[Need_Guidance]

Hello I got the dreaded phone call she said gave the details of name date and weight and that she wanted $500.00 a month. She is the woman my husband met and had a one night stand with while he was deployed. From his and her story it happened once and protection was used. My husband was honest from the beginning and our relationship was on the rocks. About 6 months age she called and said she was pregnant and he was the father. She said she took all options into consideration but decided to have the baby because the doctor said this may be her last chance to have a child due to something being wrong with her?? She said she want to make sure the baby was taken care of but does not want him in the baby's life. She is on the east coast and we are on the west. We live check to check and we are scared to talk to her about long term goals. I am trying to be strong but I am truly feeling helpless. Please if someone knows or has incite Please Please Pleas advise!

[Illusion]

Well, your husband needs to request a paternity test to determine if the baby really is his child. Until such a determination is made, I would not agree to making any payments to her. The Mother does have the option of taking your husband to Court to request that he provide financial aid for the child. If a Court hearing is set then at that time your husband could make the request for the paternity test to be done.

If your husband is the Father of the child, then the Court would, most likely, order that your husband provide financial support for the child.

If your husband is the Father then I would hope he would want to have contact with the child - for the child's sake. The Mother cannot request financial help for the child and then decide that the child shall have nothing to do with your husband. In this situation, it might even be best that the Court handle it since there could be money involved.

However, I understand that you as his wife are in a very difficult situation. Your husband has been unfaithful and I'm sure that you have a lot of feelings for what has happened. It is not just about the money, but whether you can really trust your husband in the future. I am sure that there is anger especially since you are not doing well financially.

Then there is the issue of the child. If your husband is the Father then will he visit the child? Will visits be arranged? How will you handle meeting and /or seeing this child?

I would really encourage you to go to therapy with your husband if you plan to stay together. If your marriage was in trouble before you knew about this situation then this is really going to test your commitment to one another. It can be done but you especially need to sort out your feelings. Already it sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed.

In any case, the first step is to find out who is the Father of the child.

[moomin007]

I agree with Illusion,

Don't do ANYTHING until paternity is settled!
Once that has been settled then you will have some tough choices to make.
I think counselling is a good idea too. There are some issues to be settled whether the child is his or not.

I wish you all well.
God bless
Moomin

[LadyB]

She doesn't get to set the child support amount, that's done by the courts through a very specific state formula based on both parents income! My ex-sister in law pays less than 200.00 a month.

If she calls again, tell her she needs to go through the proper channels and hang up. Until you get notice of court proceedings you may be worrying over empty threats.

I would, however, check out and consult with some attorneys now to retain if needed later.

[Fr_Chuck]

YOu have gotten some great advice.

1. require a DNA test, it is possible that 4 or 5 guys got that same phone call. I was surprised to find out many women do that, hoping to get so much a month from many men.

2. if it is his, have him get visitation rights to the child,

3. have the child support paid though the court, they set the proper amount based on the state rules. Pay to the court so there is a record of payments

[Need_Guidance]

Thank you all for the advise it has all been helpful and I really appreciate it! I will post again when after talking with someone who know the laws and a paternity test can be done.