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Ther4peuticH3at · Dec 6, 2009, 12:17 PM

Got it ;).. Me first.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 04:00 PM

I'm in the same situation guys...

I broke up with my girlfriend to only want her back.
... by the next day...

vanheart · Dec 6, 2009, 05:09 PM

We, or most of us are, or have been in the same boat.

That's why we are here. Broken hearted dumpees wondering how to deal with this tragedy & pain.

What's really important is to understand what's really important.

That includes ones that care, unconditionally. Not ones that exit for another, or bail for whatever reason.

What's difficult is to come to the realization that what we had is no longer, even though we are blinded by what may have been good in the past.

To have false hope to think that our exs feel the same as we do. Which, in all honesty is unjustified.

As Tal has mentioned. You shouldn't make someone a priority if they are not willing to do the same.

My breakup was devastating and very painful, but the lessons Ive learned not only about that, but to dig deep into who I am & the types of people that I wish to have in my life have really opened my eyes.

It takes time, work and patience.

Right now we may think that our ex is the end all, but that is the farthest thing from the truth.

We ALL get through this.

tragedy · Dec 6, 2009, 05:14 PM

You've got to be strong and stick to NC. What's the point of contacting her? It will do you more harm than good. I believe you wouldn't want to end up like me where my ex shared all my private messages with her friends. Save your dignity and respect yourself. No one wants to play with the dog that just lays there moping. They like the cute active doggy that still thinks it is a puppy. Don't stop yourself from healing.

sadnlostedddd · Dec 9, 2009, 03:06 PM

It's been almost 4 months! This is ridiculous and seriously, serrrrrrrrrrrriously starting to get to me. I think about her and I want to throw up. I was taking my diff eq. final this morning, and I don't know how but my mind wandered to her and I sat there thinking about her for about 10 minutes, staring at my exam. I seriously don't know what's wrong with me, as much pride as I had before, it seems like it's gone. I told myself , even while I was with the ex, if we'd broke up, I'd be okay with it because "i have to much pride to let a girl get me down"... definitely not, and if I did, it was misplaced pride. I'm starting to think I'm always going to be miserable. Ever since I met her in the 10th grade, this girl has been the center of my world, even for a year and a half before we started dating, I was crazy about her. I know I can't expect to be over her in 4 months, but I mean, I still feel the same same as I did the day after. Every good thing that happens is only a 3 hour temporary solution and then I'm back to where I was.

paxe · Dec 9, 2009, 03:56 PM

It takes time buddy to heal yourself. Are you actively healing though? Going out with friends, socializing, new activities, gym? I doubt it. The vacations are coming, you'll find time to relax and enjoy yourself. You need to set yourself a goal and change the perspective from her to you.

Ther4peuticH3at · Dec 9, 2009, 03:59 PM

Sorry about that calc4 exam... but yea, I'm back were you are... FYI, I've already slipped up on two mid terms because my mind wouldn't stop wandering towards her.

I know everything is back and forth right now; hell, look at how far progressed I've been in my previous posts. I've managed to find that peace of mind every once in a while, but I sure as hell haven't figured out how to sustain it.

And if you think you're the only one, I swore the same thing to myself when we were together. I KNEW I wouldn't let the break up faze me, I'd get over it, move on, I'd adapt, I'd survive, I'd be fine before long... But "before long" has come and gone and right now, I'm barely making it.

Probably the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me happened last night. Scared the hell out of me; despite the anonymity of this forum, it's going to be hard to disclose what happened.

Basically, I woke up about an hour or so before my alarm went off (not abnormal). But I woke up ALREADY in tears, I could still remember my dream and it had NOTHING to do with ANYTHING, absolutely nothing to be upset about. So I had no idea why I was crying, but I COULDN'T STOP. Before long I was crying because I couldn't stop crying... I had to get a wash cloth to clean up my face about a half hour or so later when I had finally regained some control. I proceeded to go back to sleep fully intending to skip my early class and when I woke up, I was still deeply disturbed by the whole thing. It feels like God or the universe is trying to tell me something is wrong with someone in my life, and I'm worried that person is me.

I'm not going to act like I've never cried before, but never often; usually, if I'm ever brought to tears, I recover feeling better than ever... but not this time. I don't know what to do about it. I'm just going to try to process it best I can, and hope to goodness that when I fall asleep tonight I don't wake up soaked in tears.

vanheart · Dec 9, 2009, 04:09 PM

All these things are so normal.

But one thing to keep in mind is that the damage is already done.

Everything after that is our own doing. Caused by our thoughts.

You have to do whatever it takes not to wallow & keep those negative thoughts at bay. Like paxe says, get out, keep busy, hang with friends. Keep your mind active on positive thoughts.

This is not the end of the world. You are not dying, although it may feel terrible. You are in complete control now.

Show yourself how strong you can be & how you don't NEED this person to be happy again.

Make some daily goals, then weekly ones, then...

sadnlostedddd · Dec 9, 2009, 04:25 PM

Its strange because I do go out, and I do have fun with my friends, nobody else in my life knows this is bugging me anymore except me, and it does help, but then it goes away. It's like I'm on a hill and I'll get to a certain place, then fall back down, and I have to work so hard to get back to that place, but never past it. This past weekend, I went out and I was completely over it. But then it wears off, and it when it does I fall HARD. That's the most frustrating part, thinking you're getting better, and then realizing it was only short term, I guess the same as a rebound, which is why that option is definitely out of the window now.

