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Iceman1018 · Nov 22, 2007, 12:42 PM

I dated this girl for just about 3 years, went through most of high school together and broke up in the middle of the summer, so its been about 4 months and I haven't spoken to her in about 2 and 1/2 months she actually broke up with me because she got tired of arguing with me about pointless stuff. I actually didn't really treat as best as I could. For the next month I tried everything to win her back; flowers, a ring, cards, love letters, I'm sorrys. While this was going on I didn't know she was getting involved with another guy. I found out and I was crushed, they are still currently dating and she says that she loves him and it's a long distance relationship. This girl has changed my life in every way possible and I want her back so bad, I have been doing very well in college right now and I'm doing what I have to do. All of sudden over the last week I started to cry over it and I miss her sooo much. Can anyone help me out and give me some advice on trying to get her back?

JoeCanada76 · Nov 22, 2007, 01:05 PM

Your not going to like my advice.

She made a choice to break up with you and it is obvious to me that she probably did because she was interested in somebody else. As far as this lady being in a long distance relationship, honestly that is not an ideal relationship but some people actually make it work out. For you doing better in college and focusing on your own career and advancement is important right now. You may want her back but she does not want you back. My advice is stay away from her, that you can not win anybody back, that is not how life works. There is no prize and that this experience should be a learning experience and lesson for you to learn how to treat others better. Focus on your life right now, focus on college and eventually one day you will meet a special person and you will remember your past experiances which will allow you to have better relationships in the future.

Best of luck to you and hope you realize that you can not win anybody back and this one is best left alone.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 22, 2007, 01:10 PM

No, advice to "get her back" but advice to start dating, making new girl friends and getting a new social life and move on.

Chery · Nov 22, 2007, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Your not going to like my advice.

She made a choice to break up with you and it is obvious to me that she probably did because she was interested in somebody else. As far as this lady being in a long distance relationship, honestly that is not an ideal relationship but some people actually make it work out. For you doing better in college and focusing on your own career and advancement is important right now. You may want her back but she does not want you back. My advice is stay away from her, that you can not win anybody back, that is not how life works. There is no prize and that this experience should be a learning experiance and lesson for you to learn how to treat others better. Focus on your life right now, focus on college and eventually one day you will meet a special person and you will remember your past experiances which will allow you to have better relationships in the future.

Best of luck to you and hope you realize that you can not win anybody back and this one is best left alone.

Joe's advice is very good and you should listen.

Also, if you have not done so yet, check out the stiky from the author of the following link... it's the first thing we should read when we feel down and think we want them back...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html

This is happening to a lot of ''lonely hearts', especially in the cold wintry season when holidays are coming up and we don't really want to be alone, but life is not always on our side emotionally.

You will survive this dear, as many of us have, I promise. It just takes TIME, and that, at least is on your side.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Iceman1018 · Nov 22, 2007, 04:16 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Your not going to like my advice.

She made a choice to break up with you and it is obvious to me that she probably did because she was interested in somebody else. As far as this lady being in a long distance relationship, honestly that is not an ideal relationship but some people actually make it work out. For you doing better in college and focusing on your own career and advancement is important right now. You may want her back but she does not want you back. My advice is stay away from her, that you can not win anybody back, that is not how life works. There is no prize and that this experience should be a learning experiance and lesson for you to learn how to treat others better. Focus on your life right now, focus on college and eventually one day you will meet a special person and you will remember your past experiances which will allow you to have better relationships in the future.

Best of luck to you and hope you realize that you can not win anybody back and this one is best left alone.

So you telling me to forget about her just like that? Let me tell you that I am just fine without her, I can get another girlfriend if I wanted too, but I don't want too, I want her. It's a really delicate situation, like disarming a bomb, one wrong move and your done. I always thought he was a rebound but I could be wrong.

Chery · Nov 22, 2007, 05:07 PM

We are not telling you anything. We are suggesting you forget about her, what you do is your choice.

From our experience, what we want back is what we never get back, because too much has changed for the worse and there will always be trouble one way or the other. There will be lack of forgiveness, jealousy, repeating past mistakes, and not letting one forget that they were human enough to make them.

This is a transition we all go through in our lives, like it or not, and it usually makes us stronger and helps us grow.

Getting over the main issues of rejection and denial are the hardest part, and once you are over that, you eventually wind up 'normal' again.

