[Miszulaki]

Hey ,

Please help


My boyfriend is thinking of breaking up with me! He said that he is unhappy with me, he feel controlled and he said he always has to think about that he will do. He says that even though I don't like the restaurant business, he want a woman who is going to back him up and be behind him!

He also said he likes money so if he has to work in the restaurant business all his life then this is it!

My response: Im not a controlling person, I feel like he made me like this because he is the controlling one! Im free spirit believing in freedom and for god sake I studied human relation I mean I know what I'm talking about! And he disagree with me! I don't like the restaurant business because I won't see him at all! I know what's a healthy relationship! And working all the time doesn't give you the opportunity to have one because your work always come first. Where do you want to make you girlfriend/wife happy? 1 hour during the week? You want to put everything on her sholders? Raising kids, cook, clean etc?? I want to spend my day off with the person I love and cherish every moment! This is a déjà vu for me! My ex boyfriend did exactly the same, he put his work before me and 2 year after still tells me he lost the best thing he ever had and took me for granted instead of having a great relationship! And now took another perception of life but I couldn't go back with him!

My boyfriend: He said I have too much issues and he doesn't want to feel sorry for me. He says I'm putting him away from his family. Lately his calls are slowly diminishing, we speak maybe twice a day instead of 10-20 times. I check on the internet the signs of breaking up and some of his behavior are there. I feel like I'm always calling lately, He doesn't share the stuff his share with his sister.

My response: Yes I have issues but I'm trying not to put him in it! I try telling as less as possible. But he know when I don't feel good, and ask him to tell him... When I don't he gets very angry! So I really don't know what to say!


Now even though we sign a contract for 2 baptism he said it doesn't make him happy. He goes I'm the only happy one in this! But I mean we both get what we want. Orthodoxe and Catholique.


He said we are coming from 2 different back grounds and it's causing too much problems!

I really feel like he is staying with me just for the sake of it!

I feel like braking up myself at this point! But really don't have the gutts of doing it because I know he won't run back to me!



I don't know if I feel like this because he is playing with my mind or this is just the way it should be!



Thank you for reading and your help!

[heat515]

I know sort of how you are feeling. I just broke up with a guy who was doing some of the same things to me. He told me that he didn't know what he wanted in life and whether I was going to be in his future, so he wanted me to wait. He told me I had issues, and that I wasn't understanding. He made me cry everyday, so I ended it. Yeah, it hurts but now he knows what life is like without me.

I say that you should break it off at this point. I know it might be hard, and that you probably love him, but you don't need to take his threats. It seems that is ready to get out of the relationship, but doesn't know how. Break it off yourself and see how he reacts. Maybe, he'll realize he hates being a part or maybe you'll realized he isn't the one for you.

Good Luck!

[Miszulaki]

Thank you for your reply
I actually called him to schedule an appointment with him on Thursday.
I mean I love him with all my heart and this is why I think he is treating me this way!
Cuz he knows he has me in his pocket!
I previously broke up with him... And the mistake I did, was to run back to him!
Now if I do take the decision of breaking up it's going to be final!
I mean I gave him every part of my heart!
I know he will miss me but probably won't show it!
To a better life!
Thank you again

[wackymb]

I wanted to say that just because he is in the restaurant business doesn't mean that you won't see him. My sister is with a guy that is the top manager and they still have time to do things. She's never complained about him working too much. It kind of sounds to me that you are thinking of yourself and not him. Maybe you were the one and he just wanted to make sure that you and your family will not do without. I know that money isn't everything but, it helps. But, you make your own decision. If your not happy, then get out. No need for the both of you to be sad and lonely.

[heat515]

No problem! Let me know how it works out. And I think you need to be selfish sometimes because if you're not happy than he won't be either.

Good Luck!

[Miszulaki]

I wanted to say that just because he is in the restuarant business doesn't mean that you won't see him. My sister is with a guy that is the top manager and they still have time to do things. She's never complained about him working to much. It kinda sounds to me that you are thinking of yourself and not him. Maybe you were the one and he just wanted to make sure that you and your family will not do without. I know that money isn't everything but, it helps. But, you make your own decision. If your not happy, then get out. No need for the both of you to be sad and lonely.

I forgot to mention, that he is the owner of the retaurant and it's a supper club. So 7 on 7 from 11 am till 3-4 am Thursday to Sunday and 11 till 1-2 am the rest of the week. So obviously we cannot see each other because I have a corporate job which is 9-5...

Also there's other issues, His sister is actually acting like his sister/mother/and girlfriend! And I am sick of it!
They say everything will change when I move out with him but now it's a gamble towards my part...

Yesterday I met him and told him everything and told him I'm ready to live!
Now we wants to talk more to see if we can make it work!
I know he loves me and want to be with me but my wish are different! I need and want a man next to me! And Who is there to built a relationship and family!

I know the restaurant business is temperally! However he's greek and I am East european so we do have different view, values, backgroung, religion, etc.

[heat515]

I am glad you are thinking of your happiness. Maybe what you should do is make a list of all the good things and bads things about him and your relationship. Look at the bad things and see if those are things you can make work. Remember, relationships are not perfect but you should be happy.

[JoeCanada76]

Do not do anything. Your not happy, he is not happy. He owns a restaurant and enjoys that type of work. He needs to continue with that. I think letting go of this now you will be better off. To tell somebody that they should not continue in a career that they love, is not right. Also there is such a thing as balancing responsibilities and sharing the work load so he could spend more time with you, but being supportive is important.

