[positiveparent]

I think he's just using another form of emotional blackmail type tactic, as in wanting you to think he's really OK with the break up, so then you'll begin wondering , why is he acting so civilised, and cool about things, oh perhaps he really is happy with the split.

This then causing you to start questioning have you made right decision blah blah,

However you did good you signed out of Facebook, Top Marks *♥*♥*♥* ( big stars for you)

I think you've got it , yes by jove you've got it . WooHoo

I replied to your hotmail account, did you get it? :confused:

:):):)

[eveamee09]

I think hes just using another form of emotional blackmail type tactic, as in wanting you to think hes really OK with the break up, so then youll begin wondering , why is he acting so civilised, and cool about things, oh perhaps he really is happy with the split.

This then causing you to start questioning have you made right decision blah blah,

However you did good you signed out of facebook, Top Marks *♥*♥*♥* ( big stars for you)

I think youve got it , yes by jove youve got it . WooHoo

I replied to your hotmail account, did you get it ??:confused:

:):):)

Hiya, yes you are so right! Suddenly I was actually questioning in my mind if I'm doing the right thing, like I know I am really but a part of me was like "oh well perhaps there's a chance he will treat me differently after all this".. but NO I know that's not true (even though he will try to persuade me it is).. I know that I'm doing this for a reason because I was so unhappy and this is the right thing for a positive future! So I am pleased that I ignored it and I enjoyed myself today in the pool wearing normal swimwear rather than the silly shorts and t-shirt I used to wear because of him. :)

And nope I never did get it, I have been checking it quite a lot but nothing there! I even checked my deleted mail box and there's nothing there from you either. Sorry, I'm confused too!

Off to the library now for some more revision, take care

[Kitkat22]

Sounds like you're doing good... I'm so gald... Wow I was worried about you there for a while.

I'm going to get up from my desk find my IPOD and put on "I Will Survive"...

My husband is going to think I've lost it when I go dancing into the garage in my bell bottoms and an old rolling stones Tshirt... I feel great... you are free of this guy!

[eveamee09]

Haha Kit I wish I was there to see it! And funny you should say that about that song.. I've been listening to "I Will Survive" practically every day on YouTube, it's a really great uplifting song! I feel pleased too, and couldn't have got this far without everybody's help. Have a great evening, off to bed now after having lots of fun chatting to some friends and laughing so much that my stomach now hurts! Hehe sleep well x

[positiveparent]

I feel I should forewarn you that you are going to get days where you will need all of your strength and resolve to stop yourself from being tempted to go back to him.

At those times I suggest you go out window shopping or if you can afford to go out and treat yourself, buy a new dress or something or even just go buy yourself a cream cake lol, just do anything that helps you overcome the temptation.

I also recommend you change your phone number, ASAP, this will stop you getting tempted if he texts you, or phones you.

Go out with your g/friends, but be careful to avoid places you went to with him, or where you know he may frequent, if you can afford it buy yourself some new clothes or if not put any that he may have given to you at the back of your wardrobe until you're more able to wear them without thinking of the occasions when you wore them with him.

Put any letters or cards or photos you have of him or the two of you together in a box and put them in the loft, you can of course burn them or shred them, but if you don't feel up to doing this just put them out of reach. Or easy access.

Change something about yourself in some way, i.e. if you have long straight hair try wearing it curled, or up on top of your head, in some way that's different, it'll help you feel better and good about yourself, or you could colour your hair, or start wearing a different colour lip gloss/stick, wear or stop wearing eye liner, just something subtle, it all helps.

Go out and flirt outrageously.

Im sure you'll soon find that it all gets much easier, in no time at all.

A year from now or less you'll wonder what the fuss was all about. Im sure you will.

Anyway you've got 2 more Mums now to help you over this. You can't lose

Not sure about the rolling stones, Im more into Paul Van Dyk, or Paul Oakenfold myself.

Yep Im a party animal.

A recycled Teenager...

[Kitkat22]

I feel I should forewarn you that you are going to get days where you will need all of your strength and resolve to stop yourself from being tempted to go back to him.

