on person, but we can also be us without having to literally come in a pair all the time. I just really don't know what to do to accomplish this. Then when I get upset and cry over it he says that its not going to work on him and that I'm trying to make things all about me.
This just hurts so bad and I want to fix it and don't know how =( Im in a rut.

magprob · Oct 16, 2007, 10:07 PM

Do you think that if you two have a baby... nevermind.

enigmagnetic · Oct 17, 2007, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by mwilliams15

I've tried to tell him to get a hobby and so on.. This is just really tearing me apart you know!
To be honest with you i really do love this guy.. and i feel so stupid because i see situations on here all the time and my automatic response is that the person is young and has so much ahead of them so its ok for them to move on but i dont want to move on. I want to make it work but hes making it nearly impossible because i feel like i can't have anything of my own.
we just talked on the phone and i try to talk to him but he doesnt listen and says im not listening to him. he says that we never see each other and if it wasnt for him we never would. I can't help it.. i have to go to school, eat, study, and go to practice only 3 times a week. I told him we can spend time onthe weekend but he says its like we dont have anything together that makes us actually be in a relationship.
I just dont know how to get him to understand that I have to be my own person, and he has to be his on person, but we can also be us without having to literally come in a pair all the time. I just really don't know what to do to accomplish this. Then when i get upset and cry over it he says that its not going to work on him and that im trying to make things all about me.
This just hurts so bad and i want to fix it and dont know how =( Im in a rut.

Aww. Young love, it's so sweet it nearly filters the dry cynic blood coursing through me, sigh.

Listen he needs to be more of a guy. I mean to be honest most men want time alone. I know you love him but ultimately if he doesn't change you know he's only going to push you away. I mean it will only frustrate you more if he keeps this up not less. You're going to feel suffocated eventually. He's really co-dependent. Doesn't he have any friends? He's obsessed with you dear. That's never good. It sounds like he doesn't have much experience with relationships. Well if you really care for him it looks like you have to take the initiative. You got to be honest. Just tell him straight out what you want. Tell him you love him and that he's the only one, but you have to have your you time. It's not like you're out partying without him, I mean you're just a busy girl. I'm sorry to say but if he doesn't change you would need to take a break from him, because sometimes that's the only way. You have to ask yourself, how long could you really take him being this way? Cheers.

BiWiccanAndProud · Oct 17, 2007, 08:12 PM

I say tell him straight out that it's getting on your nerves. You need to be alone everyone needs time alone. He sounds like a friend of mines guy, he is always around he comes to her work and watches her, he's the kind of guy who probably thinks that she's ing in the freezer! I'd hope your guy isn't that obsessed yet though. Point is tell him that you love him and always want to be with him but that if you spend too much time together it is likely you'll get bored... it's no different then when a couple as sex too much and they eventually get bored and want to try something new (cheat), in this case though it will just push you away. Let him know that.

mwilliams15 · Oct 27, 2007, 10:49 PM

I absolutely hate the fact that I feel the way I feel right now. Something like this has never happened to me.. and I have never felt pain like this before in my life.

I went to a halloween party last night with my boyfriend and some other friends. Evidently.. when I was off talking to some of my girl friends.. my boyfriend was grabbing girls butts. I know he was extremely drunk, but in my opinion, there is no excuse at all.

I confronted him about it. I asked him if he did that and he said that he vaguely remembered it... and all he had to say for himself was that he was sorry.

My heart feels completely broken.. I don't want to have to hurt like this.. its not fun what so ever.. and I love this guy.. he's been the best thing in the world to me for the past 2 years and this is SO unlike him.. I have no idea if I did anything wrong or what.. Today I've been asking myself.. what did I do for this to happen to me.. does he not find me sexy/attractive anymore.. why would he do something like this...

I don't know what to do.. I'm angry.. I'm extremely hurt/heartbroken. I don't know if I need to stay and make it work.. or leave him..

Please help me =( I need to heal this brokenhearted/empty/numb pain ASAP!

wackymb · Oct 28, 2007, 12:40 AM

First of all, by your picture you look like a pretty woman. And I think since he said he was sorry, you should let it go. Unless he does this all the time. He was really drunk right? I've done things I didn't like when I was drunk. Does he is any way show you that he doesn't want to be with you? Has he ever cheated on you since you've been together for the past two years? If not, I would try to forget about it unless he does it again, then I would leave him. Does he tell you how much he loves you? And does he want to get married? If he does then he was just really drunk and being stupid. At least he didn't kiss them or have sex with them, right? Well, hope things work out.

jeffatl · Oct 28, 2007, 12:42 AM

Well, by your picture (if that is you) you don't have to worry about thinking you are "attractive". Sometimes guys are stupid, but I'm not sure its something you should leave him for. It all depends on how strogly you feel about what he did, but that is up to you. Don't look for validation from anyone but yourself. Being "sexy/attracitve" is more of a personality, and confidence thing than a physical one. Be confident in who you are and someone that DESERVES your attention and love will see that. To me, it seems like you should let this one go... only because it doesn't look like he has the same respect for you that you have for him. You women love jerks though, so who knws what's best for you but you.

jeffatl · Oct 28, 2007, 12:43 AM

Originally Posted by wackymb

First of all, by your picture you look like a pretty woman

VERRY FUNNY! We both thought the same thing! Pretty girls just go for the WRONG guys...

cerisa · Oct 28, 2007, 07:48 PM

Mwilliams, he adores you. You have posted here before and it is obvious that he does. On the other hand... getting so drunk you act like a horses patootie is NOT good. If you love him, tell him to cut down on the booze, stay away from the gurlz and let the course of true love go on. Second offense, kick him to the curb.

mwilliams15 · Oct 28, 2007, 08:03 PM

Thanks everyone for all the input.. Things have just been a little rocky between us these past few months and we've been trying to get things back to the way they were. Today he took me out for a picnic in a pretty scenic area and we talked about things. I'm hoping we can work it out.. but I won't ever let him do something like that to me again.. if it happens again I don't think I can go through this twice.. so I'll have no other choice but to let him go. But again.. everyone had very good advice and its nice to hear from what you guys had to say.