[Destro3000]

Hey everyone.
Im 22 (turning 23 in a few weeks) and have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. We have been best friends ever since we met 8 years ago. In high school she went out with this guy for about 18months and dumped him for me (I was as surprised as anyone else.. im not reallt attractive.) Anyway, we had been doing great. We fought here and there but we never broke up in the 5 years. Our families loved each other. She is the love of my life. Sadly, this summer, we both had jobs where we didn't get to see each other much and I became good friends with a girl at work (a very social environment) and I cheated on my girlfriend (no sleeping with though). I felt terrible and told my girlfriend a few days after. She thanked me for telling her (well, after she was upset) and said we could work through it (we're both the same age, roughly). Problem is that I felt so bad about it, I felt like I didn't deserve to be with her anymore and tried to convince myself I did it cause it was right to be with the other girl (which we knew from the start was just a fling type thing.. she was actually pushing me to stay with the gf). After a few weeks, I broke up with my girlfriend and it was the worst and hardest thing I could ever do. I kept on acting and talking as if I was still into the other girl while keeping in touch with the girlfriend.

After about a month of that, I isolated myself from eveyrone and tried to, I guess, "find myself" and I realised how much I was still in love with my (now) ex girlfriend. We were supposed to see each other after exams (her last biochem semestre, and I'm in Law school).. I was going to tell her then... about a day before she announced to me that she's been seeing someone else and that she moved on..

So for the last month I've been actively telling her how much I want her back and how much I love her. Everything seems wrong about her being gone. Even our friends want us to get back together. She keeps saying she wants to stay good friends and maybe one day we can get back together, but wants something different than me and needs to see things through with this new guy (who by the way messaged me to tell me he was basically using her).

I really want her back, and I can't think of anything else. Ive had panic attacks over it and am now seeing a councillor.


Any ideas what I should do? (im not a bad guy.. I never cheated on her before nor will I do it again... and for the record, she also cheated on me a year prior to this and never told me.. I found out after a month that we broke up)

[TrueFaith]

Give us more details on this girl? Cheating of any way isn't cool man..


You can try talking to her and see how she feels about you now.

But you have done some pretty bad things man
That I don't think you can come back from

You did one bad thing then you just keept on going down.

[Destro3000]

I know cheating isn't cool. Trust me, I feel bad enough about it as it is, as I probably ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.

My ex is 22, science student who just graduated her degree a few weeks ago. Eum... im not sure what you want to know. She's more reserved than outgoing.

We've been talking, but she keeps saying that it feels wrong to come back right now and that I need to be alone. She also says that I treated her badly, but then says that she doesn't want me to think I was a bad boyfriend ( I did not treat her badly!). She still wants to talk to me, but claims that she can't trust me right now (even though I told her). She wants to see me, but doesn't. She says that the guy she's with now is just dating around, but then claims that he means a lot..

She's all over the place... and nothing she says is good for me :(

[talaniman]

She is trying to move on, and so should you. It takes a heckuva long time to regain trust, that's been broken, if ever.

[nkychic]

I agree with talaniman. She is trying to move on. I understand your families want you together, your friends want you back together, you want to be back with her, but none of that matters. What matters now is "Does she want to be back with you?" That's obviously not the case, at least not now. You need to give her the room she needs. If you care that much for her, than you want her to be happy (isn't that why you broke up in the first place?) If you continue to tell her how much you care *aka* smother her, than you will lose her altogether. Move on with your life and let her move on with hers. It's easier said than done, I know, but you have to find the strength to do so. I wish you the best of luck! If it's meant to be it will be!! You can't force her to be with you again.

<3 Leslie

[jenn_r21]

I definitely feel for you man. Although I'm not in the same situation as you are, I definitely know what it's like to make a mistake and you feel as though you lost the best thing in your life -- especially when they won't either forgive you or take you back or whatever.

I think that you just need to focus on yourself right now. Try and re-evaluate things in your head and think about things clearly. Question yourself about whether this relationship with this girl is what you really want. If it is really what you want (and for the right reasons of course), then I say wait it out. I personally don't think there is any harm in being patient, as long as you don't put your life on hold and you're realistic about it. Don't shut yourself out from the world, get out there and meet new people and build new relationships, because at the end of the day, you never know what can happen!

I have found that in the past couple of weeks, if you search within yourself (as corny as that sounds) and you get in touch with who you are, relationships in your life become a lot more clear and what you want becomes more clear. I mean, you may already know yourself and know completely what you want. If this is the case, then I say that you should just be patient, because it's like someone said above there, if it's meant to work out... it just will. I don't ever see a problem in keeping your ex in the back of your mind and having some kind of hope that you two might get back together, but like I said.. as long as you don't let it waste your life away and as long as it doesn't consume you.

And by the sounds of it, it seems as though she doesn't know what she wants and in which case equals space. Take it from someone that knows, smothering someone or apologizing continuously only makes things worse. It pushes the person you love further and further away. I think she needs time, as do you, to figure things out in her head. As much as it hurts to let someone go and let the person figure things out, it really is the best thing in the long run. I used to think that if I gave my ex space and was out of his life for a while, he'd forget about me, but if he was able to forget about me that easily -- then it wasn't worth it in the first place. So, with that said, I think the same applies to you. Perhaps I'm completely wrong, but this is the way I see things!

Good luck with everything!

[Destro3000]

Thanks everyone. Honnest answers is all I really want, so thanks :)

As far as finding myself, I've done that. I spent a month soul searching to find out why and if I really wanted her back. Ironnically, she said she would have taken me back had I not taken that time. Heh.


I will be patient. I have to. I have school starting up tomorrow and I do go out and meet people... I just end up talking about her all the time now though.. heh.


Its just hard to lose your best friend in the process, the one person whom I would talk to everyday about anything, and now she just acts like we never had anything in common.

I know I broke her trust... and I want her to be happy... but in many ways I guess I'm very selfish, as I want to be happy too.

Anyway, thanks everyone :)