At those times I suggest you go out window shopping or if you can afford to go out and treat yourself, buy a new dress or something or even just go buy yourself a cream cake lol, just do anything that helps you overcome the temptation.

I also recommend you change your phone number, ASAP, this will stop you getting tempted if he texts you, or phones you.

Go out with your g/friends, but be careful to avoid places you went to with him, or where you know he may frequent, if you can afford it buy yourself some new clothes or if not put any that he may have given to you at the back of your wardrobe until youre more able to wear them without thinking of the occasions when you wore them with him.

Put any letters or cards or photos you have of him or the two of you together in a box and put them in the loft, you can of course burn them or shred them, but if you dont feel up to doing this just put them out of reach. Or easy access.

Change something about yourself in some way, i.e. if you have long straight hair try wearing it curled, or up on top of your head, in some way thats different, itll help you feel better and good about yourself, or you could colour your hair, or start wearing a different colour lip gloss/stick, wear or stop wearing eye liner, just something subtle, it all helps.

Go out and flirt outrageously.

Im sure youll soon find that it all gets much easier, in no time at all.

A year from now or less youll wonder what the fuss was all about. Im sure you will.

Anyway youve got 2 more Mums now to help you over this. You can't lose

Not sure about the rolling stones, Im more into Paul Van Dyk, or Paul Oakenfold myself.

Yep Im a party animal.

A recycled Teenager...

I'm so proud ! Our girl is going to make it through this.:cool: Evemee another great song... "You're No Good" by Linda Ronstadt... old song.

[eveamee09]

I'm so proud ! Our girl is going to make it through this.:cool: Evemee another great song..."You're No Good" by Linda Ronstadt....old song.

I am trying my best :) Thanks I will listen to the song now.. trying to think positive! And love the advice from positiveparent above... I will take time to go shopping once exams are over and buy some nice things for myself. All the Valentine's cards etc are now safely away in a draw and will be moved somewhere else far away when I get home. And I'm avoiding the gym where I met him at all costs!

[Kitkat22]

I am trying my best :) Thanks I will listen to the song now.. trying to think positive! And love the advice from positiveparent above... I will take time to go shopping once exams are over and buy some nice things for myself. All the Valentine's cards etc are now safely away in a draw and will be moved somewhere else far away when I get home. And I'm avoiding the gym where I met him at all costs!

Keep it up... You're doing great!:D

[positiveparent]

Something to help out maybe.

[positiveparent]

Of course you could always watch this video which I think is hilarious. Check Out

YouTube - divine - you think you're a man

[Kitkat22]

of course you could always watch this video which I think is hilarious. Check Out

YouTube - divine - you think you're a man

It is... :D

[eveamee09]

Oh my GOSH. Something unexpected and not good has happened. I am so upset and so utterly fed up with this whole thing now.

So I'm on the computer going about business as normal, then suddenly out of the blue my boyfriend's friend calls me. She says basically that "he's in a really bad way.. going absolutely crazy.. doesn't know what's going on.. do you want to be with him/don't you want to be with him.. you need to talk to him". So obviously I am very worried and concerned, but I tell her that him and I can't talk until after exams as I'm stressed enough as it is.

Next thing I know my boyfriend is bombarding me with messages on Facebook chat. "Katie, I have to talk to you.. Katie please stop all this ignoring.. I can't stand it.. I'm going mad.." etc etc. I have her on the other end of the phone demanding I speak to him, so I instant message him back just to wait a minute. I finish the phone conversation with her and then begin speaking to him on Facebook. He said most of what I predicted really - "I have been doing so much thinking/soul-searching, realised how awful and controlling I've been.. no wonder you've been so upset.. I've been so over the top... I feel awful... I love you with all of my heart.. you are the one.." etc etc. Everything I expected. Very convincing he was. I actually believe that what he's saying is true - although I know that it would only be that way for a few months, and eventually his old ways would creep back.

