[Ali87]

Let's make it to the point. I'm 21, by boss is 50 and married with kids.

I would basically like to know whether I'm mistaking him just being caring & affectionate with flirtation.

- Touching me back, shoulders, neck in a friendly type of way
- Winking at me
- Kisses on the cheek for a good days work or special occasion
- Interest in my personal life, what I do on weekends/boyfriends/etc.
- Commenting on my figure and 'attributes'
- Holding my hand when speaking to me
- Advising me to be careful on the weekends etc.
- Refers to me as darling, honey, sweatheart or beautiful
- Leaves me notes which end in Love (his name)
- Lots of praise and you know we really love you working here, don't leave, etc.


We get along very well. I know he loves his family very much. However, I can't tell whether this is his personality. i.e. - he's just caring and affectionate, or if he is actually flirting with me.

Comments Apprectiated :)

[starfirefly]

Well the thing is DOES IT BOTHER YOU? Cause by law he is not allowed to touch you in anyway. And he can be charged for it even calling you darling and stuff is strongly considered harassment. But the problem is it's a tough to prove sexual harassment, if he's doing it to other woman than you may all want to file a claim against him or ask him to stop cause even if it doesn't bothere you it may bother your other co-workers and that can be a big problem as well

[Ali87]

Does it bother me? Well.. not particularly. I like the attention to be honest it's a bit of an upper in the workplace. I know of other staff that they have experienced similar situations. What really got me thinking and saying to myself "hang on what's really going on here", was a comment he made about my bust and just noticing that the more time we spend together working the more I notice him looking at me, "checking me out". I've experienced this kind of thing before with a sporting coach... ironically they both share the same name. In that situation it escalated and action needed to be taken. However, I don't think this will get to that stage. In your opinion if you had a boss doing the same thing would you interpret it as flirtation?

*Why do I always find myself in these types of situations?* Argh

[starfirefly]

Where I work this doesn't usually happen cause our union has very strick rules, and management is not allwed to talk to us with out a represenitive with us

[peggyhill]

What he is doing would be considered sexual harassment. He shouldn't be making any comments about how you look (I like your new haircut, or generic stuff like that that you would say to anyone), touching you, or signing any notes 'love'. I don't think it's personality; I think he is flirting.

I think your best course of action would be to tell him in a polite way that it needs to stop. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable because people might think that something was going on between you two that isn't. Perhaps mention that you don't want them to think that way because of the age difference and the fact that he is your supervisor.

Even if it doesn't bother you, please still speak up. He might behave the same way towards someone who it would bother. Perhaps if you speak up now, you will prevent another employee from feeling uncomfortable. The guy should know by this point in his life that his behavior is out of line. As I matter of fact, I bet he does know.

One thing that I say when faced with this problem is to tell the guy, "You know, if you were a couple years younger, you would remind me so much of my dad. You guys look so similar, you could be twins." In my experience, nothing turns a guy off quicker that telling him he looks like your dad. It reminds him of the age difference, but in a nice way.

Document what happens and when. If he doesn't stop, tell him that you will be forced to take action. I bet he will as soon as you speak up, because I'm sure he knows his behavior is wrong. If he doesn't, check with your local employment office. They can give you info. On sexual harassment and your rights, as well as advice on what to do in this situation. Good luck and hope all works out.

[Fr_Chuck]

- Touching me back, shoulders, neck in a friendly type of way
There is no "friendly" touching, does it do it to the male workers ? Most likely not, this is crossing the line

- Winking at me, Ok, I doubt he wuold wink at me if I worked there

- Kisses on the cheek for a good days work or special occasion
This crosses the line from work to sexual harassment I am not beleiveing you are even having a question

- Interest in my personal life, what I do on weekends/boyfriends/etc.
Ok, so he is nosy, I know all about people where I work

- Commenting on my figure and 'attributes'
Crosses the line

- Holding my hand when speaking to me
Ok, did you get raised in a convent or what if you can't see this

- Advising me to be careful on the weekends etc.
Not a issue
- Refers to me as darling, honey, sweatheart or beautiful
Unless you are in the far south, sorry this is bad

- Leaves me notes which end in Love (his name)
I call that evidence, keep them for court


Of course he loves his family that does not stop them from cheating on their wives with the girl in the office