[Why Am I Here]

I'm a young mother of a 3 year old beautiful girl. Here I am almost 4 years later trying to cope with everything that pregnancy and child rearing has brought upon me.

All I want is someone to relate to for things like:

- Sagging breast from breast feeding they also stayed huge, which to some people is a good, but I've always HATED big boobs.
- Horrific stretch marks which is extremely difficult to deal with because all of my friends that have had kids either do not have stretch marks or at least do not have them anywhere near as bad as I do.
- My hair used to be incredibly thick, healthy, and beautiful. Now it's a third as thick of what it used to be.
- My cycle every time it comes is extremely heavy to a point where I don't want to move because I feel like it's going to spill out on the floor. (I apologize for T.M.I.)

All I'm asking is for someone to message me and tell me that they feel the same way about themselves. These are those kinds of things that there isn't much to be done to change them unless I'm a millionaire. I can't make my stretch marks disappear with out perhaps laser surgery, I can't have my breast not be as saggy with out a boob lift because I already do chest exercises to pump them up as much as I can. Anyway you get the idea. My fellow mothers please speak out... let me know I'm not alone.

And if there's anyone out there who has had some type of successful remedy for any of these things that doesn't put a dent in the pocket please let me know. Anything helps. Thanks in advance.

[startover22]

I am right there with you, except the pay back from being a mother of four out ways all the above...
Sweet... nothing is going to change the marks we have from bearing children! Unless you have surgery but as you stated, you already knew that!
So making our bodies as healthy as we can from here on out is what counts! Hugs to you... and I bet you will realize, you shouldn't really care anyway!

[crystalbivens]

I once read in a poem somewhere that all the things about motherhood would change me inside and out.
I read in there that the stretch marks would become badges of honor and for me they did, I can't change the aftermath of becoming a mother but I have learned to accept that what God gave me by far out weighs the minor marks on the outside.

[Alty]

:o I'm with you on this. My breasts go up one cup size every pregnancy, I've had 3 pregnancies and 2 kids (one ended in miscarriage) I went from a B cup to a very droopy DD. There are times when I look in the mirror and wish I could have my old body back,but all I have to do is look at my 2 kids to know they're worth it. Here is a story (about someone I know) that might make you feel better. A year after my first child was born I joined a Gym to try and loose that last 10 pounds, while there I met an extremely obese women who came to the Gym religiously. A few weeks after I started, the Gym had a seminar that I attended, one of the speakers was the obese women I had seen. Her story began with her first pregnancy, she gained 100 pounds, after the child was born she managed to loose 40 pounds only to find out she was pregnant again. The second pregnancy put on another 100 pounds, this time the weight did not come off, not even an ounce. Her doctor discovered that her thyroid had stalled, she would never be able to loose the weight. She got very depressed and let everyone know why (including her children). When her oldest child was 6 years old he came to her room one day where she was crying to herself and asked her "mommy are you sorry you had us, because it's our fault you're fat?" That was a changing day in her life. She goes to the Gym knowing it won't change her body but does lift her spirits and she has come to grips with the fact that she will never again be thin but her kids are worth everything she has gone through. I hope this helps you as much as it helped me.

[Why Am I Here]

All of your answers were great. I guess I was almost expecting what most of you said about how you look at your children and think it's all worth it, which of course I do. My hardest obstacle to overcome is loving myself. I love my daughter with all my heart but I can never stand in front of the mirror and accept myself. I don't even want the father of my child to see me naked. He always tells me that he thinks my stretch marks are sexy. I'm almost repulsed by those words. I guess I just need to get over myself?

Thanks for the kind, caring words you had to say.

[startover22]

Oh sweet, believe him when he says it! I know you love your daughter with all your heart... what are you to say to her when she comes with this same question? I tell my daughter all the time I love what she has done to me! I really do. I know its tough to see, but look past it, look deeper!

[Leedee]

You poor thing!

I once felt like that, I had the saggy boobs, terrible strech marks, my cycle was all over the place. But every time I look at my 2 daughters it makes it all worth while!

It does take your body some time to get back to normal - I had a good 5 years of feeling exactly as you are. I had my children very young - 17 and 19.

My advice to you is don't beat yourself up - it will all settle down, the stretch marks will fade, your boobs will settle down and everything will be fine. Maybe not how it once was but better than it is now.

Just think of all those people that can't have kids and would kill for some stretch marks, saggy boobs just to hold a child of there own!

Hang in there its not so bad.

Take care

[oneguyinohio]

He always tells me that he thinks my stretch marks are sexy. I'm almost repulsed by those words.

Just wanted to chime in with a guys point of view... believe him when he says they are sexy... he sounds like a guy who knows what you went through and all to have the kids... I saw my ex's stretchmarks the same way, but she wouldn't believe me. She seemed to feel the same way about me seeing her stretch marks or her naked body... She unfortuneately decided that she wasn't happy with that image of herself, and didn't want to be only a wife and mom... so she decided to devorce me, and focus on becoming a professional business woman to bolster her ego... I was evidently ousted because she felt that I liked and would have wanted another child... and she wanted no part of it... to heck with anything I believed after that, I was just trying to change her mind and cause an argument... go figure... Anyway, I don't think guys lie about thinking stretch marks are sexy or not.