But anyway, so this conversation went on and on, getting nowhere, me saying that we can't talk right now because I'm revising, him sometimes demanding answers: "do you want to be with me? Is it true that you've had enough?" and sometimes telling me to take my time and think about it and that we'll speak later. Thing is, I know it's selfish but I can't tell him the truth right now, because he wouldn't believe me and would hassle me constantly with phonecalls/texts which would equal terrible stress for both of us (I have an exam tomorrow). So instead I told him that I need time to think, that we should be friends for now and continue not talking until after exams. Eventually he agreed and apologised and told me to go and revise and that he was sorry for disturbing me, but he had been having a bad panic attack and gave into the urge to call. I advised him to go back to his Mum's home instead of being in his flat on his own, and to spend time with family and friends for now. He said he's probably going to go to Egypt tomorrow (where his Dad's side of the fam live).

So the conversation ended, with nothing being solved, me feeling awful again (all those original feelings I felt a week ago of anxiety, pain, guilt and really really missing him) and then on the other hand knowing I have to hold it all together for the next week until these exams are out the way.

Even though I have just spoken to him and heard his promises, I still feel strong with my decision. I still know it's the best thing. I also have humungous urges to go back to him though. I really do. I want to believe that he will change, I want to believe that our love is so strong it will last forever. I truly want to believe that and just give in.

But I feel like I would be letting SO many people down if I did, not to mention myself. My whole family, my friends and also everybody on here. Why did this have to happen? Why is this so hard? I know we've been over this before but it all feels so raw again. I am trying very hard to stay strong. I still have urges even now to phone him back and be comforted but I know it's not the right thing to do. I love him dearly and talking to him again has made me miss him even more.

Sorry I think I just needed to get all my feelings out in words to make myself feel better. I just don't know how I'm going to find the strength to do this. Once he's gone he's gone, and can't stand the thought of missing him forever and never again experiencing those amazing close things we've shared.

Why did I have to fall in love with someone who was so bad for me! Why! He is such a lovely caring person and loves me so much... ARGHHHHHHHHH

Okay I am going to my friend's house now to talk to her about it. I can't just sit here on my own! I will try and get some revision done there. Thanks everybody, and sorry to have let you down by talking to him, but at the time there really was no other option. I'll be back here in a few hours' time.

[talaniman]

His actions and your reactions have changed nothing, just stirred up old feelings, and exposed the same raw wound, that was there before.

Stay on your path of NC, and let him go to Egypt, or wherever he wants to deal with his own feelings.

Such emotional responses very seldom are based in fact, nor are they rational.

Nothing has changed, just the level of the drama. Should have just told him to get over himself and leave you alone.*

*Copy and paste this backward on your forehead, to remind you of what to do every time you look in the mirror.

[Kitkat22]

Ok... We knew this would happen , right?. You said a few days you thought he might do this right?

You still have feelings for him and that's normal. You have come so far and we knew this was going to happen.

Don't be swayed... he's ashamed to let his family in Egypt know "his little woman", is no longer dancing to his tune.

Get control of yourself and don't talk to him. Rememember "I Will Survive"? You've been doing a darn good job of it in the last couple of weeks.

Tal gave you some good advise and listen... don't let yourself regress back to the mess you were when you first came here.

He's feeling the control slipping away and he can't stand it. Block him from everything. To heck with his exams... break it off now.

He's a big boy and you have outgrown his bullying, demanding,
Hot tempered, jealous, demeaning
Ways. Don't you call him... Please

P.S You ought to see me when I'm really mad:eek:

[positiveparent]

OK I feel its time to possibly be cruel to be kind.

I truly feel that instead of saying you can't tell him you're over and done with him yet because of this or that, you need to go tell him what is what and NOW, you aren't being fair to him if he isn't aware as such of your intentions, and whilst he's not aware then you won't get anywhere with this NC stuff, because lets face it the guy has heard you say you're not happy with things, BUT you Haven't told him you want to end your relationship with him, he's bound to wonder what's going on.

So whilst you're into the NC stuff, he's wondering what the hell is going on.

