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brian1231 · Oct 29, 2008, 04:01 AM

It's been a while since I posted here. Nothing became of the girls I worried about, and I became stronger/worked on myself/moved on. Whenever I find myself in a situation where I have no girl "situations" to worry about, I find myself content. Yea, I really want to get married/have kids etc... But whenever I find myself in a "drama situation" it almost invariably revolves around a girl I like.

For example, I have a small journal that I write in whenever I have things bothering me. 95% of my entries revolve around some girl. I've literally gone 1-2 months with not writing in it when I don't have a girl situation on my mind. I have an awful lot going for me in life and it seems I am totally content when I do not have females to worry about.

For example, take my current situation.

I met a girl through a cousin of mine. She seems very nice, like we have a lot in common, cute etc... While I have not gotten a single "no" signal from her, I have gotten several go signals (atleast I see them like that, perhaps others can interpret them)

- I went over to her house for a get together, she seemed to pay much more attention to me than anyone else (offered me an individual tour of the house, always positioned herself around me, rode in my car etc... ) even though there were a few other single guys there
- Kept asking me questions like if I had a Facebook account, said she was going to stalk me on there (in a joking way)
- My cousin (who is engaged) asked her what an old pair of keys she had hanging up were for. She mentioned how they were for her heart (and she gave me glances when she spoke about them. They seemed to "make sure he is paying attention" glances) BTW, I don't think she actually kept them for that reason, she seemed to be half kidding.
- In our email conversations she keeps bringing up how it's cool we have so much in common, how I impress her and how we will need to talk about this and that in person and how we should do whatever together in person

Perhaps I am misinterpreting things, but I should feel pretty good about this? Yet, I have been pretty unhappy all week. I find myself wanting. I can't wait for that next email from her. I want to see her. I want her to like me etc... I keep re-reading the emails we've sent.

But that also scares me. I do not like this feeling of want. It is much more peaceful when I have nobody to "want" about and can focus on myself. I am scared maybe I am looking way too much into this.

My main question is that if this is normal, and if anyone has any advice on it?

curlycarla1 · Oct 29, 2008, 04:24 AM

I'm pretty sure its normal as I used to feel the same about a guy that I used to date and maybe you should ask her what she thinks of you and you know the sentimental stuff hope it helps

talaniman · Oct 29, 2008, 07:28 AM

Your feelings are very normal, and she does seem interested. Nothing wrong with having fun getting to know each other, just keep it slow, casual, fun, and not get carried away by the feelings.

That's where a lot of problems start, moving to fast with our feelings, and making unrealistic expectations on ourselves, our dates, and the relationship.

To much, to fast, crash and burn, when those intense feelings die down.

That's what dating is about, learning enough about another person, and evaluating the facts, along with the feelings, and see if its worth continuing.

Be realistic, and don't rush yourself, no matter what the feelings are.

brian1231 · Oct 29, 2008, 08:49 AM

Good advice. I just need to be patient and take things slow.

I am going to see if she'd like to get together this weekend when I am free to try some cooking.

brian1231 · Oct 29, 2008, 08:56 AM

Good advice. I just need to be patient and take things slow.

I am going to see if she'd like to get together this weekend when I am free to try some cooking.

I am going to take things one step and a time and just have fun.

TrueFaith · Oct 29, 2008, 09:49 AM

I understand you.

When we are living our lives
Its great its easy
Because we know where we are going
In our jobs and our lifes

BUT! Add the women factor and its
Ahhh! What is she thinking

THe reason is. I personal think
I like to control everything around me, its kind of what I have to do with my work
And its hard! Not to do that in a relationship
So that's why I at least think so much about what if this happens and lala

Well I learn that's never good

You should relax my friend :)
It does sound like a very good sign
Play it cool you know girls love that

And see how it goes
I'm sure you will be hearing from her soon

Good luck

brian1231 · Oct 29, 2008, 01:23 PM

TrueFaith: I think you hit the nail on the head. When I wonder "does she like me" I put control in someone else s hands. When I am not wondering about girls, I am in TOTAL control.

As time after time of courting girls goes by, and day after day of this current courtship passes, I am learning how to relax more.

Whatever will be will be and I need to chill and let things come as they may.

brian1231 · Oct 30, 2008, 05:12 AM

Well the drama is apparently over. We've been talking over the last several days over email, and they have been very friendly + positive.

In her last note, she mentioned that she worked with kids (she is also going to grad school). I mentioned back that I loved kids, and that if I ever won the lottery, Id love to open up a daycare and spend time with children all day (which is the total truth).

She responded back in a fairly angry tone questioning why I gambled and why I'd ever want to spend my day watching a bunch of neglected kids who's parents emotionally neglected them so they could work harder just to make more money.

She then went on to talk about her day in the usual friendly manner and closed with how she was tired and needed to get up really early, and would make me wonder where she worked and exactly what she did.

Strange since she is always such a positive/friendly girl. I don't think I am going to even respond to this.

JBeaucaire · Oct 30, 2008, 08:23 AM

Don't respond. Just don't forget... you've discovered to two "hot buttons" for her... lottery/gambling and organized child care. You can't talk to her about those things until she's ready to be civil. You mentioned it once and she lectured you hard.

Don't give her an easy out again on those topics. Ignore them until you're in a position to discuss it fully.

TrueFaith · Oct 30, 2008, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by brian1231

She responded back in a fairly angry tone questioning why I gambled and why I'd ever want to spend my day watching a bunch of neglected kids whos parents emotionally neglected them so they could work harder just to make more money.
Strange since she is always such a positive/friendly girl.

Well she sounds like a wonderful person?

My Father and mother worked there A@@ off for my futuer... does that make me neglected? No they gave me the chance to do things I never dreamed of.
What a prat she is

Hmm is it worth it?

brian1231 · Oct 30, 2008, 02:30 PM

I'm guessing that this is just strike one against her. I am going to give her some space and see how it goes.

Absolute · Oct 30, 2008, 02:39 PM

I think the same way. I am contented with just being by myself, but at the same time. I'm not, but when the time arouses for me to go into play; drama is there and I fall for it every time. It sounds like she does like you but take it slow. Don't rush. Take her on a singular date, and try not to think of her every waking second.

That's how people mess up relationships; obsessing, 'living' and 'breathing' that person. Give yourself some air to breath now and then. Give yourself some down time. Time for just you and no-one else, be selfish and watch a movie or go somewhere on your own. Get in touch. It may seem like a 'loner' thing to do. But it is quite relaxing and drama free.

-Absolute

talaniman · Oct 30, 2008, 03:56 PM

Brian, Brian, Pay attention, it's a little early to be jumping to conclusions about the feelings of a stranger.

That's what dating is about. Learning Just put what you learn away for a better time, when you can get more info,

Don't make a big deal out of what may be a casual comment, or a statement of position. It takes many such statements to draw a conclusion, so have fun and don't dig deep, just discover at your pace.

You never know, for every bad point there may be several good, just don't be in a rush to judge a stranger.

brian1231 · Oct 30, 2008, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Brian, Brian, Pay attention, its a little early to be jumping to conclusions about the feelings of a stranger.

Thats what dating is about. Learning Just put what you learn away for a better time, when you can get more info,

Don't make a big deal out of what may be a casual comment, or a statement of position. It takes many such statements to draw a conclusion, so have fun and don't dig deep, just discover at your pace.

You never know, for every bad point there may be several good, just don't be in a rush to judge a stranger.

Agree Tal. Sound advice as usual. I am going to back off for a bit because I can tell she is stressed and see how things fall into place. If they were meant to be, then they were meant to be.