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kevin2006 · Dec 17, 2006, 11:21 AM

Past couple of days I've been debating with myself whether I love my girlfriend or not. I'm the type of person who worries about everything. My girlfriend always says she loves me and I know she does. But sometimes when she says she loves me, I can't say it back:confused:... but there are other times when I can say it. I don't know what's wrong with me because I'm not thinking straight. A part of me says I do love her and I need her, another part of me just wants to end it:confused:... n I feel like sometimes she's just using me, like I'm an object... I don't know.. can someone help me... I don't know what I should do.

s_cianci · Dec 17, 2006, 01:05 PM

It's hard to answer your question without some more specifics. Why does "a part of you" want to end it and why do you sometimes feel like she's using you?

talaniman · Dec 17, 2006, 05:01 PM

How old are you and your partner? How long have you been together? More info would be very helpful.

kevin2006 · Dec 17, 2006, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by kevin2006

Past couple of days I've been debating with myself whether i love my girlfriend or not. I'm the type of person who worries about everything. My girlfriend always says she loves me and i know she does. But sometimes when she says she loves me, I can't say it back:confused: ...but there are other times when i can say it. I dont know whats wrong with me because im not thinking straight. A part of me says I do love her and i need her, another part of me just wants to end it:confused: ...n i feel like somtimes shes just using me, like im an object...i dunno..can someone help me ...i dont know what i should do.

Well... when I say a part of me... I mean that I have so much negative thoughts that its basically another part of me... kinda weird but yea... I came out of a depression... its been more than 3 yrs... n I've been dating this girl for about 8 months now... and from my past epxeriences... I feel that way a girl expresses her feelings to you a lot... shes just trying to manipulate you into staying with them... I think I tried talking to my girlfriend about it... but she didn't understand... so I think I just played it off... but I'm alwayz worrying and thinking that I might not really love her

Skell · Dec 17, 2006, 05:49 PM

Hard to answer. The best thing might be to imagine your life with out her in it and will it make you happier. This might no be good advice however once with my ex I had similar feelings to you. Not quite the same but I was having little doubts. I got a bit distant and kept to myself for a while to do some thinking. Then eventually it just clicked in my mind that I was being stupid. I realised how much I loved her and I was in fact petrified of the thought of losing her.

From that moment I knew how silly I was being and was just thinking way too much about stupid things out of my control!

We eventually broke up but that was along time after and a completely different issue (her this time).

Good luck. I hope you do what is best for you but also keep in mind her feelings as well!

talaniman · Dec 17, 2006, 05:51 PM

Have you considered counseling or seeing a physician. Hey I don't know where you get these thought from, but I think you need to find out why you feel this way, I don't know you well enough to make a call like this, and give advice. But please feel free to come here and express yourself, as you are in the right place, so if you can let us know something about yourself , it would be helpful.

Skell · Dec 17, 2006, 05:53 PM

Good answer Tal!

It is very hard one to offer advice on as we don't know you too well or your situation Kevin.

But what I would say is just don't rush or make any rash decisions you may regret in the future!

kevin2006 · Dec 17, 2006, 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by kevin2006

Past couple of days I've been debating with myself whether i love my girlfriend or not. I'm the type of person who worries about everything. My girlfriend always says she loves me and i know she does. But sometimes when she says she loves me, I can't say it back:confused: ...but there are other times when i can say it. I dont know whats wrong with me because im not thinking straight. A part of me says I do love her and i need her, another part of me just wants to end it:confused: ...n i feel like somtimes shes just using me, like im an object...i dunno..can someone help me ...i dont know what i should do.

Wow... u guys are really helpful... thanks a lot... I don't know.. a couple months before.. I was feeling trapped... like I didn't want to open up to her.. n I told her this and everythin got better because we worked it out... do you think that has anything to do with what I'm feeling now... wat skell said about his relationship mite apply to me to... mayb I am too scared of losing her... and I'm a very defensive person and I don't want to get hurt again.

Skell · Dec 17, 2006, 09:29 PM

Well I was never scared of losing her until I realised that my confusion and the way I was acting might push her away and make me lose her forever.

The thought of losing her forever made me want to be with her forever.

