[DSM521]

My wife had our first daughter almost 9 years ago. After her birth my wife has lost her sex drive. She still has not got it back. We talk about it but it is very hard for me. It feels like I am living with a roommate not my wife. We have a good relationship but will it ever come back. She has thyroid problems that we think are effecting her drive. She is in treatment for that and as soon as that is under control then she will see a doctor about having no sex drive.

I am looking for advise from women that have or are still suffering from this problem

Or from men that have gone through this as well

How do I get through the this.

[Synnen]

MOST women lose their sex drive after giving birth.

It's VERY hard to switch from "mommy" to "sex goddess"--and most new mothers don't have the energy to try. Then if it's not addressed, it becomes habit.

A thyroid problem can certainly drop sex drive as well.

Seeing her doctor for decreased sex drive is probably the best thing she can do.

[Choux]

Royalty and rich people don't lose their sex drive for nine years after childbirth. They have servants to do all the dirty work. Hence, lots of free time for sex...

I would say see a sex therapist asap together... get all the problems out on the table and talk reasonably about them. Usually, a woman is harboring resentments against her husband and punishing him for not living up to her fantasies about married life.

[trans-gender]

Yes I lost my sex drive during and after child birth even though it is only 2 months since I gave birth I just can't seem to find the voom voom to get me in the mood or to start for that matter. Yes thyroid problems can contribute to lower or no sex drive but it is very hard to go from mum to sexy the best thing is to go and see the doc and see what they say.

[artlady]

I have thyroid disease and I can assure you that it does cause changes in your libido.

If you think of your body as a ship,consider your thyroid as the captain.It affects you on nearly every level.

[Alty]

I too have a thyroid condition and my sex drive fluctuates. There are times when I can't get enough and other times that I don't want anyone anywhere near me, it all depends on the dose of medication, because my thyroid also fluctuates.

I also have 2 kids and yes, I did lose my sex drive after having them, it took a while to get back to any kind of normal.

This isn't a problem without a solution, time to see a doctor and maybe a therapist.

The most important thing is that you let your wife know that you don't blame her. This is a common problem, just saying, fix it, won't work.

Patience is a virtue, and you're going to need lots of it. Together you can get through this, you just need to find what works.

Good luck.

[DSM521]

I too have a thyroid condition and my sex drive fluctuates. There are times when I can't get enough and other times that I don't want anyone anywhere near me, it all depends on the dose of medication, because my thyroid also fluctuates.

I also have 2 kids and yes, I did lose my sex drive after having them, it took a while to get back to any kind of normal.

This isn't a problem without a solution, time to see a doctor and maybe a therapist.

The most important thing is that you let your wife know that you don't blame her. This is a common problem, just saying, fix it, won't work.

Patience is a virtue, and you're going to need lots of it. Together you can get through this, you just need to find what works.

Good luck.

We talk about it, and she knows I don't blame her. There were times early on when I did not know she lost her drive that were very rough. We finally started to talk about it and I have been understanding from that point on. I have been very patient with her, it has been 9 years. She has asked her doctor about it and the doctor said she can't be pregnant or nursing. The doctor said once she gets finished with baby's and nursing come back.

Well we have for children. I know it sounds strange that someone with no sex drive can have for kids. The most we ever have sex is 3 to 4 times a month. There have been stretches in between kids that she did not go back to see the doctor about her drive when she could have. I think she is embarrassed. Like you said I need to be understanding, so I have never pushed her to go.

Now we are done with having kids and I have had a vasectomy. Our youngest is 2, she was feeling strange went to the doctor and that is when they found her thyroid is hyperactive. Her thyroid problem developed into Graves disease so she had to take the radioactive iodine pill to kill her thyroid. She has to wait tell her levels goes all the way down before they can put her on medication to replace the thyroid hormone.

Should she wait tell she gets all the thyroid stuff worked out tell she sees her doctor about her sex drive. Or is this something they can do at the same time.

[Alty]

There's no harm in telling the doctor about her sex drive now. If she needs to wait until everything else is settled he/she will let you know.

It might not be bad to start therapy right now, for both of you. Nine years is a long time, it would be good if both of you had someone to talk to about all of this.

I wish I had more to offer, but I do wish you luck and we're here if you need to talk.

[artlady]

As I said in my previous post,thyroid disease does cause changes in your libido.I refer you you to this article to substantiate my thesis.Thyroid Disease and Diminished Libido

There are many concerning symptoms that can occur with thyroid disease but one of the more concerning ones is loss of libido or a decreased sex drive. One reason this particular symptom can be so concerning is because of the possible strain it can put on the marriage of a thyroid patient. I know this concern to be a very real one because I have corresponded with both male and female patients with this problem and concern on thyroid forums, repeatedly over the past several years. It is such a great concern to some of them, that it causes them increased depression symptoms as well.

Patients with more of a problem with loss of libido are those with hypothyroidism. Those with hyperthyroidism can also experience this symptom but they can also experience episodes of increased sex drive, due to the sped up metabolism hyperthyroidism can cause. With hypothyroidism, the metabolism is slowed down, which means the reproductive organs are slowed down as well. The adrenal glands that produce hormones that convert into the sex hormones are also slowed down and both men and women can see decreased testosterone and estrogen levels. Both sexes have both of these sex hormones but in different balance for each.