This sounds kind of sad, but given all of the things I've got going for me right now, I've got good grades, I've got a co-op set up for next semester, I'm surrounded by beautiful women here on this campus, whenever I think about my bright future, I feel better, but then the thought comes up if I'd trade it all to get her back, and to be honest with you, sometimes the answer is yes. I know I need to get out of that mind set. The one thing that I am very happy about is that I have become a lot more humble. Like I said before, I had everything that I wanted, included an amazing girlfriend, I started to feel myself a little too much, which is why I think this has happened, but I honestly don't think God would put me through this much pain if it weren't for a reason

vanheart · Dec 9, 2009, 04:31 PM

Dude, that is how it goes. An emotional rollercoaster.

I became so frustrated with myself because I would have setbacks & I just wanted it to end.

Like you said, think about that bright future.

That amazing girlfriend was in the past.

What I really believe is that with great suffering, come great awareness.

Use this time to better yourself.

talaniman · Dec 9, 2009, 05:15 PM

I feel for you, as I know how rough it can be. At one time I was in your shoes, but after getting over that hump, again, and again, not only did I know what needed to be done, but things got a lot better faster.

That's the way gaining life experience works, you learn what to do, and you just do it, and overcome. It may suck every time, but you do KNOW, you'll be okay, and so will your world.

You just have to go through it a few times, that's all.

paxe · Dec 9, 2009, 05:23 PM

It's pretty normal to feel this way. Heck 6 month later I still have some down time, but they do wither away pretty fast. It's all about perspective and looking toward the future. You need to make your life exciting so that you won't have to look back. You have to look at this as if the future holds so much more potential, because you've worked so hard on being a better person (right?).

You say you go out with friends and all? Well concentrate on how amazing and fun the night was, and think of future amazing nights. Then think make a plan for the future of a place you would like to go and you never went before.

It's steps like these that will make you feel better.

vanheart · Dec 9, 2009, 05:29 PM

That's a really great point.

To recognize those good feelings while they are happening & creating more of them.

Saying "Gee, that felt great, gimme some more."

Yes, breaking routine is very important too. Doing things differently, meeting new people.

Ther4peuticH3at · Dec 10, 2009, 11:07 AM

So, I'm back to torturing myself. Hating myself for letting her break NC.. I don't want to be in this funk anymore... I'm so sick of the ups and downs... I don't understand how I let her get to me..

Last week she was warm and inviting, I let her come over and talk.. let some things go. She told me it was so great to see me (yada yada yada) asked me if I would hang out with her over the weekend, and I was still myself, I was still strong, so I said sure, why not... the days go by and the weekend approaches, and I strangely find myself looking forward to seeing her... the weekend comes and long story short, she blows me off... I know that it shouldn't have bothered me, but I let it eat at me until I had nothing left.

Now I'm sitting here feeling like absolute garbage and I want her to need me like she did before. I'm almost certain that between the night she came over and the weekend she found someone else.. maybe someone she'd already been talking to, maybe somebody she met randomly, maybe the guy she first rebounded with when we broke up(at some point over NC I got word that it didn't end up working out between them), I guess it doesn't matter who or why or when.

So.. in my weakness, I called her today. She tells me that she's not actually dating anyone, but I SWEAR she is. I mean, I know her, I know she's lying to me about this. (Plus I know from a decent source that she is in some way involved with another guy now) But I can't figure out why she would go through the trouble of lying about it when she's obviously SO over me and can't possibly give a crap about me.

Why am I doing this to myself? I feel so pathetic, I should be over all this.

paxe · Dec 10, 2009, 12:21 PM

First off, read the stickies about breaking NC. Secondly, tell her you don't want to see her or to hear from her, ever again! Seriously, you won't move on if you torture yourself like that, she is using you and it is blatantly obvious. Use your rational thoughts and apply what you know is best for you.

Apply NC and stick to it, next time she calls, don't answer and next time you want to hear something from her, hit your head on the wall (metaphorically).

Ther4peuticH3at · Dec 10, 2009, 12:40 PM

"Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves." - Byron

I guess I was making myself a slave. I really like the "hit your head on the wall" part; actually I love it. I get it man, thanks so much for reminding me.

You know, there should really be a twelve step program for getting over break ups... I mean it's clear that I've been addicted to her; every low that I've had could be described as something like a withdrawal symptom. NC is great, but it's like telling an alcoholic to remove all the booze from his from his home when the booze can just, literally, come knocking on his door the next day.

But yea, I guess it's back to the fundamentals. NC will have to do for now.

talaniman · Dec 10, 2009, 12:42 PM

The4peuticH3at,

Instead of hijacking the thread of others, why not start your own.

Ther4peuticH3at · Dec 10, 2009, 01:05 PM

Hijacking huh... My bad, I just figured any advice that was good for me would be good for sadnlost. I mean, I thought we were in a similar place with all this. I've gained a lot from what you guys have said to him. I figured it might work both ways.

It's kind of funny you said that though. I actually tried to make my own thread last night after it felt like I had hit a new low and after I clicked "Post" or w/e, the site went down. Of course, all the text input from the form was lost. That kind of turned me off to the whole thing, but yea, if it's a problem I won't post my baggage on this thread anymore.

talaniman · Dec 10, 2009, 01:44 PM

You can write your post in Microsoft Word, and then copy and paste it so at least when the site has glitches, you don't lose what you have written.

sadnlostedddd · Dec 11, 2009, 12:42 PM

I think I figured out why this happens to me... whenever I have a period of high confidence, about school, or especially other girls, I don't care about my ex, sometimes I even get angry at myself for letting it get me so down.
But whenever I have a period of low confidence, that's when I start to miss her. Does this make any sense?