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starlite1 · Oct 14, 2009, 12:32 PM

That's just it, I wish. If I bring anything up at all, he freaks out (not physically). He gets mad, throws a tantrum like a spoiled little brat. I'm at the point where I am afraid to even bring anything up to him.

I wish · Oct 14, 2009, 12:40 PM

I hate to be the one to bring this up, but you've been having serious problems with him since the first time you posted in this forum, which is March. You've had months to work things out, but there does not seem to be any progress whatsoever. If anything, your relationships is deteriorating, especially when you tell us that you're afraid to bring "anything" up. With this kind of obstacle, you no longer have a healthy relationship.

When you're afraid to express yourself, that means there's a HUGE communication breakdown. That's a huge problem. If it doesn't get fixed, your relationship is going to end sooner or later.

I think you need to take a few steps back and reconsider this relationship. Relationships are suppose to be happy and natural. I understand that you might have some happy moments, but maybe not often enough. Furthermore, this relationship is anything but natural. It feels forced.

starlite1 · Oct 15, 2009, 05:22 AM

The thing is I really do love this man. But, I do see what you are saying. Communication is a huge factor in any relationship, however I am afraid to talk with him sometimes. He gets angry and lays blame.

talaniman · Oct 15, 2009, 06:21 AM

Him being angry, and you being scared to talk, is a good reason to back off, and regroup.

Sorry but it takes two people willing to talk to resolve anything.

epiphany · Oct 15, 2009, 10:37 AM

Not to sound cliché but if you guys hope to marry someday, you should be each other's best friend. Part of that idea sits in the fact you should be able to talk about and share everything with each other as far as communication is concerned. Neither should be afraid or feel controlled.

As far as your insecurities, I often have a problem similar but not as severe as yours and ask my BF for reassurance. What you have to start to see is the cycle. There is only so many times a person can tell you they love you, won't leave you, won't cheat.. etc, until they get to a point of feeling "what do I have to do for this person to believe I love them heart and soul"? It gets really taxing on them to always have to reassure just like it is hard on us to always question. Sometimes you have to realize the more you push after you have been reassured the harder you make it on them finding the way to tell you what you want to hear when the other 50 times (and actions) weren't enough and the more you can push away.

I get it, I do because I have been there. But you can't always depend on them to help control what is in your head. The only person that can do that is you. Another person can't fix your dark thoughts because it is all in your mind.. not theirs. You have to find better ways to talk yourself down off that ledge so that way when you have a very bad episode you can talk to your partner about it. This way every time you over think something minor you can try to work it out in your head before you let it spiral and let it blow up.

Trust me not only will you feel better, the relationship will to. I try to find other things to do and tell my head I can't control him.. I can only control me. Once you really grasp that the worst of your fears will begin to calm down.

starlite1 · Oct 15, 2009, 12:48 PM

Thank you so much Epiphony, that was beautiful, and I will definitely try to do that. Maybe that is why we have such a hard time communicating with each other. He feels I am about to go into an episode (which at times I am not anymore), and I feel that no matter what I say he will get mad and angry.

I wish · Oct 15, 2009, 01:02 PM

When you feel that you're deeply in love, you feel like it's really difficult to let go, because love gives you hope.

Just because you are in love with the other person doesn't mean the relationship will work out.
In addition to feelings of love, both people involved need to put in the effort, compromise, mutually respect each other's wishes, have a strong communication system and trust to help build a relationship.

It's extremely unhealthy to stay in a relationship when you're the only one compromising. Furthermore, it's even worse when you're constantly hoping that the other person will change one day. That's just setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak.