[bjohnrupp]

but i think that's been happening. because back in sep when we took that break, then broke up. well when we got back together from that point on until the breakup around thanksgiving. i kind of was seeing things a tad differently. like, do i see a future. we have no plans. etc.

I guess I wish I could really know if it was real, i felt it was, but now when I look back, and I question a few things.. which i didnt before, but when i read other peoples post and they have ex of cheating for quite some time, it's like, wow.

You know what WN2009 still to this day (and its been 4 months) I question things. You're probably going to for quite some time. Just this morning I started thinking of when my ex may have started cheating (its usually when they don't care if you have sex or not anymore)

I know what you're saying about knowing if its real. Have you ever heard the saying "its better to have loved then never to have loved at all"? You loved her and that's really all that matters. However, in the future keep an eye on her actions to make sure the love is reciprocated.

Did she always seem happy to see you when you first got to her house? Was she in a good mood/happy when you would go places with her? The thing is we could question things for the next 3 years but they won't change anything and it won't help us move on with our lives.

[whatsnext2009]

Yeah that's what I was getting at . The reciprocation of love. Was it really a front from her end? Then making sure you're sure of things when you get into another relationship.

She seemed to be happy yeah, till the last few weeks I guess. She loved going places and doing wholesome things.

I looked at her profile pictures of us on fb and she removed them (hahah she's not my friend but I snooped a little). Welp, that's my OK she's not coming back for good.

And she knows I won't make contact. So if she sends me something on christmas, I'm most probably going to ignore it. Or say something like cheaters celebrate christmas? Awesome.

Lol

[amicon]

I'd just ignore any Xmas greetings should they arrive-complete silence is pure gold.

[whatsnext2009]

I think what people don't realize with the whole NC thing is that, once/if they do contact you, and the ball is in your court, meaning you don't respond back, it will make you feel better about the situation.

[amicon]

I understand where you're coming from but sometimes them getting in touch,if they ever do, can start the what ifs and the whole false hope thing again.
The beauty of 100
% NC and sticking to it,is that you stop that confusion and you recover more quickly.

[bjohnrupp]

Yeah that's what i was getting at . The reciprocation of love. Was it really a front from her end? then making sure you're sure of things when you get into another relationship.

she seemed to be happy yeah, till the last few weeks i guess. she loved going places and doing wholesome things.

i looked at her profile pictures of us on fb and she removed them (hahah shes not my friend but i snooped a little). welp, that's my OK shes not coming back for good.

and she knows i won't make contact. so if she sends me something on christmas, i'm most probably going to ignore it. or say something like cheaters celebrate christmas? awesome.

lol

Not that I'm going to look at my ex's Facebook but how did you see your ex's fb if you're not one of her friends?

My ex's birthday just passed and I never acknowledged it. I still don't know what to do if she sends a "mERRY cHRISTMAS" text- I guess I'll ignore it but it won't be easy. I know the smart thing to do is ignore any Christmas or New Years texts from our ex's but I would still at least like to be friends with my ex- I don't know :confused:

That last line how you said you'll say something like "cheaters celebrate Christmas"- you should send that... guaranteed she'll leave you alone for a long time! The one time I talked to my ex on Yahoo IM I said all kinds of things like that-(telling her once a cheater always a cheater.. etc.)It did make me feel a lot better. She must have denied cheating like 50 times but when a girls a self proclaimed nympho like her and then sex doesn't matter anymore- she had to be getting it from somewhere else.:rolleyes:

[amicon]

I'd say calling the cheater a cheater might make you feel better for a while,but I don't think that feeling lasts very long.
I think a dignified silence is the best policy.

[bjohnrupp]

I'd say calling the cheater a cheater might make you feel better for a while,but I don't think that feeling lasts very long.
I think a dignified silence is the best policy.

You're right Amicon- I was wrong in saying he should send it. It really wouldn't do any good except to stir up a big argument. Ex'es are always going to deny cheating anyway so even if you're 99% sure they cheated- if you don't have proof- accusing them won't get you anywhere I realized

[whatsnext2009]

John,

If you click on her profile (say from a friends) FB is stupid and tried to introduce new privacy settings. Well. Now anyone can see your profile pictures, regardless if your friend or not. You have to explicity put them on your block list to disable that. I think.

Yeah, I've decided no contact. I've been doing awesome actually. I don't really miss her. Now I think I missed the concept of her, but too many things that would have prevented anything major from happening between us in the next 2 years. So we would have hit a plateau, or maybe she saw we did and didn't want to go any further so poof, she's off.

Ill always assume/live with the fact that she cheated on me. Not that it's the easy way out, nor will I ever find out, but my gut feeling says this is why.

[bjohnrupp]

Hey man, I'm glad to hear you're doing better. So how long has it been that you two have been broken up?

Your situation is probably the most similar to mine on this whols site being the fact our ex'es were 90 miles away and they both were cheating on us and they both went back to ex'es from 4 years ago.

I'll also always assume/live with the fact she was cheating on me. The thing that gets me so mad is I don't know how long she was cheating on me and with how many different guys. I would assume at least 2 or 3 guys and I'm thinking 3-5 months she was cheating. She told me when we met she cheated on her last boyfriend for the last 6 months of their relationship!

Anyway the only thing I struggle with is if I should tell her I know she was cheating just because I get so mad when I think of how I treated her like gold and she would do that behind my back.

I'll know for next time that as soon as a girl becomes a little distant or doesn't care if you have sex with them or not- then they're probably cheating.

[whatsnext2009]

We broke up just before thanksgiving.

Now we broke before around sep, so I think ever since then I deep inside didn't feel the same.. like was expecting it to end, or her to mess up somehow.

I mean I don't know if she cheated, its hard to say if I suspect it, but eh. When I was always with her and talked to her so much its hard to see when she could cheat lol..

[whatsnext2009]

She texted me. The message was thanking me for helping her with this class over the semester, as she did extremely well in it.

I, deleted the message. Lol. Maybe that was her I feel bad message to me.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...in-421743.html

Let this go guy, as its getting really confusing going back and forth with two open posts about two different people. If your not ready to let go of the ex, and end this chapter, why run after other girls??

[whatsnext2009]

Wait. Talanman.

In what way did I give the message I still had feelings for or was hoping this X girl would come back.. When she texted me I simply deleted it, no feelings.

[talaniman]

Then lets close this thread as you have moved on, and there is no further need for advice or input.

[whatsnext2009]

Lol okay.. but I didn't realize threads got closed..

[talaniman]

You are pursuing another girl now so what would be the point of revisiting the ex again? Don't worry as threads can be closed, they can be opened and merged if need be.