[Kitkat22]

Hi, I am sorry for the late reply, I have been out distracting myself with friends and trying to revise. Didn't really work though.

I am just a complete confused mess and don't know what to think or believe. One person's telling me one thing, somebody else is telling me another, and it's so difficult to make up my own mind. I am just so confused about it all and really didn't expect these feelings to come back so strong and intense. This is all also mixed with the stress of anticipating the exam tomorrow so really I just feel like screaming and collapsing on the floor. I don't think tonight is a time to make any decisions so I am going to just see how I feel after my exam in two days. My heart is telling me one thing and my head another. I just can't cope with this stupid situation anymore.

Thanks both of you for your support, your words mean a lot to me and sorry for leaving you hanging all evening. I'll stay on here for a bit to chat if you are around.

Study.. with a friend. I wish you had someone you could stay with. I feel uneasy about him. I guess you have a lot of thinking to do. Read back over all the post. We're here for you... {{ HUGS}}... Kit

[positiveparent]

Hi Katie Pleased to know you're still with us, can we chat on here?

[Kitkat22]

Hi Katie Pleased to know youre still with us, can we chat on here??

Well the mods don't allow it. But use pm or IM.

[eveamee09]

Yes of course we can chat on here. Thanks, yes I wish I had somebody else too but unfortunately it's 23 past midnight and everyone else is asleep! I think that tomorrow I will read over the posts for a second time in detail and try to absorb fully what you're saying. It's hard because I feel like my emotions have muffled any type of rational thought at the moment, so like I said to Marianne in the email, after a good sleep I should think clearer tomorrow. Just all the love's come rushing back and the thought of "oh, what if he does change? What if he actually means it?" Even though I know that's stupid I can't help wondering it and wanting to give him another chance. Don't worry though, like I said tonight I feel very confused...

[Kitkat22]

Yes of course we can chat on here. Thanks, yes I wish I had somebody else too but unfortunately it's 23 past midnight and everyone else is asleep! I think that tomorrow I will read over the posts for a second time in detail and try to absorb fully what you're saying. It's hard because I feel like my emotions have muffled any type of rational thought at the moment, so like I said to Marianne in the email, after a good sleep I should think clearer tomorrow. Just all the love's come rushing back and the thought of "oh, what if he does change? What if he actually means it?" Even though I know that's stupid I can't help wondering it and wanting to give him another chance. Don't worry though, like I said tonight I feel very confused...

It would be like me trying to change my husband from a Republican to a democrat. He might try to think the way I wanted him too for a while and then when things got back to normal he would start acting like a Republican(bad analogy I know). I wouldn't change my beleifs as a Baptist and a christian for anyone. Think Katie... and sleep well... Kit

[eveamee09]

Kit I know you're right, I've just had a chat with my best friend Catherine and she's talked a bit of sense into me.. or rather I talked some into myself.. I hope tomorrow I see things more clearly. Have a lovely evening and appreciate your help. Night x

[eveamee09]

Hiya, woke up this morning feeling a lot more positive, I realise that the emotions of yesterday were taking over and that really deep down nothing has changed. Even if he promised to change, I am imagining (like somebody suggested) what he'd be like in 5 years' time, and he would most likely revert back to what he was like in the first place... also if he did agree to do things like letting me go clubbing etc he would still be a nervous wreck whilst I was out and either ring me every 5 minutes or interrogate me when I got back, so it just wouldn't be worth it. I do truly believe that he WANTS to change and means it, but I just don't think it's physically possible for somebody that radical to do so. Like you said Kit about the analogy of trying to change your husband - in the long-term it just wouldn't work.

My exam's in 2 hours so am going to go and finish off preparing for that. Have a nice day, speak later x

[positiveparent]

That's great knowing you feel more positive about things today.

From what I can see the bottom line is, you have 2 options open to yourself.

You can get back into this relationship, knowing what you can look forward to or you can end it and mean it, and focus on your University Degree, and put all thoughts of a relationship on hold for the time being, you have your whole life ahead of you, and in my opinion this time at Uni should be your time for focusing on your career plans.

Not spending night after night torturing yourself over a relationship that in my opinion based on personal experience is headed for disaster, and that's the only way to describe your relationship with this guy.

