[jennie99]

Over the course of the year that we've been dating, I've noticed that my boyfriend doesn't say "please" with me (ever), or ask me to get/do things for him. He just tells me to. For instance, instead of saying "Can you get me a glass of water?" he'll say "Get me a glass of water."

I know this probably sounds petty, but when it's added to lots of other little things it really ends up irritating the heck out of me. (When he showers or changes at my house, he just throws his wet towels and dirty clothes around so that I'm left having to pick them up. When we eat dinner he'll leave all the dishes on the table and walk away, leaving everything for me to clean up. Things like that.)

I've tried talking to him about this, because I think it shows a basic disrespect for me, but he thinks I'm overreacting. In a lot of other ways he's wonderful (and not so wonderful in a bunch of others - but we're all human and that's to be expected). Because he's from northern India and I'm from the US, I question if he's really disrespecting me/taking me for granted, or if his is just some cultural difference that's not such a big deal.

Any input? Thanks.

[AngelEyes2885]

Ok, well let me start by saying I grew up with a step-father from another country. Though it may just be the 'culture' he has to realize that you are not his maid! I don't think you are overreacting at all, if you continue to pick up after him and do things when he tells you.. well he is going to think it is OK and it will never change. We are american girls and we are different from people in other countries, we want the same amount of respect that the men in our lives demand. I would talk to him again and if he doesn't listen to you or just brushes you off.. try to turn it around.. tell him to go and get you a drink and see how he reacts to it.. I am sure he will not like it much and you can turn the tables on him so he can see your point of view.

I wouldn't stick around if he doesn't want to change either.. TRUST me when I say things will just get worse and worse... so if he doesn't want to change then buh bye!!

[talaniman]

He is who he is, and will be as long as your willing to put up with it. If you think its disrespectful it is, so don't let him brush your concerns aside like he is entitled. No excuse for bad behavior, and it doesn't matter where he is from. No you are not overeacting.

[jaime90]

I wouldn't call this disrespect as much as just plain lazieness! My fiancé lives with me, this is how he would normally ask me for a favor: "get my energy drink," "where's my can of dip, get me my dip," "fill up my waterbottle, all the way." I do it for him, not necessarily because I want to, but because I do love him. He does change and shower and throw his stuff everywhere, which I usually pick up and organize (even though I'm even sloppier with MY OWN stuff.) The difference is, he has done so much for me as well, he is in the military and has flown up from N.Carolina, just to see me for 3 days, he has driven 2 hours every weekend to come see me, I think that my favors are much apprieciated. And it really doesn't bother me, there are bigger and better things to worry about- him saying "please" and "thank you" is really not worth arguing about, or dumping him over, but that's just my opinion.

[JBeaucaire]

Year old question... watch those dates, people!