The good news is that when thyroid hormone imbalances of either type are corrected, the result is a normalizing of all bodily functions, including the sex drive. Many thyroid patients report that they regain a certain degree of their libido back although many, report that it is not back to 100%, as it was before thyroid disease. To regain a significant percentage however is far better than to remain in an almost void state of libido.

There are also prescription drugs that can help men in this area and the reason this is slightly more of a need for men, is because they rely upon a bodily function that if not operating properly, prevents intimacy with their partner from taking place. This fact is also the reason lack of libido can seriously affect some men psychologically because they feel lack of ability to perform sexually, brings into question, their masculinity and ability to satisfy their partner. This then leads them to worry about their marriage in general. Certainly this is also a concern to women who also have problems with being responsive to their husbands, due to decreased libido. In addition to drugs that can help, there are also hormone therapies that can be administered by a treating Doctor, if the sex hormones are found to be low and in need of additional hormone therapies to correct them.

Thyroid hormone therapy must sometimes be given several months time to help in areas such as libido because it can take this much time to see all bodily organs regain a significant degree of their pre-disease functions. If libido is not adequately restored with thyroid hormone replacement, patients should remember that their Doctors may be able to suggest additional drug or hormone therapies as described above, that can help in this area.

[DSM521]

There's no harm in telling the doctor about her sex drive now. If she needs to wait until everything else is settled he/she will let you know.

It might not be bad to start therapy right now, for both of you. Nine years is a long time, it would be good if both of you had someone to talk to about all of this.

I wish I had more to offer, but I do wish you luck and we're here if you need to talk.

Thank you, I really means a lot. That is why I post on here. It is easy to talk about stuff like this with people on a forum. Not so easy with friends or family.

We are seeing a counselor. We have other issues we need to get through. I have posted about them.

9 years is a long time and it is very hard. A lack of physical interaction has caused me to have many other feelings.

Thanks for your help and commits.

[Alty]

I can imagine that it's hard, heck, I know, because it was hard on my husband when I went through it. He wasn't always so understanding, often very frustrated, but really, that didn't help nor did it change anything.

What most people don't understand is that this isn't a lack of attraction to your mate, this has nothing to do with being turned off by your spouse, you're just not sexually aroused, can't get yourself to even think of sex as something enjoyable. It's hard to explain, it's like a total lack of any sexual feelings.

It's not your fault, it's not hers, sometimes the body is a mysterious machine and it doesn't always work the way it should, or the way we want it to.

I'm sure she's just as stressed out about this as you.

Together you can get there, you've already shown that you'll stand by her, make sure she knows that everyday and remember, always, that she doesn't have a choice in this, she's doing all she can.

[DSM521]

As I said in my previous post,thyroid disease does cause changes in your libido.I refer you you to this article to substantiate my thesis.Thyroid Disease and Diminished Libido

There are many concerning symptoms that can occur with thyroid disease but one of the more concerning ones is loss of libido or a decreased sex drive. One reason this particular symptom can be so concerning is because of the possible strain it can put on the marriage of a thyroid patient. I know this concern to be a very real one because I have corresponded with both male and female patients with this problem and concern on thyroid forums, repeatedly over the past several years. It is such a great concern to some of them, that it causes them increased depression symptoms as well.

Patients with more of a problem with loss of libido are those with hypothyroidism. Those with hyperthyroidism can also experience this symptom but they can also experience episodes of increased sex drive, due to the sped up metabolism hyperthyroidism can cause. With hypothyroidism, the metabolism is slowed down, which means the reproductive organs are slowed down as well. The adrenal glands that produce hormones that convert into the sex hormones are also slowed down and both men and women can see decreased testosterone and estrogen levels. Both sexes have both of these sex hormones but in different balance for each.

The good news is that when thyroid hormone imbalances of either type are corrected, the result is a normalizing of all bodily functions, including the sex drive. Many thyroid patients report that they regain a certain degree of their libido back although many, report that it is not back to 100%, as it was before thyroid disease. To regain a significant percentage however is far better than to remain in an almost void state of libido.

There are also prescription drugs that can help men in this area and the reason this is slightly more of a need for men, is due to the fact that they rely upon a bodily function that if not operating properly, prevents intimacy with their partner from taking place. This fact is also the reason lack of libido can seriously affect some men psychologically because they feel lack of ability to perform sexually, brings into question, their masculinity and ability to satisfy their partner. This then leads them to worry about their marriage in general. Certainly this is also a concern to women who also have problems with being responsive to their husbands, due to decreased libido. In addition to drugs that can help, there are also hormone therapies that can be administered by a treating Doctor, if the sex hormones are found to be low and in need of additional hormone therapies to correct them.

Thyroid hormone therapy must sometimes be given several months time to help in areas such as libido because it can take this much time to see all bodily organs regain a significant degree of their pre-disease functions. If libido is not adequately restored with thyroid hormone replacement, patients should remember that their Doctors may be able to suggest additional drug or hormone therapies as described above, that can help in this area.

Thanks for your post. It is clear you are very knowledgeable on this topic. Even I still have a strong drive the lack of hers has made me feel some of the feelings you said men experience that have a low drive.

Sometimes I feel lIke I am not meeting her needs in bed and that is why she keeps turning me away. Or I feel that she just does not find me attractive any more. I know she still has fantasies about a past boyfriend. I found a conversation with one of her female friends on the computer about it.

That made me feel betrayed and unwanted. Like she just wanted me for her emotional needs, and wanted him for her physical needs. It is a hard thing to go through.