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marcus83 · Aug 20, 2007, 11:57 AM

From the first minute I "broke up with her" and then apologized three hours later, wanting her back. The long distance WAS hard! I didn't trust her for some reason, but I still love her, and as I said from day one since she said she wanted space, In the beginning, I called her 10 times a day telling her I love her and I was wrong, she didn't answer. Now 6 months later, I still have breakdowns and say sorry and pour my heart out to her, Now she says things like "we dont know what love is" and we are "incompatible",

I talked to her two weeks ago & tried to remind her all the great times we had and vacations I took her on... like a pathetic baby, and she says, "yeah...we had fun, you showed me some great things other guys havent shown me but since we broke up, theres been a couple people that has shown me different things, and thats what I want" YET SHE'S STILL SINGLE!! I could only imagine what these guys "showed" her... its sick of her to know how deeply I still care and tell me things like that... Egosentric

J_9 · Aug 20, 2007, 12:00 PM

Marcus, I thought you were moving on. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ou-120870.html

What happened?

marcus83 · Aug 20, 2007, 12:03 PM

I am moving on, haven't called her or anything, just weird questions still looming in my head,. I haven't called her, no contact!

Eileen2005 · Aug 20, 2007, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by marcus83

I am moving on, havent called her or anything, just wierd questions still looming in my head,...I havent called her, no contact!

Hi Marcus,

I do not know how long you two have been together, but I agree that having a long distance relationship is difficult. I mean I think it is normal not to trust or break up when it is a long distance relationship. I suppose she has got hurt when you broke up with her and she still wants to take the revenge. She is probably a very proud person. For some people love ends when their pride is broken. Regret is useless. Look at it like an experience. If you really love her, which I am not sure because you called her many things, let her go. You do not need to hate her to get over this. If you want to become free of this pain, you should forgive her. That is my motto, forgive to get free and get free to gain love again. Do not blame yourself for what is passed and do not try to fix it or do not try to prove yourself right. Whatever you did for her, you did because you loved her and it counts believe me. Someday, you will see that whatever good thing you have done will return to you. You should not regret anything and should not think that much. If these questions come to your mind, just tell yourself, STOP and tell yourself, I forgive her and want the best for her because I love her and I am sure I will find love again. Time will heal everything. By the way, if you have problem trusting the opposite sex, or if you think your relationship was codependent you might also need professional help with that because it might affect your future relationships. I know you are having a very hard time now. I know it hurts when someone you love, does not love you back. But see the truth, she does not love you back and she is not responsible for your feelings. YOU are responsible for your feelings. You can choose to get hurt and waste your time thinking what happened OR choose to look at this as an experience and let it go and move on. Who knows maybe she gets back to you one day, and if not there will be another woman who appreciates you.

GlindaofOz · Aug 20, 2007, 12:53 PM

This is why we say to not stay friends with exes. When people are friends they talk about those kinds of things with each other.

What you fail to grasp is that she does not care about how you feel. At all. Not one bit. You yourself have even wondered if she ever really cared about you to begin with.

She is over the relationship. You are still desperately clinging to it. In all honesty if an ex was still talking to me after a break up I would presume that there feelings were subsiding and that they were doing what I was doing you know dating other people. Again 6 months Marcus. SIX MONTHS. You have spent so much time obsessing over this woman that I really believe you need to go and talk to a mental health professional.

marcus83 · Aug 20, 2007, 01:00 PM

For the first time in my life, now that Ive really made the decision to move on, no contact, I actually do have an appointment with a shrink this afternoon, I never thought I would ever have to see a shrink about anything in my life, Ive been through family deaths that haven't effected me like this... I wake up, I think about her, I eat lunch, I think about her, I try to work, I think about her, Im anxious all day, mean to people, its like I was addicted to her like herioin and its been 6 months of withdrawals. I need to cut the line, it looks like a shrink is going to have to help me, Im disgusted with myself that I couldn't just do it on my own.

GlindaofOz · Aug 20, 2007, 01:03 PM

There is nothing wrong with needing help. Sometimes we cannot handle everything in our lives and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that you are sinking and need a life preserver. I'm glad that you are going to go talk to a professional. The point you are at right now is not good or healthy for you.

marcus83 · Aug 20, 2007, 01:05 PM

Thanks glinda, you're advice and support is very nice.

GlindaofOz · Aug 20, 2007, 01:07 PM

No problem.

There is no shame in getting help. You should be proud of yourself. I think you'll also be surprised at how well it can help.

My best friend had a really hard time after a break up and she started to see a therapist and I'd say within a few weeks she was feeling entirely different. She just said it was great to talk to someone about the situation who was an entirely independent third party. He made her really think about her actions. I wish you luck with it.