[Alexpuppy123]

My family just experienced a death. Their mother just died out of no warning. They won't be very respectful to me sometimes, and I am wondering how they are feeling. My daughter, is 12 and this is the time she needed a mother the most. I have my two sons who loved her and still do. I don't know what to do I'm confused. I do not really have control anymore and things are getting out of hand. Everything is going crazy. PLEASE HELP ME!

[startover22]

I am so sorry for your loss. Time will help with the healing, really it will!
I am assuming you are the father to these children? Assuming that, in my opinion, things need to be as they were, rules, chores, and homework. Was it all taken care of by her or I guess my question is why they don't respect you? I think a little info would help us help you better. With patience, love and understanding and maybe even setting some rules and try to get back to the responsibilities.
With all that being said, I hope you can get them in to talk to a school authority, or maybe even a therapist... I know my kids would need it if this happened to them!
Good luck and lots of hugs, we are here to help if you need!

[tickle]

Alexpuppy, I am sorry for your loss and your confusion. Is there another family member close by, a grandmother, aunt, who can step in and take the children in hand for a while so you can get your thoughts together and they can have a change of scenery other then the home they shared with their mom.

You have to step back, get away to sort things out so you will know how to handle the children in the future.

Have you considered grief counselling for you and the kids ? I strongly suggest that you take that route.

Many hugs

tickle

[Alexpuppy123]

This is kind of a reply to startover22. Its not that my children won't respect me, its just that I don't really have a lot of control. She did all the dicipline and all that. So they get annoyed at me when I metion it. They don't like to talk about it. I tried a therepist, they said they hated it and was a waste of time. My daughter is a twin with her brother. But my other son is 15 and is very troublesom. He's violent, getting tattoos, hitting the twins, cursing walking out, screaming, yelling. Its horrible. Yes, their aunt (my sis) lives very close and MY mother lives across the street. They are a big help. But everything is still going crazy. My older son is not doing any kind of drugs though. That is good. Thank you for understanding.

[startover22]

Alex, sounds to me that it is high time for the dicipline and security that they haven't gotten in the past. You said she handled it all, now it is on you to handle it. Do you have a set way of doing things? Chores, homework... all of that kind of stuff. Sit them down at the table and tell them first you love them, you loved their mother, but this is the time we all need to come together, tell them you are going to make changes with yourself to help, but they need to compromise and listen to what you have to say. Write a few things down that you are having troubles with, explain why it is important gfor the change... Tell them it is going to take ALL of you to make things work. Something like out of a movie, "she is counting on us to stay together and be happy" Give them each something to do and be proud of. Give a lot of praise when good is done, see how that works. And sometimes as parents even through the hardest times, we have to be really strong, and not let our kids do what ever they want. They are too old for time outs, they aren't too old to have the cell phones taken, or their video games, their rooms can be completely cleaned out if necessary to get this thing rolling. They need a direction to go in, you are there to give it too them, kindly but sternly! I hope this helps and it really is too bad that they won't see anyone, they could have been a big help! Hugs and good luck, this is your time to shine, theirs as well, for their mothers angel eyes to see!