[pathisfer]

I agree with I Wish- he is just making sure you don't have any false expectations. He may have been blunt but I don't think what he said was harsh or with any intent to hurt you- he wants to prevent any future upset surrounding this.

[starlite1]

Thanks Guys. What bothered me was how he said what he said. I won't even bother bringing it up to him. It's not worth the drama.

[liz28]

Maybe you shouldn't give him the guitar as a birthday gift. Instead you should save it as a Christmas gift.

I agree with all the advice given above and sometimes you have to stick by what you promise. When you don't it's like "damn she brought me a gift so now I have to get her one".

I think it's better that you found out his feelings on this issue now instead of finding it out when you gave him the gift on his birthday.

You had good ntentions behind this gift but he got mad because of the agreement you two made.

[starlite1]

Hi Everyone,

I would like your honest opinions. My boyfriend and I live together and we talk about our future, marriage etc. We are both divorced from past marraiges. My boyfriend says that he wants marry me one day, and again, we talk about one day buying a house, etc. But he has said time and time again that he takes life day by day and there are no guarantees in life (other than death & taxes). So, my question is why does he talk of wanting to marry me someday, have a future with me, etc, and then says he doesn't think about the future; he likes to live day by day? Isn't that a contradiction? Does he really want to marry me/have a future with me someday?

[I wish]

You got to remember. Both of you are divorced. So his trust in marriage is very shaken. Take it slow with him and see how it goes. If he continues to have so many doubts, then maybe it's time for you to move on if you're looking for someone to be serious with you.

[roxypox]

Yeah that is a contradiction. But I wouldn't worry too much about it!

I'm also the sort of person who takes things day-by-day and think that there are no guarantees in life... but I still have long term; wants, needs, dreams and wishes. So I would just take him on his words when he says he wants to marry you and buy a house etc. (of course there will come a time to set some real dates for those occurrences though. If he continues to avoid talking of a year or a specific stage in your relationship/life... well then I'd worry a bit.)

Hope this was of some help!

[starlite1]

Thanks I wish,

I mean, we are very close, we get along great, he has been talking about the 'future' more and more, even though he says he is a day to day kind of guy, we are getting his and hers tattoos for each other's birthdays in a few weeks (Not of names, just representations of one another). I do ask him if he really does want to get married someday, and he says yes, but he has his own issues to work out, and he doesn't look that far into the future. But yet, he says he wants to have a life with me, etc. How can you say you want to get married and have a future one minute and then say almost in the same breath that you don't look far into the future?

[starlite1]

Thank you Roxy! By the way, I am a huge Alice in Wonderland fan myself!!

[roxypox]

Starlite: well if he is talking of the future more and more, then that's a good sign. (in stead of less and less ;))

I've done that a couple of times... I have to admit. I do want certain things in the future, but sometimes I think the future is kind of hard to see.. i.e. the when and the where. Of course it might be very different for him. But have you asked him about it? How he contradicts.

[starlite1]

That is true, Roxy. I just get scared and even more insecure when he contradicts though.

[I wish]

Don't worry too much starlite1. Sounds like you guys are heading in the right direction. Keep up the communication. When it feels right, then you guys can bring up the marriage question. Let us know if you need more help!

[roxypox]

I totally understand that you get insecure about it. But I really don't think you have to worry about it! Like I wish said; you guys really do seem to be heading in the right direction and that you have good a communication going on ;)

[starlite1]

Thanks Roxy and I wish!

I actually have talked to him about the contradiction and he said he isn't contradicting. He wants to get married and have a future, he just doesn't obsess about it. But today, we were joking on the phone, and he said that someone at his job asking him to do something that he didn't know about, and I said tell them that your 'Crystal Ball is in the shop', and he said to me 'That is what I always say to you; I don't have a crystal ball'.

[roxypox]

That doesn't sound to bad! Lol got to love the joke though.

As for not contradicting. I never feel I'm contradicting either :P because my way of thinking makes perfect sense to me. ;)

I'm glad you guys have talked about it though!

[starlite1]

that doesn't sound to bad!! lol gotta love the joke though.

as for not contradicting. I never feel i'm contradicting either :P because my way of thinking makes perfect sense to me. ;)

i'm glad you guys have talked about it though!

Thanks Roxy, but when he says things like "See, I tell you I don't have a crystal ball, the only guarantees in life are death and taxes, etc" I get scared that he doesn't want to marry me or have a future with me.

[talaniman]

Relax Starlite, don't get carried away when he says things you don't want to hear, because you need reassurance.

He isn't contradicting, he sounds quite practical, so take it in stride, and stop reading so much in to it.

[starlite1]

How do I know if he is for real by talking about the future/marraige though, without asking for reassurance?

[I wish]

Technically he's right, he didn't really contradict.

Death and taxes are what he considers a guarantee. Marriage, spending the rest of his life with you is what he WANTS, but NOT a guarantee.

[starlite1]

I guess I am looking for a guarantee. Why won't he give me one? Does that mean he doesn't see it happening?

[talaniman]

No, that means he is exploring the possibilities.

I guess I am looking for a guarantee

Yes you are.

Why won't he give me one?

He doesn't have one to give you, settle for a hug.