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seville · Sep 27, 2010, 08:48 PM

Originally Posted by beachloverjohn

Seville, if you keep walking in a circle, guess what , you end up where you started. Maybe it's time to get off the "merry go round?"

Thanks but that doesn't make me feel better, now what !yeah that hurts but he had to tell me it was his revenge! He would have told me by email I didn't look to talk to him! I want to send an email and tell him that he abused me and all the things, he thinks were normal to himetc... then he will have have that last memory of how he treated me... then delete him from msn!I need to do somehing and get it off my chest before I delete! Hes not the mr nice guy, she will be in for a long rollercoaster ride!

Just Looking · Sep 27, 2010, 09:03 PM

It would do you so much good to read the stickies. This one addresses those feelings you are having.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-510418.html

We all have those feelings (of revenge, hurt, wanting to get back) when something doesn't work out, but they won't get you anywhere. He'll be left with a feeling that he is better off without you. You'll still feel bad. If you want revenge, you go on to a happy life and forget about him. That's the sweetest revenge, and it's the healthiest one for you. Stop thinking about him and what will happen. He'll get what he deserves, either way.

You know my story. I could have been consumed by self pity. Where would that have gotten me? Instead, I chose to improve myself and my life. I chose to leave the past behind me. I chose happiness over revenge. You can do that, too. Your life will be much happier and more complete if you do.

seville · Sep 27, 2010, 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by Just Looking

It would do you so much good to read the stickies. This one addresses those feelings you are having.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-510418.html

We all have those feelings (of revenge, hurt, wanting to get back) when something doesn't work out, but they won't get you anywhere. He'll be left with a feeling that he is better off without you. You'll still feel bad. If you want revenge, you go on to a happy life and forget about him. That's the sweetest revenge, and it's the healthiest one for you.

Stop thinking about him and what will happen. He'll get what he deserves, either way.

Thank you! He said its just started with her recently and that he loves her and with all his soul! That she looks after him and she's helping him rebuild his life! The circumstances are so different now nothing to worry about where he is and here it was stress with his situation!
I said it wasn't my fault what happened to you! He just kept enphasising on the fact that I let him down when he couldn't take his stuff and that's what triggered him leaving me!
Do you think it was that? Or was I mean to not have let him straight away?because 2days later I said it was fine! Instead he upset me and said its too late and left! But you know the rest of the story! Now the guilt trip is on! A libaneese girl both muslims so maybe he can now do what he wants when he wants including other girls and she won't say a word that's the culture unless its changed! The best revenge would be to delete him right?I wish I could do it but will as well SOME TIME SOON that's like really it and hell know I'm upset by doing it but I don't care at this stage! My last words were don't want to talk anymore, seville is gone forever! I guess he knows it hurt by telling me its just the worst feeling!! I was starting to feel better these last few weeks!
I know you're all right no contact everyone on here realises it sooner or later but when you get some contact from them you loose all the work and feelings overtake, especially on msn so easy to talk back and curious of how he's doing! We just talked as normal in the beginning and then baff..!
Don't think that all your advice and opinions you guys didn't help, they did I have moved on in a way and progressed in my personnel life!
But boy did that blow me away! Saying still loves me and loved me like crazy etc.. its not fair and doesn't make sense!As you say justlooking
He'll get what he deserves either way but I do wish him luck because he was part of my life and I hope that he's happy! That's all! Its just a guilt feeling for the rest! And kind of envious of them together in the far away land!

Thanks hoping to heal completely one day in future!!

beachloverjohn · Sep 27, 2010, 09:52 PM

To quote the immortal words of the very wise Talaniman

NO COMMENT

Just Looking · Sep 27, 2010, 09:58 PM

You aren't alone in having a setback. Hopefully you now have a better understanding of how no contact will help you. Please read the stickies. As we've been saying, find ways to make yourself happy. Don't rely on men to do that. Find a job. Keep taking your classes. Get back to your joking ways - you have a great sense of humor. Don't allow him to hurt you again. Have a good cry if you need to, but then pick yourself up and get to work on improving your life. You are the only one that can do that... and you can do it. You just have to change your ways. We've all given you advice on how to do that. :)

lamp_post · Sep 27, 2010, 10:06 PM

Yes, we CAN do it! Love is all about both ends... love is never easy and there is no meant to be... only hard earn love with supreme trust.

kaka67 · Sep 27, 2010, 11:17 PM

Originally Posted by seville

Should i ask him how he is on MSN?