As far as 'timebombs' go, if that were true, there's be millions of people exploding every hour, so please get real. Nobody is worth making them the center of your universe or ruining your life, plans and goals.

Give yourself an opportunity to know someone you deserve because nobody deserves 'iffy' relationships these days. Life is too darned short.

We always want what we can't get... how true, but so unlogical.

Good luck.

Read the link I included in my last post here - it really helps, and shows you that you are not alone...

Iceman1018 · Nov 23, 2007, 01:43 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

We are not telling you anything. We are suggesting you forget about her, what you do is your choice.

From our experience, what we want back is what we never get back, because too much has changed for the worse and there will always be trouble one way or the other. There will be lack of forgiveness, jealousy, repeating past mistakes, and not letting one forget that they were human enough to make them.

This is a transition we all go through in our lives, like it or not, and it ususally makes us stronger and helps us grow.

Getting over the main issues of rejection and denial are the hardest part, and once you are over that, you eventually wind up 'normal' again.

As far as 'timebombs' go, if that were true, there's be millions of people exploding every hour, so please get real. Nobody is worth making them the center of your universe or ruining your life, plans and goals.

Give yourself an opportunity to know someone you deserve because nobody deserves 'iffy' relationships these days. Life is too darned short.

We always want what we can't get..... how true, but so unlogical.

Good luck.

Read the link I included in my last post here - it really helps, and shows you that you are not alone.....

That's really deep and very true. Im fine without her but sometimes I just sit and think about her constantly. I know she shouldn't be the center of the universe, its just so crazy what has happened in the past months. I had plans to call her in a couple months maybe in February or march, but would it really make a difference? If she wanted me, she would call me. Or do I go by "a closed mouth doesnt get fed." within me there is a constant struggle going on. Ever since she went away to college she has been a different person and I feel like I don't even know her anymore. Even if I wanted to call her right now, she wouldn't pick up. I want to hang on to us, but I don't want it to rule my life at the same time.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 23, 2007, 05:34 AM

Originally Posted by Iceman1018

I dated this girl for just about 3 years, went through most of high school together and broke up in the middle of the summer, so its been about 4 months and i have spoken to her in about 2 and 1/2 months she actually broke up with me because she got tired of arguing with me about pointless stuff. i actually didnt really treat as best as i could. for the next month i tried everything to win her back; flowers, a ring, cards, love letters, im sorrys. while this was going on i didnt know she was getting involved with another guy. i found out and i was crushed, they are still currently dating and she says that she loves him and its a long distance relationship. this girl has changed my life in every way possible and i want her back too bad, i have been doing very well in college right now and im doing what i have to do. all of sudden over the last week i started to cry over it and i miss her sooo much. can anyone help me out and give me some advice on trying to get her back?

She is in love with someone else, and the pointless stuff she was tired of arguing with you about is evident in the fact you're wanting to know how you can get someone back that is in a relationship with someone else. That would be rather pointless wouldn't you think?
Leave her alone and move o.

Iceman1018 · Nov 23, 2007, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She is in love with someone else, and the pointless stuff she was tired of arguing with you about is evident in the fact you're wanting to know how you can get someone back that is in a relationship with someone else. That would be rather pointless wouldn't you think?
Leave her alone and move o.

What I don't understand is how she could truly be in love with this guy after dating for only a month or two, not to mention they only see each other on weekends. I think he is providing what she wanted from me and that's why I think she loves him. I want to find a way to show her I can do that, but its so hard, I'm not sure how to handle it.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 23, 2007, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by Iceman1018

what i dont understand is how she could truly be in love with this guy after dating for only a month or two, not to mention they only see eachother on weekends. i think he is providing what she wanted from me and thats why i think she loves him. i want to find a way to show her i can do that, but its soo hard, im not sure how to handle it.

It is possible this is the guy for her. It could also be you were not the one for her which is why she broke up with you.
Leave her alone. If she wanted you, she'd be with you. Move on.

Ash123 · Nov 23, 2007, 10:59 AM

Give her time.

Don't bug her.

If she's moved on, then you'll only make it worse bugging her.

Let her try out a new reality. (Nothing is perfect)
And you try out one too (date, travel etc)

If she does contact you, do not respond unless it's a message you wish to repond to.

