[ashleyc1802]

I have been w/ my boyfriend for 4 years and we have two children together. I used to be the type that was not jealous, fun, outgoing confident... all the good qualities you want in a woman. Well after I got pregnant the second time, everything started going downhill... I was getting jealous over EVERYTHING and couldn't control it, to the point where I either start ing at him about it or just ball my eyes out. Neither does any good. He turns on a TV show w/ women in it, I think he's watching it just for them because in my head I'm thinking, why else would he be watching this? For beat off material for later? What is wrong w/ me and how can I help myself.. I know boosting self esteem helps but I can't even do that... im on depression meds because I suffered from postpartum pretty bad. It also doesn't help that he thinks he's the most beautiful person on earth and can do anything. He's got such confidence, I envy him. I don't know what to do! HELP. I know I have to do it, I just don't know HOW to do it.:mad:

[complicatedlife]

Just try to do your best to look nice every day, but do it for yourself so you feel better and confident. Try to hide that jelausy because it creates more arguments between you and him, just act normal even if you're getting mad...

[Nestorian]

First off just from how you wrote this, I can tell that you are super adorable, and any guy who turns down an adorable gal is just dumb. So take that to the bank and cash it, cha-ching! ;)

You've bin together for 4 years and have two children, so you have postpartum. Let me tell you sister, your emotions are all over and that's not easy to deal with.

There are ways to cope with it other than relying on just meds, do not stop taking them, but look into any kind of groups that may help support in that area. Also, the internet is a good resourse. Even here in fact ask about postpartum, and see who can give you advice, I will look in my med books for you.

As for your jelousy. Hummmmm?? I see why you are feeling the way you feel, but why are you thinking it?

"i think he's watching it just for them because in my head im thinking, why else would he be watching this? For beat off material for later?"

I know it seems inpossible, but beaware of your thoughts, they are what alow us to control our feelings, and how we act.
"Everything is based on mind, is lead by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a polluted mind, suffering will follow you. As the wheels of the Ox cart follow the foot steps of the Ox. Everything is based on mind, is lead by mind, is fashioned by mind. If you speak and act with a pure mind, happiness will follow you, as a shadow clings to a form."
To think possitive is to feel possitive, is to be positive. Same for negative, to think negative is to feel negative, is to be negative. I am just learning this, and I've had really bad Bipolar for 10 years, my life seemed to just suck. But I'm learning through my thoughts, and meds, I can change that. Also, does your man do anything to make you think he is losing interest? Maybe dress up super sexy, Meow,? Sorry, yeah, get some sexy poses on and suduce him. Eh? ;) Shhhh, keep it on the D.L. And remember, if you remember you ARE sexy, you feel sexy, and then you will be sex.

I sense you are maybe up set because he is beating off rather than paying attention to you? If so, let him know how you feel, because he could be having issues, I used to. I didn't like to talk about it and well things got lame. Any who, let me know so I can look up any psychological, or medical info for you. But if you don't want to, no worries.



"What is wrong w/ me and how can i help myself..i know boosting self esteem helps but i can't even do that..."
Try not to think of it as something wrong with you, but just something telling you that something needs to change. So how can you adapt to cope better? First, talk to your man, let him know what's up. Counseling, they do not fix it for you, you have to do that yourself, it is your life and you can do it. Read about your postpartum. The rest is up to you to figure out.

Remember, you are a beautiful, sexy, smart, and wonderful women. Oh and adorable.;) take care.

[retsoksirhc]

Personally, I usually feel jealous more after something happens that makes me feel less secure about myself. You also mention his self confidence in your question. Could it be that your jealousy is based out of insecurity? It happens to me all the time. Pregnancy is a big change, and it can really take it's toll on you mentally.

I would say, maybe you need some 'YOU' time. Ask him to take care of the baby for a day, and do what makes you happy! And be honest with him, that usually makes people feel better. If you're not feeling like he is paying attention to you, just calmly talk about it. Communication is the key to keeping a great relationship.

Hope that helps :)

[Be_Strong]

Hun I can related to your post... I am in this same situation and I get so jealous.. I sooo badly want to change this and my boyfriend tell me this is what's going to ruin our relationship... I am scared and think of the worst and I question him...

[JBeaucaire]

Here's an old treatise I wrote on jealousy last year, might be worth reading:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1182514

Meanwhile, your story is understandable, it's common, and it's totally avoidable. He may be doing things to exacerbate the situation, things worth being jealous OF. But it still doesn't help.

Kids or not, you two are still just dating. Technically, you haven't committed "til death do us part"... which is a technicality you can't escape. It's feeding your jealousy, too, because you KNOW it's still up in the air... whether you two will be permanent or not.

This kind of stress makes jealousy a natural reaction. It doesn't HELP, but it's natural.

It's only his job to boost your self-esteem if he's accepted the job. You can never lay that at someone else's feet. Never. It's a "Volunteer" job only. Your self-esteem is YOUR responsibility. You need to find the things you're good at and do them. Identify the things you're not good at and accept them.

Having sex and making babies and playing house doesn't equal "unconditional love". Not even close. But we wish it did and start jealously demanding those behaviors... spiral into despair, that's what this leads to.

Most people stop just short of real "unconditional love". They find themselves with a kind of love that wants FROM the other person, it's a taking/requiring/demanding/jealous love that sucks energy from the relationship.

Real "unconditional love" is a giving/unneedy/unclingy/sacrificial/selfless love that gives energy to the one being loved. It allows you to let the person be who they are without affecting (much) your love and commitment to them.

It's hard stuff.

And "true love" between two people is rarest of all because it's unconditional in both directions. Very rare. Most relationships have one giver and one taker... sometimes a real harsh onesidedness. But, it is what it is.

Jealousy can be playful and fun with people who are comfortable with themselves, otherwise... pain, pain, pain. Only you can decide where you are in that.

[talaniman]

You need a lot more time to let the hormones get back to normal, so tell him your still recovery from child birth, and to forgive your wacky behavior sometimes. Then try at least to control yourself a bit.

How old is the youngest?