Originally Posted by talaniman

NO, absolutely not! As a matter of fact, stay off his facebook page.

Shame you didn't listen, because then you would have avoided the drama you now have in your heart :mad:

It doesn't matter anymore the why's or how's.
All that matters is this: ITS OVER!!!!

seville · Sep 28, 2010, 06:02 AM

Originally Posted by Just Looking

It would do you so much good to read the stickies. This one addresses those feelings you are having.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-510418.html

We all have those feelings (of revenge, hurt, wanting to get back) when something doesn't work out, but they won't get you anywhere. He'll be left with a feeling that he is better off without you. You'll still feel bad. If you want revenge, you go on to a happy life and forget about him. That's the sweetest revenge, and it's the healthiest one for you. Stop thinking about him and what will happen. He'll get what he deserves, either way.

You know my story. I could have been consumed by self pity. Where would that have gotten me? Instead, I chose to improve myself and my life. I chose to leave the past behind me. I chose happiness over revenge. You can do that, too. Your life will be much happier and more complete if you do.

Hi again!
I admire your strength of character!! I wish I could be happy and move on soon!! I've been awake allnight, I feel awful with a headache and dizzyiness! I just feel like I'm left hanging on a piece of thread, and don't feel complete after lastnight like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say before closure! He and I was writing so fast with everythng we thought and my fingers kind of slowed down with trying to say everything!I couldn't type fast enough!
Its horrorfying why does this guy want to keep hurting me right to the end! As a booyfriend he never hardly called me after our get together and just didn't make much of an effort! Now as his life is easier he's going to be a real boyfriend to her as it seems! That's the worst! Who knows his true colours will come through after comfort zone is through!
He said he would never come back here that it destroyed him. The fact that his brother through him on the street, he said he's still weak from what he went through, and she's helping him! I have read the other threads no one can help you build a new life, its up to yourself! She'll feel like me eventually doing everything for him and to making him feel better! In the end you get nothing back and back fires! I consider that I was perfectly normal with him and respected him and was a good girlfriend, and it could have been a lovely story but he just destroyed what we had and broke the trust by lack of maturity.. Maybe he made it up about the girl that its just a flirt and nothing and trying to make me feel bad! At the beginning of the conversation he said he would set up a dance show for me in his country as its quite popular for dance! If he's with someone would he arrange that! Whatever!
I do feel a better since a few months and feel things are so simple, at the time I got anxious and worried about the outcome of everything! The fatal mistake! And lost a chance of a good career and was blinded by love! When he was going through all his pain I went through it too and now he's not one bit worried about what happens to me and gone. I say never help or love anyone love doesn't exist, it's a waste of time and so far I don't want anyone! How could I have given my heart and soul to someone who played with my mind? You would have to know him to understand how anyone could get sucked in!! My feelings for him just seem to come to the surface especially since yesterday!which is normal, but its unbareable with this other one!
Thanks again for giving me some moral!!

I have to delete him soon before I see something else I won't like!
But feel I haven't said eveything !Before with an ex I texted how I felt to him to say it was over and why and felt better! I'm going to a dance class later and will hopefully take this stress away!!

talaniman · Sep 28, 2010, 06:44 AM

Nice rant, now delete him forever.

seville · Sep 28, 2010, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Nice rant, now delete him forever.

