[shygrneyzs]

The assumption is that you are obsessed with getting things your way and your lack of coping skills with letting go.

If you took all that same energy and put it to recovery, you would be way ahead already.

[jomore]

Unfortunately for most of the askers--we've been there, we've done that, and we see how childish it is to HAVE to have a person back.

I'm not forcing anything. And how is it childish if they don't know about it?

Once you've broken up, taken a break, separated, whatever--the relationship is OVER. Done. Kaput. Finis. The End. Etc.

I simply don't think that's true. This is the bitter part I was talking about. What's wrong with giving people some useful, positive tips and advice about dealing with a break up?

The ONLY things that you can do to make a person attracted to you again are to be yourself, don't play games, get out there and do things that YOU enjoy, things for YOURSELF, not because you think it will get you someone else.

That brings this article (Why Not "Just Be Yourself") to mind.

Getting someone back is next to impossible, ESPECIALLY in the first year after it happens.

That's a big assumption IMO.

It's sounds harsh and bitter--but really---why do you want to be with a person that doesn't want to be with you?

It does sound harsh and bitter, but I'm not surprised with this kind of reaction. I don't believe that this person doesn't want to be with me forever, per se, I think that it's a test - and I obviously can't tell her that otherwise I'd fail.

---

@shygrneyzs - What human has the skills to let things go? I'm not a control freak an that's a bad assumption to go by; but I do see your point about putting energy to getting over her. Point is, I'm not ready or willing to let her go, just yet anyway, because there is still hope, I'm certain.

[Synnen]

I don't think it's an assumption. If things were working out the way they were, you wouldn't be broken up now, right?

So... something about your relationship wasn't completely right to begin with. Was it you, was it her, was it a combination--I don't know.

I DO know that 99% of the time, when someone has broken up with someone else, it's NOT a "test". It's something they've thought about on their own for a while without bothering to discuss it with the other party in the relationship. By the time they DO discuss it, it's because they've made up their minds to break up--to the person doing the breaking up, the relationship IS over. Completely. The test was when they were still thinking about breaking up with you, and you failed it, or they wouldn't have broken up with you.

Sorry--think what you like. I've been through several relationships, both good and bad, though, and been on both ends of the break-up stick. I think I understand what some of it is about by now.

[heat515]

jomore,

I just want to offer a bit of perspective. I broke up with a man I really loved for various reasons. I tried calling him a few times, but he was also doing the NC. One day after I called him to tell him I still had feelings for him (he ignored the call), he put something on his Facebook about going on a date. Then a week or so ago, he unblocked me from msn (he blocked me as soon as we broke up) only for me to find another statement about him going on a date.

Now, I can't tell you if he is trying to make me jealous or he found someone else, but what I can gather it was the first one. I did cry and it did hurt me so much and I missed him more than ever. Then, I realized, with some help, that if he really loved me and really wanted to be with me he wouldn't be doing that to me. Not only has it killed any hope I had of us getting back together, it's hurt our chance of being friends.

One of my wise older coworkers told me today that it is so damaging to my own health if we were just trying to make each other jealous.

So I say to you, if you love her, tell her. Don't play a game because it could hurt your chances way worse than you think.

[talaniman]

Jomore, having read this whole post and your other ones, you so are in denial and refuse to listen to experienced people about how not to play games and to move on. Instead of pointing the finger at us being bitter, I hope you see that how you seem, very bitter. Its common after a break up to have these feelings, and your solution is to learn how to deal with them in a positive way that makes you better. No one here will give you a recipe to make someone jealous on a subtle level, because we know its not right to play games, even if they are unaware of it. Better to just move on, and work on being a better you. When you accept the relationship is over, moving on is the next step.

[talaniman]

See the links in my signature for some insights.

[talaniman]

What human has the skills to let things go?

Mature experienced humans, who have learned this skill.

[lhemilie202]

By doing so this could back fire she may get back with you but after she does she will feel like she can't trust you that maybe you don't really love her if you could be with someone else and could bring out a scary side that would end in not oly you to not being together but her hating and resenting you as well

[BMI]

Ways to make her jealous, that's easy stuff. Show up with a hotter girl (a friend) to a place you know she'll be at, don't hold hands or make it obvious though. Also, if you have msn or any computer messaging system (myspace, facebook) put up a pic with you and a girl, or write a message about how much your on cloud nine or a little somthin, somethin;)

HOWEVER, because I can give you ways to make her think, I must also protest you actually doing it. I've thought of it now and again, sticking it to them, I got all kinds of wonderful ideas at time I feel like putting into action. The reason I don't is because its just not right, if that does not bother you than the retaliation should. Its like a war, SHE WILL RETALIATE.

Here's the problem I see. YOU obviously like her 'cause you want a reaction out of her, otherwise you would not bother with the effort it takes. So here's what will happen, you post something or do the bump in with your hottie friend and she does care, so she shoots one back to you (pic with a guy, status update, OR WORSE) YOU LOSE cause you know yours is FAKE, hers may actually be real and she no longer will take your feelings into account. You like her so it WILL bother you, BIG TIME. We woudn't know how much it affected her really?

ALso, if she does not retaliate in kind, than maybe that indicates she could care less,hell that's worse than a retaliation, DOING NOTHING. If she does nothing you will wonder why not and it will eat at you.

So really what's there to gain? You can't win my man. Your hope is for her to see and jump back in, if you saw her with another guy would you be all lovey-dovey take me back please? B.S. you'd be pissed and want to upstage her, why do you think she'll be any different?

Sorry dude, it's a no go on all levels, abort the mission! I get where your at but just give it time and perhaps you'll gether back in ways you cannot imagine just yet!

Hope it helps.

[N0help4u]

The worst way to get her jealous would be with other girls. The only way to successfully get her 'jealous' would be to be successful at things you do, have a great irresistible personality and enjoy everything you do. But then that is no guarantee she would come running back to you but you would be enjoying your life.