My ex and I dated for about 3 and a half years, we met in high school and dated through our sophomore years of college, I treated her as best as I could, I took her out, I never raised my voice at her or cussed at her, I never cheated on her, I'm ambitious and those were all qualities that she liked so I was very secure as her boyfriend, she was a very good girlfriend, she was also ambitious, she's gorgeous, and she was very very loyal and faithful

About 3 weeks ago we broke up, it was mutual, we just wanted to be single and go as individuals and if it was meant to be, later on we'd get back together. We were both very sad, and at first I tried to get her to call it off, but she told me that she wanted to go through with it, so I left her alone, all of this happened over Facebook chat because she was too upset to talk to me over the phone

So for the past 3 weeks I;ve been giving her the space that she asked for, I;ve been working on improving myself, I started teaching myself the keyboard(sorta) I've been in the gym, and I've been keeping up with my classes, during this time I spent hours researching the best way to get your ex back

Eventually I came up with a plan to get her back, after a few more weeks I was going to try and start as friends and build up from there

But yesterday I received a fatal blow when I looked on her Facebook page and saw that she was in a relationship with another guy. I was so shocked because she never ever gave a guy another look while we were dating, and I didn't think she d get snap out of it that quickly. While I don't know the new guy, he's not very attractive according to all of her friends and we're exact opposites, basically he's opposite of everything she told me she liked

I asked her about it and I asked her how she could move on so quikcly and she said she was still in love with me and would never get over me but she was trying to move on, as much as it hurt me, I was so nice to her, and wished her well

Now I'm lost, today she put pictures of her up sleepign with the first present that I ever got her, a stuffed bear, that's very symbolic to her, and she still wears the necklace I gave her, I know she misses me, but I don't know what to think of this new relationship, is it a rebound? Is she missing the attention I gave her, and should I wait for her, I love her so much, more than anything, and I know most people would say move on, but I'm so stuck on this girl that I can't see myself dating anyone else, I know I'm still young (20) but I'm in a terrible place right now, I want to know whether I should continue to live my life, and hope that this relationship fails, or should I try and block her out all the way

PLEASEEEE HELP ME!!

Sorry but its time to move on. Her words don't match her actions. Read the advice in the stickies at the top of the page.
You say this was a mutual decision and she s acted on it.

I'm sorry for what has happened to you. I can say this , we have all been through this. You think she needs space to figure things out but she probably was thinking sbout breaking it off for a long time but she stayed with you to make it easier for herself (this is exactly what happened to me).
I understand what you are feeling, betrayed hurt, you cannot comprehend how they move on so fast. What you need to do is you need to stop contact right away, chances are she is using him to get over you (rebound), you need to show her what she doesn't have anymore and cut contact. This will also make it easier for you to move on as she is trying to do.
Now I know you are thinking I want her back and all but you said that it was mitual and we both broke it off, maybe now you just want her back because someone else is involve. My best advice would be not to get involve in her business (facebook, friends, family) , do not contact her and work on yourself. Who knows what will happen to you.
Believe me when I tell you that you will find that special someone, in fact if you read peoples threads you always notice something common, everyone thinks and believe that the person they are referring to is the best person in the world for them and there are no other. They say this because of the vulnerable state they are in (something to think about)
Wish you all the best

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Originally Posted by Ithappenstoall

I m sorry for what has happened to you. I can say this , we have all been through this. You think she needs space to figure things out but the fact of the matter is she probably was thinking sbout breaking it off for a long time but she stayed with you to make it easier for herself (this is exactly what happened to me).
I understand what you are feeling, betrayed hurt, you cannot comprehend how they move on so fast. What you need to do is you need to stop contact right away, chances are she is using him to get over you (rebound), you need to show her what she doesnt have anymore and cut contact. This will also make it easier for you to move on as she is trying to do.
Now i know you are thinking i want her back and all but you said that it was mitual and we both broke it off, maybe now you just want her back because someone else is involve. My best advice would be not to get involve in her business (facebook, friends, family) , do not contact her and work on yourself. Who knows what will happen to you.
Believe me when i tell you that you will find that special someone, in fact if you read peoples threads you always notice something common, everyone thinks and believe that the person they are referring to is the best person in the world for them and there are no other. They say this because of the vulnerable state they are in (something to think about)
Wish you all the best

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Thanks for your input, it definitely sucks, and I know it'll get better, but I've heard that a rebound relationship may end up leading us back together because she'll realize what she's missing, I don't know, maybe not

Whatever it is do not thinking about how she will act... just think about you now and get better... and things will I promise you that

I do agree with everyone that "her actions do not match her words". But women are complex and so are their thoughts, feelings and actions. She may need to validate her feelings. She may be feeling too attached at such a young age. She may simply want to experience more before she commits and is not ready for commitment.

You two where together at 18 I presume... 3 years, its all going great and you worship the ground she walks on. You sound very sweet and a "true" gentlemen which is very rare these days in your generation. Just concentrate on yourself and remember, that if something is special and wonderful, and you let it go, just to see if it comes back to you, and it does, you can keep it. If something is not well then it is time to move on. She evidently moved on, maybe you should try to have some fun too... try to see other people, you may find that your interests have changed. Giving her, her space is good, I don't think you should cut her off, remove her from your life, maybe you could be friends... keep your connection to her, maybe when your ready to move on she will change her mind? You never know! But, my boyfriend always pursued me - even when I broke up with him (numerous times) and every time he so desperately came to get me, I knew he loved me and so we married. So, you will have to do what you feel you need to do. Worst case scenario, you move on.