Women and some men need to rant to get to the bottom of the b... s..
And helps to evacuate the stress and eventually come to a decision!
It seems that you're annoyed at me for chatting with him and I don't blame you, but I was beyond expecting him to come out with that..
As for months we never talked about those things, work, and stuff, me too I was seeing someone for 2months or so but didn't rub his face in it! I know that would have hurt him. I was too busy going out to places with him to even go on line!
Sorry to cheese you off,its just too fresh for the moment and is sinking in!
I just need some stern words from you guys! Also that I didn't wreck the chance with him by not letting him put his things to begin with! As he seemed to talk about that a lot! Do you think it was really that? What would you have done in my situation? I think it was a number of different things, no job no situation conflict with brother etc.. And my quick but bad reaction! You still would give the person a chance in undertanding what the person was faced with!
Sorry to rant but this is the only way to sooth my rushing thoughts!!

Homegirl 50 · Sep 28, 2010, 07:18 AM

You are prolonging your own misery. What ever else you might want to say to him is not going to make one bit of difference to him. It will not make him come back and if he did, you would be always waiting for him to walk out again. Delete him and be done with it.

I think this dude was going to walk any way. Stop feeling guilty. There were probably red flags you were ignoring. This was not meant to be

kaka67 · Sep 29, 2010, 02:06 AM

Your analyzing this too much.

It doesn't matter anymore. If he wants to blame you. Who cares?
If he never takes responsibility for his own actions/choices then he'll just make the same mistakes the next time around. That's his business.

Dwell on the excuses he gave you for the separation all you like but it doesn't change anything.. Its still over isn't it?

seville · Sep 29, 2010, 05:50 AM

Originally Posted by kaka67

Your analyzing this too much.

It doesnt matter anymore. If he wants to blame you. Who cares?
If he never takes responsibility for his own actions/choices then he'll just make the same mistakes the next time around. Thats his business.

Dwell on the excuses he gave you for the seperation all you like but it doesnt change anything.. Its still over isnt it?

You're right not good to dwell on the reasons. It hurt how he brought up the reasons again after such a long time he still feels strongly about it. Back then, I think I reacted that way to protect myself, without knowing it! Instincts kicked in. Somewhere a redlight came on. For that, for him it was the end. I think he was going to leave anyway because he had no situation to continue living like that. He likes to rub it in because he knows I care about him.
Could you give me your point of view, will he treat this girl the way he treated me? hardly making an effort and being an ***!
I know its ridiculous to be still thinking about all this! I need to get it off my chest once and for all!
I'm still thinking about sending an email, I know it might not make a difference, it would just let him know that I knew what was going on with his lies etc.. And his manipulating ways. I could put it in context with exemples of the horrible things he put me through! If he thinks he did nothing wrong and he's so great, well he will realise his actions, maybe not now but in a few years time! Then be done with him! I think it would liberate me!!
Any opinions?

kctiger · Sep 29, 2010, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by seville

I'm still thinking about sending an email, i know it might not make a difference, it would just let him know that i knew what was going on with his lies etc.. and his manipulating ways. I could put it in context with exemples of the horrible things he put me through! if he thinks he did nothing wrong and hes so great, well he will realise his actions, maybe not now but in a few years time! Then be done with him! I think it would liberate me!!!
Any opinions?

I think this is a horrible idea and it wouldn't serve any good whatsoever. If you think you can somehow guilt him into changing who he is, you're dead wrong. If you had that much power over him you would still be together, but luckily, you aren't.

You liberate yourself, not him. So stop giving him so much control over your emotions and your life. I have read this thread from start to finish and the one common theme I see is lack of self reliance. I cannot sit here and let you off the hook for creating this own mess you find yourself in. Yes, breakups are awful and your situation didn't work out. That's life. Rely on yourself to make the changes you need to make YOU happy. You aren't anyone's puppet, so stop acting like it. Maybe it's just me, but every time you get solid advice on how to make tangible changes that will actually have a lasting effect, the conversation is turned back onto focusing your attention on someone else (usually another guy).

It's obvious you are an attractive and smart women, so don't waste that on meaningless ventures that get you nowhere.

It's cliché, but the best revenge you can have right now is to go on, find something you like doing and develop a long term solution to your problems. This doesn't mean finding a man, it means finding an identity.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 29, 2010, 06:43 AM

Girls sending that e-mail will be so lame. It is an act of desperation and it is not attractive.
You are dragging this into the mud. You'll send that email then think some more and send another, GET OVER IT! This guy is not going to care one way or the other.