Does she smother you?

rol · Dec 18, 2006, 04:29 AM

<<wow... u guys are really helpful... thanks a lot... I don't know.. a couple months before.. I was feeling trapped... like I didn't want to open up to her.. n I told her this and everythin got better because we worked it out... do you think that has anything to do with what I'm feeling now... >>

Keep communicating well with her about you are feeling.. keep talking... Have you allowed for that natural need for space in your relationship so far?Do you spend a lot of time together? If not this could be one reason why you feel this indifference at times. It is your heart's way of saying "I need space here."

kevin2006 · Dec 18, 2006, 09:26 AM

Originally Posted by kevin2006

Past couple of days I've been debating with myself whether i love my girlfriend or not. I'm the type of person who worries about everything. My girlfriend always says she loves me and i know she does. But sometimes when she says she loves me, I can't say it back:confused: ...but there are other times when i can say it. I dont know whats wrong with me because im not thinking straight. A part of me says I do love her and i need her, another part of me just wants to end it:confused: ...n i feel like somtimes shes just using me, like im an object...i dunno..can someone help me ...i dont know what i should do.

Yea I think you guys are right... she does kind of smother me but she's very considerate of my feelings and I see that... I think I get a little scared of commitment when she does... because I dunt want to get hurt again... and the natural space topic came up... I think it worked out.. but I don't think it was fully resolved... ill just give it time and see what happens... xmas holidays are coming up too... ill be getting some time away from her too... gives me a chance to tihnk about it

rol · Dec 18, 2006, 09:35 AM

<<and I'm a very defensive person and I don't want to get hurt again.>>

When were you hurt before?

Have you healed from that hurt?

kevin2006 · Dec 18, 2006, 11:59 AM

Originally Posted by kevin2006

Past couple of days I've been debating with myself whether i love my girlfriend or not. I'm the type of person who worries about everything. My girlfriend always says she loves me and i know she does. But sometimes when she says she loves me, I can't say it back:confused: ...but there are other times when i can say it. I dont know whats wrong with me because im not thinking straight. A part of me says I do love her and i need her, another part of me just wants to end it:confused: ...n i feel like somtimes shes just using me, like im an object...i dunno..can someone help me ...i dont know what i should do.

Well I was really hurt about 3-4 yrs ago... I thought I loved this girl... and she said she liked me too... but later on I found out she liked my friend and she didn't even tell me... so I was kind of depressed for about 2 yrs... im a lot better now... but for some reason... I still feel kind of depressed because I'm not happy with myself... thats another issue I'm dealing with and may have an effect on my relationship... because I'm alwayz thinking the worst... I think I might be the one making my girl smother me... im alwayz questioning her and maybe she feels that she always has to show her love for me... which causes me to become smotherd... so I know I got to change my approach in things and just trust her... im really low on self-confidence... wen I'm confident my head is clear and I'm able to talk to anyone... when I feel like crap I'm paranoid about things

kevin2006 · Dec 18, 2006, 05:43 PM

I'm also scared that if I do tell her I'm feeling smothered.. she might lose feelings for me.. and get distant from me

talaniman · Dec 18, 2006, 05:59 PM

You should seek a little professional help to work through your peoblems.

kevin2006 · Dec 18, 2006, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You should seek a little professional help to work thru your peoblems.

Do you have any suggestions? Like who to ask or something else?

talaniman · Dec 18, 2006, 07:29 PM

Start with your family physician, if you have one, or the health department in your town or the local hospital mental health department. The pastor at your local church may be able to steer you in the right direction or provide counseling. It depends on where you live which is not apparent on your post.

kevin2006 · Dec 18, 2006, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Start with your family physician, if you have one, or the health department in your town or the local hospital mental health department. The pastor at your local church may be able to steer you in the right direction or provide counseling. It depends on where you live which is not apparent on your post.

How should I approach a psychiatrist about my problem?

talaniman · Dec 18, 2006, 09:16 PM

With the truth about how you feel and your history, pretty much as you have done here. A professional will guide you through the process.

kevin2006 · Dec 18, 2006, 11:04 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

With the truth about how you feel and your history, pretty much as you have done here. A professional will guide you thru the process.

Hey... I talked to my girlfriend... I think the main reason is because she said I love you too much... is that a reasonable reason for my negative feelings?. I told her that and she agreed