I believe you are aware of where this relationship will end up if you stick with or go back to it.

Katie you're young, and single, if you were my own Daughter, I would be advising you to forget about boyfriends and relationships for now, and to get out there, enjoy life, take the world by the ears and grab what you can, go see the world, get your degree, and live your life for you and only you, you can give your time and attention to having a relationship in say 5 or 10 years time, there's no rush, you have years before you need to spend hours deliberating over what would be a disastrous relationship.

Go out there and live your life to the full don't give it over to a relationship that's going to end in disaster.

If you live your life for you now by the time you get to thinking about a relationship you'll have gained so much experience you'll be more worldy wise, just think how much richer any future relationships you embark upon are going to be, don't give away your youth you only have it once make the most of it, and worry about love and romance in a few years time, There is no rush its not a race.

If I had my way on things I would want the age of consent for getting married raised to 30 for males and 28 for females, why? Because under these ages no one male or female is experienced enough or wise enough to be able to make a success of any romantic relationships, it would also give the youth of the world more time to focus on learning life skills and maturing enough to cope with relationships/marriage.

I reckon it would also cut down the divorce rate.

P.S. get yourself a BOB ( battery operated boyfriend) they're less hassle and always do as they're supposed to. LOL

[Kitkat22]

Thats great knowing you feel more positive about things today.

From what I can see the bottom line is, you have 2 options open to yourself.

You can get back into this relationship, knowing what you can look forward to or you can end it and mean it, and focus on your University Degree, and put all thoughts of a relationship on hold for the time being, you have your whole life ahead of you, and in my opinion this time at Uni should be your time for focusing on your career plans.

Not spending night after night torturing yourself over a relationship that in my opinion based on personal experience is headed for disaster, and thats the only way to describe your relationship with this guy.

I believe you are aware of where this relationship will end up if you stick with or go back to it.

Katie youre young, and single, if you were my own Daughter, I would be advising you to forget about boyfriends and relationships for now, and to get out there, enjoy life, take the world by the ears and grab what you can, go see the world, get your degree, and live your life for you and only you, you can give your time and attention to having a relationship in say 5 or 10 years time, theres no rush, you have years before you need to spend hours deliberating over what would be a disasterous relationship.

Go out there and live your life to the full dont give it over to a relationship thats going to end in disaster.

If you live your life for you now by the time you get to thinking about a relationship youll have gained so much experience youll be more worldy wise, just think how much richer any future relationships you embark upon are going to be, dont give away your youth you only have it once make the most of it, and worry about love and romance in a few years time, There is no rush its not a race.

If I had my way on things I would want the age of consent for getting married raised to 30 for males and 28 for females, why? because under these ages no one male or female is experienced enough or wise enough to be able to make a success of any romantic relationships, it would also give the youth of the world more time to focus on learning life skills and maturing enough to cope with relationships/marriage.

I reckon it would also cut down the divorce rate.

P.S. get yourself a BOB ( battery operated boyfriend) theyre less hassle and always do as theyre supposed to. LOL

Post when you need us.. We worry about you... Kit

[eveamee09]

Haha I want a BOB! He would be perfect for me! Do you know, I actually agree with everything you've just said. I think that at the age of 18 there are a lot more important things in life to worry about and stress over than men and love etc. especially when the person you are with isn't making you happy. You're right, I would love to be able to focus on things I want and things that make ME happy, and not worry about pleasing/disappointing him. Today I am feeling stronger and realise very much that yesterday my emotions were blocking my rational thought processes. I should really put my Psychology Degree here to good use and apply some of the theories to myself!

Yes, I know the relationship was heading for disaster, my rational mind knows that and knows that getting out now is definitely the best thing. However once your emotions come in they completely take control and thinking reasonably is very hard. That's why I think it's important to always wait and think rather than making rash decisions based on feelings alone. Deep down I know I am doing all this for a reason. My friend gave me some really good advice - she said to sit and think about all the possible ways he could react when I do see him and tell him that it's over. Like to consider all options - him getting very upset and crying, him screaming and getting angry... him trying to kiss me and talk me round.. him promising to change everything.. all sorts of things. That way it is unlikely that something will take me by surprise, and I'll be prepared for most things and know that even though I feel very emotional and want to give in I was expecting to feel this way and know how to deal with it. Does that make sense?