Please read my guide below. It is based on a lot of relationships - just like yours.

Iceman1018 · Nov 23, 2007, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by Ash123

Give her time.

Don't bug her.

If she's moved on, then you'll only make it worse bugging her.

let her try out a new reality. (Nothing is perfect)
And you try out one too (date, travel etc)

If she does contact you, do not respond unless it's a message you wish to repond to.

Please read my guide below. It is based on a lot of relationships - just like yours.

OK, how much time? And is there a point in time where I should contact her?

Homegirl 50 · Nov 23, 2007, 11:15 AM

You should not contact her. Don't bug her. Leaver her alone.
If she wants you, she will contact you.

Iceman1018 · Nov 23, 2007, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You should not contact her. Don't bug her. Leaver her alone.
If she wants you, she will contact you.

Well what if she never calls me then, I just can't let her go that easy, I want to at least try and work things out, be friends at first, but not for a couple more months.

Ash123 · Nov 23, 2007, 01:11 PM

If she's dating someone else there's not much you can do.

I have explained what I call "grenades" on this site before and some people do not like to talk about them.
(I've used them successfully but every relationship is different.)
But they work if she loves you still and only broke up with you to make a point or get her life together.

A Grenade is a one-time call or email that reminds them in short form of what was so special about you two... It's a little reminder. Sometimes they will bite. Sometimes they won't.

I would say NC is better in 90% of the cases... and if you risk contact you may have to fail again - even worse. If that doesn't bother/scare you... then wait until about 4 months from the LAST time you all contacted each other - not the date you broke up the 1st time... and try it... but be warned: it takes a special bond to re-ignite it when she's clearly moved on... use the time away to workon yourself and don't fixate on her. It clouds your thinking.

An old link;https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...st-124522.html

Iceman1018 · Nov 23, 2007, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by Ash123

If she's dating someone else there's not much you can do.

I have explained what i call "grenades" on this site before and some people do not like to talk about them.
(I've used them successfully but every relationship is different.)
But they work if she loves you still and only broke up with you to make a point or get her life together.

A Grenade is a one-time call or email that reminds them in short form of what was so special about you two...It's a little reminder. sometimes they will bite. sometimes they won't.

I would say NC is better in 90% of the cases....and if you risk contact you may have to fail again - even worse. if that doesn't bother/scare you...then wait til about 4 months from the LAST time you all contacted eachother - not the date you broke up the 1st time...and try it....but be warned: it takes a special bond to re-ignite it when she's clearly moved on.....use the time away to workon yourself and don't fixate on her. it clouds your thinking.

an old link;https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...st-124522.html

Very interesting, I have never heard that before. Get this!! I was walking into the gym today and I saw her and her boyfriend in there and I was like AHHHH!! I froze and I could tell she almost had a heart attack. I went over to her and asked how she was doing and you could tell that she really didn't want to talk to me. She said she didn't want to talk to me and I understood it, then immediately she left with and then I said take care. Then I left and drove by and said enjoy it! Enjoy it! Something stupid like that. When I saw her it was sooo weird, I didn't know what to think. I'm not sure what to do at this point now.

Ash123 · Nov 23, 2007, 04:38 PM

NOTHING... there is absloutely nothing else you can do.

NADA.

ZIPPO.

ALOHA.

PEACE.

SEEYWOULDN'TWANNABEYA.

U-IS... OUT!

Iceman1018 · Nov 23, 2007, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by Ash123

NOTHING...there is absloutely nothing else you can do.

NADA.

ZIPPO.

ALOHA.

PEACE.

SEEYWOULDN'TWANNABEYA.

U-IS........OUT!

I don't want to be me either, lol. So I guess I will follow what you said and see what happens.

Ash123 · Nov 23, 2007, 04:51 PM

No. "Seeyawouldn'twannabeya" is what you are showing HER.

Only way man.

Leave her the heck alone for at least a few months.

Iceman1018 · Nov 23, 2007, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by Ash123

No. "Seeyawouldn'twannabeya" is what you are showing HER.

Only way man.

leave her the heck alone for at least a few months.

O oops lol, that's true. I don't think I'm going to call her until the summer, because when I was still at the gym she looked very annoyed at me, she still seems to be mad at me for all the times I have bothered her in the recent months. I have a feeling she will never feel the same as she once did.