[smoothy]

Its your optimistic side trying to peek in on you, but mostly is that you are still used to her being around. Plenty of reason to find someone new to date which will help displace that feeling. When you have someone new to hold your attention this other one will fade from the forefront of your mind that much faster.

I know for me it helped to focus on the bad in effect demonizing her but since it was only in my mind no harm was done and it helped me past that period.

[madaman]

I think that's the only reason I was able to not answer, I am seeing someone else right now (very casually). The new girl really digs me and it makes me feel great, but I'm not rushing into anything because I don't want any residual feelings about my ex creeping into anything I will have with the new girl.

I try so hard to just focus on the bad ( the lies and betrayal) but the good times I had with her were some of the best times of my life (which I am grateful for none the less).

[smoothy]

You won't ever forget those... but demonizing her for now will help you through the rough part. When she stops mattering your memories will be of what really was.

Focusing on the good times right now will only make this period of your life harder.

No need to rush the new woman, take it one day at a time... if it pans out great, if it doesn't then it doesn't. But focus on today and now... as well as tomorrow and the future. The old one is no longer part of it so keep thoughts of her with other parts of your distant memories.

[madaman]

Damnit she got me at work, I never thought about it until I answered the phone. She asked some question about something and then I answered and said goodbye. Does this mean I'm back at day 1? I really never wanted to hear her voice again.

Im just trying to pretend this didn't happen, as I don't want these last 54 days of NC to be a waste.

[smoothy]

No, you had the foresight to keep it brief and hang up as soon as you could. If you had been reminiscing during that call I would have said yeah.

[madaman]

She was asking about her mail and if I had been saving it for her. I said no that I was returning it to sender (or throwing it out if it was junk) and that she needs to have her address changed. She started talking about her new car (which she was waiting for some paperwork to be mailed out I guess) and instead of asking about it (she wrecked her 'new' car a few weeks after we broke up and I've been dying to know what happened) I just said I had to go. She really caught me off guard on the phone and I'm sure I sounded not so happy, but it was because I was talking to her not because of my life. I didn't even recognize her voice until she said who it was, which is crazy.

I think this has rekindled the feeling I had at the start of the breakup though, the one where I was going to better myself for myself. I was started to lose sight on the importance of self improvement in the last couple weeks, but it has been brought back into the front of my mind like lightning.

I think (and time will tell) that this phone call might be the moment I truly let go. Its obvious she doesn't care (and I know I never want her back). I hope this is that moment where I close my heart to 'her'.

Its times like this that make me want to become a therapist/psychologist so I can help people get through times like these, because man does it ever suck. Its also a huge fork in the road as I could better myself or wallow in pity for years.

[Applejacks83irv]

I say eat her fleash and bones! Nah! Just playing! You be OK homey!

[friend4u178]

Hi Madaman
Remember what we said a few weeks ago. SHE'S A LIAR AND A CHEAT!! Just keep telling yourself that because that's the facts. Your doing well my friend , keep it up.

[madaman]

Yeah actually its been about 6 hours since she called and I have been waiting for some new 'pain' to kick in but nothing has come yet. Its kind of like flinching as if you are about to be hit but nothing is coming. I actually thought those things to myself when she phoned "shes a liar and a cheater" so why talk to her. There was so much I would have liked to ask but I didn't and I'm so happy with myself. I think I now know without a doubt that the girl I loved is completely gone.

[friend4u178]

Well done , just read my signature and I think it applies to you as well!

[franpalmer]

I'm going to it to after being married for 20 years. He got this great job and we would have been on easy street. Anyway he met someone on Facebook, I think, and now he is with her. He filed for divorce with a bunch of lies and I am really messed up.

I cross-petitioned for divorce telling the truth and with the right separation date. He had been abusive in the past but had stopped but started again when he started the affair.

As far as I'm concerned people that do this are nuts. He still ask me to do stuff for him.

[smoothy]

You DID notice this thread is from Sept 2007?