Really you have got to tell him what you're doing and why there's no such word as cant, you can tell him and you must do so now, you aren't being fair to yourself or him, its OK saying you'll tell him in 2 or 3 weeks time, great, in which time you'll have a trial run at NC, knowing he doesn't know, which indirectly means you've given yourself a safety net and time for a trial run of NC, which gives you time to either back out or go back, he wouldn't be any the wiser.

Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today, Really the time for stalling has ended you really must tell him your intentions and why, and then walk away don't look back, but until he knows your plans he's got no idea that he's for now at least history so he will make emotional displays and possibly demands too, you can't keep him on a string that's not fair to either of you, its got to be a clean break, or it won't do either of you any good.

Please if you want to end it with this guy you've got to tell him that you are. Now Please.

If you decide not to go through with this, you won't have let me down, I would respect your decision and leave it at that, you've got to live your life for you no one else, those who care about you won't condemn you or say anything bad about you or to you, some may be disappointed but its human nature peoples relationships are on and off on occasion, so don't worry what others want you to do, you have to do whatever you do for you, and only you. Ill stick by you whatever you choose to do, but know you are responsible for your choices and the outcome of those choices good or bad.

Choose what you want for YOU..

[Kitkat22]

OK I feel its time to possibly be cruel to be kind.

I truly feel that instead of saying you can't tell him youre over and done with him yet because of this or that, you need to go tell him what is what and NOW, you arent being fair to him if he isnt aware as such of your intentions, and whilst hes not aware then you wont get anywhere with this NC stuff, because lets face it the guy has heard you say youre not happy with things, BUT you Havent told him you want to end your relationship with him, hes bound to wonder whats going on.

so whilst youre into the NC stuff, hes wondering what the hell is going on.

Really you have got to tell him what youre doing and why theres no such


word as cant, you can tell him and you must do so now, you arent being fair to yourself or him, its OK saying youll tell him in 2 or 3 weeks time, great, in which time youll have a trial run at NC, knowing he doesnt know, which indirectly means youve given yourself a safety net and time for a trial run of NC, which gives you time to either back out or go back, he wouldnt be any the wiser.

Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today, Really the time for stalling has ended you really must tell him your intentions and why, and then walk away dont look back, but until he knows your plans hes got no idea that hes for now at least history so he will make emotional displays and possibly demands too, you can't keep him on a string thats not fair to either of you, its got to be a clean break, or it wont do either of you any good.

Please if you want to end it with this guy youve got to tell him that you are. Now Please.

If you decide not to go through with this, you wont have let me down, I would respect your decision and leave it at that, youve got to live your life for you no one else, those who care about you wont condemn you or say anything bad about you or to you, some may be disappointed but its human nature peoples relationships are on and off on occasion, so dont worry what others want you to do, you have to do whatever you do for you, and only you. Ill stick by you whatever you choose to do, but know you are responsible for your choices and the outcome of those choices good or bad.

Choose what you want for YOU..

I believe he will never change. He was raised in a culture that has been instilled in him. Katie.. think about this. I know you love him and he'll promise anything to get you back. If you do go back , picyure yourself and him five years from now... Kit

[positiveparent]

Katie know this if you don't sort this out and let him know what you're intentions are, then that could just be something you end up living to regret, because finding out you've in his mind at least played with him, could push him one step too far, and he could turn nasty towards you, thinking that you've maybe been using him or similar.

A Mans Pride and Ego don't take kindly to being dented.

[positiveparent]

Kits spot on he won't change, Leopards never change their spots they merely re-arrange them.

He may promise you the earth, swear on a stack of bibles or islam equivalent and possibly really mean it at the time, but believe me, he will revert to type its ingrained in him, he's a control freak, a negative entity, and they always get worse with age.

Since being with him going on what you've told us in these posts, you've had a sneak peak into Domsetic Violence, a mild form maybe but domestic violence all the same, so just ask yourself, do you want him telling you who you can or cannot mix with, or for him to accuse you of screwing any male over 5 years old, to accuse you of making him act like he does, and its all your fault if it wasn't for your stupidity and not listening to him it wouldn't be happening.

