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bwgv · Mar 22, 2009, 09:47 PM

Been dating a girl for almost two years long distance and she was totally in loved with me and I love her but never really showed it and she got more and more fustrated with me, and finally she said she needed space to concentrate on getting her priorities back that have been slipping during this. We were about 2 months away from finally going to be together and in the same city ( she got a job here). Any advise on what to do here. She is not responding to me and now I have been doing no contact as well. IS this the best thing being that I never gave her what she wanted. She knows I care but just don't say it. Any advice?

none12345 · Mar 22, 2009, 10:46 PM

Well dude I have just come out of a long distance relationship. Personally many people would suggest no contact. But I think it would be better to talk it out because lack of communication or improper communication is a factor in long distance relationship. Try to talk to things out if she is willing to contact you.

If she is trying to avoid her than give her the no contact but don't appear needy. Don't call her more than once a day and wait a few days before calling her again if you feel like calling her. Long distance relationship is really hard man. I know. You never know what's going on on her side.

Maybe she's found another guy? Its just a possibility I'm not trying to put anything in your mind but you got to think of stuff like this. My ex fell for another guy and didn't tell me till afterwards I found out... Anyway best of luck buddy feel free to post back ill be here for you if you need someone to talk to.

bwgv · Mar 23, 2009, 06:44 AM

After it all happened I let it be for a couple of days then wrote an email saying how I feel and why I wasn't ommunicating well, wasn't begging or pleading just an email about the problems, and told her to think it over and she if this is what she really wanted and I received no response, yet then about a week later I called and left a message saying that I wasn't sorry and I will leave her alone.

Its true she could be with someone else but highly unlikely being that she is a long term thinker and wouldn't date anyone knowing that she is going to be moving away in 2 months, and do the long distance thing all over again. But who knows

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 06:53 AM

Long distance relationships are really difficult. If you don't keep up constant communication, you will feel very distant. Sound likes the two of you have unfinished business. If she's not picking up your call, you're going to have to write an email explaining how you feel.

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 07:02 AM

Best thing is to let it go, you wrote your piece and then she didn't respond. It appears to me that silence speaks louder than words. Read the stickies at the top of the forum and go strict NC and let yourself heal

bwgv · Mar 23, 2009, 07:27 AM

She knows how much I care, she's the type that has to hear all the time. Im letting it go for now but, when she moves down here should we maybe try for it again and see if there is anything still there and would that just be delaying the inevitiable

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 07:35 AM

Sounds like you have a lot of unresolved issues. You're definitely going to have to speak to her about how you feel eventually. So find an opportune time and go for it.

bwgv · Mar 23, 2009, 07:57 AM

Yes I know. But do I break no contact no and not give her the space she said she wanted. Should I wait a few weeks before I contact her. And give her time to think and maybe miss me before try to re-establish contact. She's made it clear that she does not want to contact me right now. And doing no contact also

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 08:09 AM

Well if that's what she said, then you'll just have to wait.

If you really can't take it, then write an email instead.

jmw0713 · Mar 23, 2009, 12:29 PM

If she wants to get back with you, she will find a way to contact you.

In the mean time you must not wait around and proceed forward with the notion that she is not coming back. Time to go out and build your life back to the way you want, so that you're happy with yourself.

She is doing her thing. It is now time to do yours.

Stick with NC. She doesn't want to talk to you right now. Honor her request for a break/space and do your own thing.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 03:25 PM

Do you expect a partner to stay, when your not doing your part to keep her in your corner?

Do as she says, and leave her alone. Its time to build a life without her in it. If she changes her mind, she will let you know, if not..!

bwgv · Mar 23, 2009, 04:08 PM

I just like I need to do something. She broke it off cause I wasn't showing her much. And I just feel like if I not contact her and getting things out that need to be said about how I feel. It will just reafirm her point that I really don't care, when I really do I feel ike she is unsure about it all a maybe I need to show her I care and not be passive about it. If I do that it fail then I know I have done all I can and move on

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 04:13 PM

Its your heart to be broken, and your time to waste. You haven't presented facts to change things though. It's a case of too little, too late.

none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 10:14 PM

Well let me share something with you I don't know maybe its just a one case thing and people might bash me for saying this but when me and my ex were together in a long distance relationship, I wrote her long emails explaining thestuff I did and mass texted her and than she would call me and tell me that no matter how hard she tries she can't not contact me and would like to work things out.

Maybe it's a good idea to let her know you care do something romantic for her like send her a hand written letter or flowers or something because you haven't been showing her anything.

OR

Keep with the no contact and let her contact you if she wants and until than do stuff for yourself basically its up to you what you want to do.

bwgv · May 1, 2009, 07:24 AM

Threads merged and edited

Now I hear she is seeing someone else but why when she going to be leaving soon? At first she said she wasn't but I makes sense, the month before she stop answering phone calls and be a lot more distance, was she seeing this guy during this time? After the break up she wouldn't even talk or respond to me at all complete cold shoulder. Seems like she wanted me to break up with her so she wouldn't feel guilty, I have not tried to contact her after I called her out about lying and seeing someone else(never got a reply from her about this either) I know this guy and he seems like a good guy, but will it last since she moving again, and help or advice on what to do and not to do. Not sure they are a couple but are definitely seeing each other. I know what went wrong, it was the distance and me not being there to give her love and affection, and now she is filling the void.

Romefalls19 · May 1, 2009, 07:44 AM

You need to stop trying to hear things. When I started seeing my fiancé, I would hear all types of crap about her dating another guy at work and it would get me angry. My dad noticed this and told me to go listen to the song "Take it on the run" by REO Speedwagon, at first listen you think the opposite of the meaning, but after the second time you realize that rumors only spread because they are better than the truth.

What you need to do is go no contact, don't talk to anyone who is in contact with her and read the stickies at the top of the forum.

bwgv · May 1, 2009, 08:20 AM

Yeah I'm doing the no contact, and I am sticking to it. I guess the hard thing for me is her not talking to me about it, I want to learn as much as I can from the relationship to so I better my next one and not make the same mistakes, only thing she told me was I didn't put her up on a pedastool and constantly say I love you. Which is hard when you are miles apart

Romefalls19 · May 1, 2009, 08:33 AM

Nobody should be put on a pedestal, you only set yourself and your partner up for disaster. Just enjoy the relationship

bwgv · May 1, 2009, 12:19 PM

I agree, I did my best to make her happy given our situation, I'm glad I found out now versus later that things just work not going to work out the way we had planned. I tried to nice about the whole situation but that was doing me no good and that I'm not a doormat, so I said what I needed to say, wished her the best and told her not to contact me again

talaniman · May 1, 2009, 12:46 PM

The funny things about learning life lessons, is we only figure things out after the misery, and pain, is over with. Till then... who thinks straight? I sure didn't. Give yourself some time without her influence.