One man to another, you do as she does. She moved beyond the relationship, and is doing her thing, which is exactly what you should be doing. Your thing.

Yeah it sucks in the feelings department, but being busy with family, friends, and school will keep you busy as you heal in time.

The key is leaving her alone, and staying off her facebook. Those two things will keep you stuck, confused, and hurting, for your loss. You need new happy memories, to replace the old ones, and that just takes time.

You're probably giving yourself false hope. What you need now is to block her completely or you won't be able to move on. Read the stickies and I guess you know what you need to do. You attracted her so you will be able to attract other people.

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Originally Posted by paxe

You're probably giving yourself false hope. What you need now is to block her completely or you won't be able to move on. Read the stickies and I guess you know what you need to do. You attracted her so you will be able to attract other people.

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I don't know if its false hope our not because she's clearly in a rebound relationship. It hurts, but if she realizes what she has in me then she'll come back, if not then it wasn't meant to be, but a few of my friends have gone through similar situations and sometimes it turned out good, other times it did not.

It usually never works to go back with an ex, trust me. It's much easier to find someone else and start something new. Beside, if she went with another guy you probably won't see her the same after that. Don't give yourself false hope and move on, she is doing it, why not you?

The same has just recently happened to me, I have deleted her of my Facebook and removed her phone number etc. This is the best way to try and move on.

I know I'm being stubborn, but I like thinking about her, it makes me happy, even though it hurts, and I was doing well before she starting this other guy, now I wonder if our whole relationship she was lying to me

Is this normal?
Sometimes I want to date other girls, and sometimes I get sick thinking about other girls. My ex and I have been talking as friends for the past couple of days.
Out of nowhere her mother called me yesterday and explained to me that I didn't take her out enough while we were dating, basically she felt like we didn't do enough stuff together, and this new person stepped in and started asking her to go out more, and he asked her out and she said yeah. She said she likes him but she doesn't like him to the point that she wants a serious relationship with him. I feel like if I could show her that I've grown up and am able to show her a better time then she'll come back if her current relationship doesn't work out, which optimistically it won't, hopefully, but at the same time, I'm not going to wait on her, if she comes back to me before I'm over her, then we should get back, but at the same time I'm preparing myself for any future relationship that I have.

Is it still okay for us to be friends?

Has anyone felt that when their relationship ended, they'd never find anyone else as beautiful, as smart, as loyal, as their ex, and then as time went on, and they moved on found someone who was more beautiful, smart, loyal, etc?

You still feel traumatized by the break up. Just give yourself more time to recover. You're in emotional turmoil right now, so let the feelings tone down before you worry about someone else.

As for your ex, stay away from being friends because you're just going to add to the confusion and have false hope, which is going to delay the recovery process.

Yes, of course, when some time passes on and you have allowed for complete detachment things will get easier. Just think how silly it sounds when you say you will never find someone like him or her... maybe you will find better?

Keep your chin up and spend time with family and friends.

I appreciate the advice, definitely not looking for anyone else at the moment, or in the foreseeable future, just something to think about.

As for not being friends with her, a lot of my friends said that it was childish to not want to be friends with her, and after I deleted her off Facebook she sent me a message saying that it was immature and very mean. And I don't want to come off as any of that because I don't really have any negative feelings towards her, so should I continue with NC or LC and keep her off Facebook?

Threads merged again

Keep her off Facebook. She's the one who sounds immature by telling you that it's mean. You need to recover from this break up and you need to take the necessary steps to do that. Otherwise you're just going to prolong the pain. Now tell me, how's that fair to you?

The fact that she contacted you is exactly why you need to stick to no contact, because her behavior is just going to confuse you more. You need to keep your distance without her influence so that you can see things for a more objective perspective.

Stick with no contact. Here are the rules if you haven't reviewed them already: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Man, the advice they are giving is good. You can read my recent question.

Tell her straight up... "I am not trying to be difficult, immature, or rude. No matter how I say this it may sound that way but trust me that I am not. Please don't call, text, or email me anymore. This is something I need."

AND DO NOT BE FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK OR ANY SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE

First off, sorry for the loss and pain. I for one have been there.

Now... wrap your mind around the fact that the relationship is over.

Your every post has been about your analysis of her actions and how it means you two are getting back together. You're relishing delusions and living in denial.

For your own sake look at the reality of the situation. You two broke up. She's seeing another guy and obviously getting some pleasure out of their interactions. If she really cared about you and the relationship I seriously doubt this would be happening don't you? Rebound or not SHE IS SEEING ANOTHER MAN AND ENJOYING HERSELF AND HIM.

I know this hurts… as I said been there, done that more than once. Yeah… yeah… I've heard all the stories from others about how, “we're soul mates”, “meant to be together”, and “there's nobody else who could ever…”

In my opinion you have two clear choices here… #1 you can keep pining over her reading into her every word and action that you're soul mates, blah… blah… blah… OR #2 You can take control of your emotional well being and take actions to move on with your life, e.g. drop her from Facebook, quit trying to be her friend, quit stalking, and getting a life.

Do yourself a favor… make the right choice.