Good luck

[momincali]

Unfortunately, love isn't always enough. Your boyfriend seems to know what he wants in life, what's important to him and he seems to have chosen his restaurant and the money that it will make him. He needs a woman who doesn't care how much time she spends with him, doesn't care how late he works and won't say anything negative to him or complain, just someone who will keep quiet and listen to him, he needs a mannequin. You need someone who puts you first, who respects you, who is willing to spend the time and energy to make the relationship work so that you are both happy.

I think it's time you move on. He's not going to change. He is who he is. And that's okay. One day, maybe, he will kick himself when he finds himself lonely surrounded by his money cause money doesn't buy happiness, he'll realize that some day.

[Miszulaki]

He doesn't like the restaurant business but it's the only thing he ever did! He is sick of it... He tells me but he need to put something to eat on the table and that's his income! That's why I'm not complaining about his job! Im just saying that it's not what I had in mind as a relationship! It's simple... I don't want to hurt him but we both need to be happy!

I love him yes but it's not everything!

He has another project in mind which will succeed, I have no doubt and we'll have a quality life... Yet like a said previously I have other issues! Like the sister and he told me that he is not letting go of her and I have to deal with it! So here it goes!

He takes all decision with her, ( as for his and mine relationship, all his financials, his life, etc.) I feel like I'm a friend who he has sexual relation and she is the girlfriend... Marriage had been discusted but now I don't want it anymore!

Anyhow it's a hard and unpleasant moment in life but a decision has to be made! :(

[wackymb]

He doesnt like the restaurant business but it's the only thing he ever did! He is sick of it... He tells me but he need to put something to eat on the table and that's his income! That's why im not complaining about his job! Im just saying that it's not what i had in mind as a relationship! It's simple... I dont want to hurt him but we both need to be happy!

I love him yes but it's not everything!

He has another project in mind which will succeed, i have no doubt and we'll have a quality life... Yet like a said previously i have other issues! Like the sister and he told me that he is not letting go of her and i have to deal with it! So here it goes!

He takes all decision with her, ( as for his and mine relationship, all his financials, his life, ect.) I feel like im a friend who he has sexual relation and she is the girlfriend... Marriage had been discusted but now i dont want it anymore!

anyhow it's a hard and unpleasant moment in life but a decision has to be made! :(

K, now I understand. Those hours are hard to work around. But, he is wanting out right? How long do you think it will take him to get that other thing going? And I know about the sister thing except in my case it's a brother-in-law. He gets whatever he wants and can come live with us and I can't say anything. They will pick family over others. Don't ask him to pick. She will eventually move on with her life. They can't stick around forever. That's what I keep telling myself. Did you say that he was the owner of the business? If so, then why does he have to be there all that time anyway? Owners don't have to stay all day. Maybe he just likes to. If you really believe that he is going to get out of that business then I would try to hang in there a little longer. But, you really need to do what is in your heart. Did you tell him how you really feel about everything, including the sister thing? Maybe it's not that he works all those hours but, maybe you don't like the idea of him running a supper club and that he does everything his sister says. Maybe you don't trust him for some reason. I don't know him but, I think you need to do what is in your heart. I am also having to decide if my 5 years marriage is a waist and need to leave. I know that my husband loves me but, he really don't show it or say it. He is different. He's not an emotional guy and hates talking about our relationship. He'd rather break up than talk about it. So, I'm kind of in the same boat as you but, it will be harder for me to leave considering that I love him and have a 4 year old son with him. Sorry, It's obivious that I need someone to talk to. But, this is your problem here and I need to stop talking about myself. Hope everything will be o.k. I feel how hurt you are. Sorry about my last post.

[Miszulaki]

Thank you so much for your help!

Im finally single! I just broke up with him! I couldn't handle it anymore! I love him deeply but in the long run I wasn't the priority! And even when I left him he blamed me!
Im strong enough to say I had my bads but it wasn't only me! I didn't want him to pick nor I wanted to make him unhappy! I just wanted to have a healthy relationship! Which we didn't have at the end!

Somehow I feel released! I know ill miss him and probably will write about it on this website but with time... ill be happier!

As for you... tonight is not the good night to write but I will definetely tell you my thoughts about it!

Thank you again!

[wackymb]

Thank you so much for your help!

Im finally single! I just broke up with him! I couldnt handle it anymore! I love him deeply but in the long run i wasnt the priority! And even when i left him he blamed me!
Im strong enough to say i had my bads but it wasnt only me! I didnt want him to pick nor i wanted to make him unhappy! I just wanted to have a healthy relationship! which we didnt have at the end!

Somehow i feel released! I know ill miss him and probably will write about it on this website but with time... ill be happier!

As for you... tonight is not the good night to write but i will definetely tell you my thoughts about it!

Thank you again!

Sure you can write me if you'd like. I have a lot of stuff that I need to get off my chest and see what other people think. I have some questions already posted. But, if your willing to listen I will be glad to write you and tell you my problems. Just let me know when your ready.

Sorry to hear that it came down to that. But, you did what made you happy. And it will take time to get over him but, it will happen and you will find someone that is right for you. I can't believe that he blamed you. That just tells me that he really didn't care about you leaving. I wish you luck for in the furture.

[Homegirl 50]

You two have different values, different faiths and different ideas about what relationships should be. These are indicators that this relationship will always be in conflict.
You're not happy, neither is he. There is really no reason to prolong this unhappiness. Love is not always enough to make two wrongs right.