It's very easy to think like this now though when he's not sat in front of me trying to manipulate the situation!

The exam went really well today by the way so I'm feeling positive in that respect. Now to prepare for tomorrow!

I am also planning on getting back into belly dancing by the way and doing a few performances at some point, something he would never let me do before!

Really grateful for all your help still, I know I couldn't be thing positive without you and Kit helping me along. Thanks x

[eveamee09]

Thank you yes, much better! Up and down but better for now!

By the way, I forgot to mention that he told me he knew the password for my hotmail account, so he had been reading all the emails that you and I have sent each other, positiveparent. At first I was angry but then a little relieved as I hoped that he had got the message after reading what I've said to you about definitely wanting to break up with him. Unfortunately though he didn't seem to have accepted that point and still believes that I don't mean it, which is a bit of a worry as he appears to be very much in denial. Anyway, I am sorry if this has angered you as I know what we say to each other should be private, but unfortunately there is not much I could've done about it as I didn't know he had the password.

I have obviously changed the password now by the way and am sure he won't be able to see anymore.

[Kitkat22]

Thank you yes, much better! Up and down but better for now!

By the way, I forgot to mention that he told me he knew the password for my hotmail account, so he had been reading all the emails that you and I have sent eachother, positiveparent. At first I was angry but then a little relieved as I hoped that he had got the message after reading what I've said to you about definitely wanting to break up with him. Unfortunately though he didn't seem to have accepted that point and still believes that I don't mean it, which is a bit of a worry as he appears to be very much in denial. Anyway, I am sorry if this has angered you as I know what we say to eachother should be private, but unfortunately there is not much I could've done about it as I didn't know he had the password.

I have obviously changed the password now by the way and am sure he won't be able to see anymore.

He sounds like a total out of control fruitcake. Get a restarining order !

[positiveparent]

At least its good to know that you've at least got the handle on knowing what thinking positive is, many of the women I counsel in a woman's aid refuge don't have a clue, and think that they are positive thinkers, its such an eye opener to them when they finally catch on to what Positive Thinking really is.

So you're streets ahead already, it sounds to me like you've got a very sensible and realistic head on your shoulders already, and that's great.

You're going to become one wise woman Katie Congratulations.

I assume with your taking psychology you'll go into counselling/psycho analysis etc? Well seems to me you're taking the right degree, and consider this experience as another learning curve, like a hands on experience.

Life is one long lesson, just when you get it in one area another experience comes along and you then have to get that one, and the next and so it goes on.

If I had known 10 years ago what I know now I couldve ruled the world. LOL

Also remember whatever hurts you most makes you stronger.

If you want any psychology papers, thesis, methods etc, Ive got a ton, from Gestalt, to Jung to Frued, I can send you them no problem.

Have to admit though all the psychology degrees in the world won't prepare a person for some of the lessons life throws at us, but having knowledge in this area can and does help one get through them.

You're doing good.
Keep On Keeping On.

Just read your latest post here, Im not bothered about him reading anything Ive sent to you, its true so no problem, but let that be another red flag to you he's invading your privacy that's typical of a control freak, Ill send you details later of an email that is very private free and encrypted,so if you get one of them he will have no hope of hacking into it, inform hotmail he's hacked your account I would.

[eveamee09]

Thanks, that's very useful information, and I'll bear that in mine about the papers you've mentioned, especially Freud's stuff as he is definitely very interesting! Yes I'm doing a Psychology Degree, am at a good University too so really enjoying it! My plan is to branch into Clinical eventually, but I'm fully aware of how competitive it is and that it can take years and years to get onto the PhD course. Have done quite a bit of work experience though (in care homes and with children etc, also just did a very helpful counselling course which was good) so am staying hopeful! Did you do a degree in Psychology then, or have a career in that area? Counselling for Woman's Aid must be an absolutely amazing experience, but also very difficult.. I envy somebody who has the strength to cope with that!

And you're right, it's hard to apply things to your own life situations when you're the one who's actually going though them.. advising others is so much easier as I'm sure you know!