Do you want him calling you a slut telling you you're a useless person and that if you report him to the police no one will believe you because everyone knows you're sick and a liar a slut whore tart, tramp, and if you have kids hell ridicule you in front of them, tell you you're a useless Mother, and wife, do exactly what he wants whilst you dread him walking through the door at night after he's had a skinful of beer, and forget about having headaches, hell just take what he wants when he wants it, Because you're his property, and he is entitled

Don't kid yourself it won't happen to you, because on what you've told us he's already well on the way, do you want to tell your family oh I walked into a door, for the umpteenth time. Because he blacked your eyes.

Did you also know 90% of all murders are Domestic between man and wife usually, because they are.

I was lucky I managed to escape eventually after 7 years of being his piece of trash, who couldn't have any friends because they were all tramps. My family were low lifes I was scum, and more much more.

Oh but as soon as I managed to get away he became a snivvelling little wimp again, because that's what he really was, a big hard man who could only beat his 5ft 1inch 8stone wife up, but ran for the hills if he thought a Man may confront him. Yes he was hard to look at without laughing.

Oh and hell keep you barefoot and broke as the saying goes.

Stick with your ex and the above is what you can look forward to. So do you want to be treated well or without hope. You choose.

[Kitkat22]

Kits spot on he wont change, Leopards never change their spots they merely re-arrange them.

He may promise you the earth, swear on a stack of bibles or islam equivalent and possibly really mean it at the time, but believe me, he will revert to type its ingrained in him, hes a control freak, a negative entity, and they always get worse with age.

Since being with him going on what youve told us in these posts, youve had a sneak peak into Domsetic Violence, a mild form maybe but domestic violence all the same, so just ask yourself, do you want him telling you who you can or cannot mix with, or for him to accuse you of screwing any male over 5 years old, to accuse you of making him act like he does, and its all your fault if it wasnt for your stupidity and not listening to him it wouldnt be happening.

Do you want him calling you a slut telling you youre a useless person and that if you report him to the police no one will believe you because everyone knows youre sick and a liar a slut whore tart, tramp, and if you have kids hell ridicule you in front of them, tell you youre a useless Mother, and wife, do exactly what he wants whilst you dread him walking through the door at night after hes had a skinful of beer, and forget about having headaches, hell just take what he wants when he wants it, Because youre his property, and he is entitled

Dont kid yourself it wont happen to you, because on what youve told us hes already well on the way, do you want to tell your family oh I walked into a door, for the umpteenth time. because he blacked your eyes.

Did you also know 90% of all murders are Domestic between man and wife usually, because they are.

I was lucky I managed to escape eventually after 7 years of being his piece of trash, who couldnt have any friends because they were all tramps. My family were low lifes I was scum, and more much more.

Oh but as soon as I managed to get away he became a snivvelling little wimp again, because thats what he really was, a big hard man who could only beat his 5ft 1inch 8stone wife up, but ran for the hills if he thought a Man may confront him. Yes he was hard to look at without laughing.

Oh and hell keep you barefoot and broke as the saying goes.

Stick with your ex and the above is what you can look forward to. So do you want to be treated well or without hope. You choose.

Katie... let us know what is going on...

[eveamee09]

Hi, I am sorry for the late reply, I have been out distracting myself with friends and trying to revise. Didn't really work though.

I am just a complete confused mess and don't know what to think or believe. One person's telling me one thing, somebody else is telling me another, and it's so difficult to make up my own mind. I am just so confused about it all and really didn't expect these feelings to come back so strong and intense. This is all also mixed with the stress of anticipating the exam tomorrow so really I just feel like screaming and collapsing on the floor. I don't think tonight is a time to make any decisions so I am going to just see how I feel after my exam in two days. My heart is telling me one thing and my head another. I just can't cope with this stupid situation anymore.

Thanks both of you for your support, your words mean a lot to me and sorry for leaving you hanging all evening. I'll stay on here for a bit to chat if you are around.