[Why Am I Here]

I love that you brought in a man's perspective on this oneguyinohio. It's almost refreshing to hear it from another man which makes it a little more believable when it comes from my guy. I do believe him when he says it for the most part and then on the other hand I'm thinking 'wow, are you serious, how could anyone like the way this looks!' But I have faith in him that he wouldn't tell me a lie.

I'm sorry to hear about your ex and the way she handled things. You seem to be very sincere and respecting. I try to be the best mom I can be. I don't let it get in the way of how I raise my child, it's mostly about what I see in the mirror now compared to what I see in pictures of my past. Don't get me wrong... even though I'm b*tching and moaning about what pregnancy does to a woman's body I would still love to have more children.

Leedee I love what you had to say. I really should pay more attention to things like that and be thankful that I could get pregnant, go full term and have a child. I also had my daughter at 17. Sometimes I think being a teen mom has a little more to do with me not being able to accept myself because I never really got a chance to grow up. It seems like as women age they become more accepting of themselves and I gave birth at a very vulnerable age when a lot is judged by superficial aspects of life and I tend to view things with those glasses on. I guess when I finally graduate and have a career I'll be able to look at what is more on the inside and not what shows on the outside.

I love all of your responses this forum is so great!

[Leedee]

You really sound like a great person - and it shows!!


Take care and best of luck!

[Emland]

Stretch marks are forever. I was a fat teenager, so I had mine before childbirth. They do fade over time. I've heard rubbing them with Vitamin E and/or mederma works, but the skin is damaged, not much really can be done.

Saggy boobs can be made better with good old fashioned push ups. It's not helping the boobs that much, but the pectorals underneath and gives the girls a bit of a lift.

I had my second child at 35 and I believe it threw me into peri-menapause early, so each period is a hormone roller coaster. I went back on the pill for a while after having her to help with the heavy periods, but discontinued because I didn't feel taking the hormones at my age now would be the best.

Have to talked to you GYN about your issues? He may have some ways to help.

[faye_arv]

I'm a young mother of a 3 year old beautiful girl. Here I am almost 4 years later trying to cope with everything that pregnancy and child rearing has brought upon me.

All I want is someone to relate to for things like:

- Sagging breast from breast feeding they also stayed huge, which to some people is a good, but I've always HATED big boobs.
- Horrific stretch marks which is extremely difficult to deal with because all of my friends that have had kids either do not have stretch marks or at least do not have them anywhere near as bad as I do.
- My hair used to be incredibly thick, healthy, and beautiful. Now it's a third as thick of what it used to be.
- My cycle everytime it comes is extremely heavy to a point where I don't want to move because I feel like it's going to spill out on the floor. (I apologize for T.M.I.)

All I'm asking is for someone to message me and tell me that they feel the same way about themselves. These are those kinds of things that there isn't much to be done to change them unless I'm a millionaire. I can't make my stretch marks disappear with out perhaps laser surgery, I can't have my breast not be as saggy with out a boob lift because I already do chest exercises to pump them up as much as I can. Anyway you get the idea. My fellow mothers please speak out...let me know I'm not alone.

And if there's anyone out there who has had some type of successful remedy for any of these things that doesn't put a dent in the pocket please let me know. Anything helps. Thanks in advance.

I understand how you feel but believe me nothing is worth making you feel bad about yourself. After breastfeeding for 18 months I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. It was part hereditary and part brought on by the hormone imbalance from pregnancy. I had a full mastectomy about 1 1/2 yrs. Ago and chemo etc. etc. and I didn't complain one bit. You know why, because every time I feel sad, or pain, or like complaining I think of my son born 2004. I still feel beautiful even without breasts (or a uterus for that matter)! I feel beautiful because I know what I went through and that strength is what makes me beautiful! You have your wonderful family, your beauty is in your child's eyes! Let your inner beauty come out and you will certainly glow!

[eternity_22]

Hi there

You asked if things ever get back to normal after you give birth... the truth is.. I don't know. I hope so. See, I'm in the same boat as you as far as dealing with immense insecurity about the body changes postpartum.

I was actually doing "research" on fading stretch marks, etc. and came across your post. YOU have made me feel less alone. I recently gave birth to my daughter on Oct. 11th 2007. I have been left with stretch marks all across my butt, my upper thighs/ back of thighs, calf, breasts... my breasts are now puckered and saggy feeling and I can feel the indentation of the stretch marks. It is a true nightmare to look in the mirror. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in my own body. I wonder how I will ever be able to get naked in front of my husband again. The truth is, I have been so humiliated about these changes in my body that I have not shown my husband the extent of everything...

I know I must sound so vain... I have so much to be thankful for.. and I think.. if I had the chance to change things... to have my daughter again.. knowing in advance that my body would change like this.. would I have done again. And the answer is absolutely. That is the only thing that gets me by. My body is just a shell of who I really am.

I hope you gain confidence in your beauty as a woman and mother.. you should check out this site.. www. Theshapeofamother.com

This has made so many women in our position feel so less alone. You get to see real photos of postpartum women who share their feelings, etc.


Take care!