[Kitkat22]

At least its good to know that youve at least got the handle on knowing what thinking positive is, many of the women I counsel in a womans aid refuge dont have a clue, and think that they are positive thinkers, its such an eye opener to them when they finally catch on to what Positive Thinking really is.

So youre streets ahead already, it sounds to me like youve got a very sensible and realistic head on your shoulders already, and thats great.

Youre gopng to become one wise woman Katie Congratulations.

I assume with your taking psychology youll go into counselling/psycho analysis etc? well seems to me youre taking the right degree, and consider this experience as another learning curve, like a hands on experience.

Life is one long lesson, just when you get it in one area another experience comes along and you then have to get that one, and the next and so it goes on.

If I had known 10 years ago what I know now I couldve ruled the world. LOL

Also remember whatever hurts you most makes you stronger.

If you want any psychology papers, thesis, methods etc, Ive got a ton, from Gestalt, to Jung to Frued, I can send you them no problem.

Have to admit though all the psychology degrees in the world wont prepare a person for some of the lessons life throws at us, but having knowledge in this area can and does help one get through them.

Youre doing good.
Keep On Keepin On.

Katie... I will be your first patient. I'm sitting here with my grandsons watching VHI classic videos. My sweeties are on the floor laughing their butts off because I like David Bowie.. "Space Odyssey".

There are a few I will not watch nor do I let them watch. I love Bono and Pink Floyd... Oh well.. you all have a good weekend and here is a BIG HUG to you both. Katie get some garlic and a cross to put on your door... Kidding... Kit

[eveamee09]

Haha that sounds like lots of fun, I'm glad you are enjoying yourself! Thank you, have a wonderful weekend too with your Grandsons and hugs back to you as well. I do think you are rather sane though so not sure you'll be needing anybody's help! Hehe enjoy xx

[positiveparent]

Yes I did the degree course, for 5 years start to finish didn't go on for the Doctorate, but got the B Sc, in it. I counsel women who have left violent relationships, on a voluntary basis for now, I may go into it on a more full time basis when my youngest is in full time education, or at least the hours he will be at school.

Hes 4 now so will have to make up my mind soonish LOL...

I also have first hand experience of being in a violent relationship so that really helps, both myself and the women, they at least know I have been there so Im not just quoting from a text book.

I also spend time on myself everyday ensuring I stay positive and focused in my outlook to life and its situations.

Yes not responding immediately is very good and it will help you deal with your own emotions and how to control them or put them to effective use as opposed to destructive.

I knew you were on the road to becoming a wise woman. Yep...

[eveamee09]

Wow you have done so much.. counselling vulnerable women like that must be a very helpful and also rewarding thing to do, especially when you know that you've helped them through a difficult time and supported them so much that it's given them the strength to move forward. It's odd that we're both doing the same type of degree, I'd never have expected it! And your son must be so gorgeous, it will be weird for you when he starts school and isn't home all the time!

Yes, having been involved in the same thing that you're advising people about really is good. It's annoying when you talk to people sometimes who think they know exactly how you're feeling and exactly what you should do when really they have no idea as they've never been through anything remotely similar. That's why this site is so good as most of the people giving advice here have also been through a difficult break-up, or worse, so can give good and meaningful opinions.

Right I had better actually get on with some revision otherwise I'll never make it as a Psychologist! Tomorrow is the Psychology in Context exam so there's a lot of Developmental and History in their.. Freud will be mentioned! Speak soon :)

[positiveparent]

Kat I envy you having Grankids, my eldest Son is Married but they don't plan on having any babies, she's too career minded and has no intentions of birthing out any grankids for me, woe, she's italian too, that's a turn up for the books, an Italian with no desire for babies, Drat, I felt sure Id have a ton of them.

Ive got 2 more Sons though ages 13 and 4 so maybe in the future, just hope Im not too old by then to enjoy them, I quite like the idea of spoiling them rotten LOL...

[Kitkat22]

My joy, my heart and my world is my family. God blessed me beyond anything I could ever imagine. My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me.

My children and grandcchildren... there's nothing I could ever say to thank the Lord enough. There will be grandchildren in your life.. wait and see.. . Hugs... Kit