The best revenge is to live well without him and right now you are giving this guy control.

seville · Oct 23, 2010, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I think this is a horrible idea and it wouldn't serve any good whatsoever. If you think you can somehow guilt him into changing who he is, you're dead wrong. If you had that much power over him you would still be together, but luckily, you aren't.

You liberate yourself, not him. So stop giving him so much control over your emotions and your life. I have read this thread from start to finish and the one common theme I see is lack of self reliance. I cannot sit here and let you off the hook for creating this own mess you find yourself in. Yes, breakups are awful and your situation didn't work out. That's life. Rely on yourself to make the changes you need to make YOU happy. You aren't anyone's puppet, so stop acting like it. Maybe it's just me, but every time you get solid advice on how to make tangible changes that will actually have a lasting effect, the conversation is turned back onto focusing your attention on someone else (usually another guy).

It's obvious you are an attractive and smart women, so don't waste that on meaningless ventures that get you nowhere.

It's cliche, but the best revenge you can have right now is to go on, find something you like doing and develop a long term solution to your problems. This doesn't mean finding a man, it means finding an identity.

Hello everyone,

This is an update! Well my ex contacted me again last Monday, saying "I'm a pitty and embarassed, but my brother is back in town to take over his fathers business and i had an arguement with my brother and my sister and i packed my bags and left". Now he is homeless walking in the streets of his hometown. He said he slept outside his office and got up at 6am for work, but he isin't earning enough to get his own place, and only has a small amount of money till the end of the month. Only enough to eat for the next few days and would it be possible to help him!
I said what about your new girlfriend I thought she was helping you to construct your life? He replied with a minute of reflexion its over with her he broke up with her last Thursday! (really:confused:)?
He said I'm the only person he can talk to about this as his friends would not understand as in his country your family never throw you out no matter what! He said "i'm i weird or is it the others"?or do I have badluck"?
Anyway I tried to make him feel a bit better with some encouraging words! he said "thank you for your presence".
We spoke that night, I had been out that night with a friend for dinner and had a few glasses of wine. So when we spoke I mentioned the past and said a few emotional things.:rolleyes: I also said i hope he found a solution and things would get better for him, etc.
Two days past and asked him how he was? He said "he was living with a friend for a few days! Thanks for worrying" After I said i we could talk tonight he said its better if we didn't after our last conversation he doesn't want to be reminded of his past etc.. I said i understand it was normal if we spoke briefly about the past after such a long time. I would speak of the present he said the present is s***!
SO I said "I see take care and sorry to have disturbed you"!

Anyway I felt bad that day! I don't know why he keeps gettig back to me?I do care about him and would hate to think he's homeless!
What's your opinions?
Thanks:)

talaniman · Oct 23, 2010, 03:15 PM

He is a big boy, and can solve his own problems for himself, and doesn't need your help, and you should still get it through your head to leave him alone, you big softie.

kaka67 · Oct 23, 2010, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by seville

whats your opinions?
Thanks:)

He's using you

It suits him to call you looking for a bit of sympathy because life is crap for him.
He made the life he has. Leave him too it and don't get sucked into the drama.

Im pretty sure if it was a reverse situation you'd be on your own.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2010, 04:34 PM

First of all, it is not really clear what went down with the two of you leading up to him becoming "illegal", but the situation is out of your control at this point. He is in another country and has found somebody else and despite what he has said to you regarding his feelings towards you, you now need to move on and live your life. You can't sit around waiting for him to come back, or to come around, because life is too short to sit around and wait for somebody when it is not clear if there is hope for you as a couple. There is not just one person for everyone, so go out there and enjoy your life.

Good Luck,

Javi

Fr_Chuck · Oct 24, 2010, 04:37 PM

He is an ex, and for what every reason it happened, he is being nice but he has moved on.

And until you get on with no contact, delete them as friends on all of those contact sites.
You may live in the past, live in pain and continue to look for reasons. Or you can live you life and move on