[N0help4u]

I admire your wanting a virgin and being a virgin, but you have your head screwed onwrong as far as your motives go. For one you are allowing your emotions to the wrong girl get the better of you. While you are playing around with her you could be out looking for your dream girl. Time is slipping away and so will the girl you want in your heart. Like you realize most girls don't stay virgin for ever. So get out there wnd find her before someone else does.

[Oliver2011]

Well I had been asking my parents for years to get me therapy, happy pills or something and they never did. I was suicidal at one point my self esteem was so low. Well I had a pretty crappy childhood. I'm not asking for sympathy but I've been through a lot. I was sorta an outcast in my childhood. While all my friends were out having sex and stuff, I was that guy that nobody ever had a crush on, would touch with a ten foot pole, etc, etc and it really took a toll on my self esteem, apparently. At least most people somebody WOULD have sex with you, but I was often told how sexually repulsive I was by many of my classmates, I got to watch the most jerkish guys come over and take all of my crushes right in front of my eyes. And even now, I'm hearing about all my friends saying how they lost it together with their significant others. I feel like I'm developmentally behind because I almost feel like a guy who has developed normally should have devirginized many girls at my age, thats what happens in society now a days. But I feel like by TRYING to be that one guy who tries to have a legitimate relationship is sorta in vain.
Why didn't I do what all the other guys were doing?

Along with therapy there are things you can do to make yourself more attractive to other people. Not sexually or physically attractive but someone more people want to be around. There are also things you can do to make yourself less attractive to other people. If you obsess and fixate on most issues, which I would guess you do, then people are not going to want to be around you. People like to be around fun people, positive people, people who make them laugh, caring people, people that smile, people that like themselves, etc. All of those things will make you more attractive.

Who cares what other guys do or have done. You don't become a better or worse person by comparing yourself to other people. Some guys date tons of women and some don't. That is the way life is. Something's in life you just have to accept. So you didn't have a meaningful date in school. So what. Learn from it and move on. Make changes in your life so that you will be more attractive to other people.

You have gotten some very good advice on here but you haven't been listening. That may be a good starting point.

[XD005]

Along with therapy there are things you can do to make yourself more attractive to other people. Not sexually or physically attractive but someone more people want to be around. There are also things you can do to make yourself less attractive to other people. If you obsess and fixate on most issues, which I would guess you do, then people are not going to want to be around you. People like to be around fun people, positive people, people who make them laugh, caring people, people that smile, people that like themselves, etc. All of those things will make you more attractive.

Who cares what other guys do or have done. You don't become a better or worse person by comparing yourself to other people. Some guys date tons of women and some don't. That is the way life is. Somethings in life you just have to accept. So you didn't have a meaningful date in school. So what. Learn from it and move on. Make changes in your life so that you will be more attractive to other people.

You have gotten some very good advice on here but you haven't been listening. That may be a good starting point.

Well, I guess its sort of a baby steps thing. I don't have a problem attracting woman anymore though. I usually put on a "facade" of being happy and stuff. And its enough to get by, the real thing usually comes later. I'm pretty good at making a girl laugh so I don't think that's an issue either. I guess I kind of did this to myself by getting into a relationship with a girl that has something I KNOW to be a dealbreaker. I settled but not again as I see the issues it causes. I remember my family telling me that I shouldn't hold virginity as a criteria of who and who I cannot date but I've learned that its okay for that to be a criteria so long as you aren't being hypocritical.

But anyway, I'm single right now so I guess that's a good start.
With my last posts I think I was just letting the hurt of the breakup get to me.
I've looked at all the girls within a 30 mile radius of where I live on OKC and haven't found anyway who really interests me so that is just a teeny bit upsetting but I still have other options, other websites, other ways to meet new people. Wow I'm so melodramatic, I just realized I went through the classic 7 stages of grief.

[Oliver2011]

"I've looked at all the girls within a 30 mile radius of where I live on OKC" - Me thinks that isn't possible. Maybe, just maybe, you missed a few.

By the way accept the fact that love has no time table. You might find it tomorrow or next year.

[odinn7]

Stop looking for it like you're on some kind of quest... if you let it happen, it will happen.

[XD005]

Stop looking for it like you're on some kind of quest....if you let it happen, it will happen.

Yeah but we already established that non-virgins are apparently a deal breaker for me, we learned that the hard way. After a certain age, you might as well stop looking for them. So I'd say I only have 4 years to find her, and that isn't a really long time.

[Oliver2011]

1. There are women (and men) that lie about this sort of thing.
2. You could meet your soulmate. Someone that you fall head over heels for. Someone that you are so compatible with. And then you get to the question and boom, it is over. I just don't get it.
3. Is your very first conversation with a girl like this? "Hi, my name is Bob. Is your hymen intact?"

[XD005]

1. There are women (and men) that lie about this sort of thing.
2. You could meet your soulmate. Someone that you fall head over heels for. Someone that you are so compatible with. And then you get to the question and boom, it is over. I just don't get it.
3. Is your very first conversation with a girl like this? "Hi, my name is Bob. Is your hymen intact?"

I don't appreciate your attitude towards this.
Firstly, I don't think I would end up with a woman who would lie about it
Since the woman I like I'm sure she'd have some sort of morals and wouldn't do so.
Secondly, I'd ask before it got to that point. Lastly, I don't ask a question like that TOO up front. First, I'd talk to them and get to know them.

[Oliver2011]

I don't appreciate your attitude towards this.
Firstly, I don't think I would end up with a woman who would lie about it
since the woman I like I'm sure she'd have some sort of morals and wouldn't do so.
Secondly, I'd ask before it got to that point. Lastly, I don't ask a question like that TOO up front. First, I'd talk to them and get to know them.

"I would end up with a woman who would lie about it" - Ahhhh you must have cracked the code to know when everyone is lying to you. In other words, you don't always know.

"Secondly, I'd ask before it got to that point." So in other words love at first sight is completely out of the question with you?

I know I went a little overboard, but sometimes when we are being ridiculous, a ridiculous answer can help us to see that. I met the love of my life when I was 40. Both of us where far from virgins. In your world do you have to go back to a virgin if you and the original one split up? And honestly without a commitment people are allowed to date and sleep with more than one person. Before I committed I was with too many so I am not recommending that.

[talaniman]

You have yet to figure out your own conflicts with yourself, so how do you work through the conflict it create with others? You seem to have a personal dilemma to workout for yourself and unless you do, all you are doing is building up some pretty high walls for yourself.

What are you protecting yourself from since that's why people construct walls around themselves. You are wrapping yourself around your virginity.

[Wondergirl]

You are wrapping yourself around your virginity.

Yeah. I'm wondering what that will get him.

For him, his being a virgin = ?

For him, a woman (or man) NOT being a virgin = ?

[XD005]

You have yet to figure out your own conflicts with yourself, so how do you work thru the conflict it create with others? You seem to have a personal dilemma to workout for yourself and unless you do, all you are doing is building up some pretty high walls for yourself.

What are you protecting yourself from since that's why people construct walls around themselves. You are wrapping yourself around your virginity.

If anything, I've probably been hurt too many times.
Its as simple as preferring to lose it to another virgin.
I want something in return for the gift I'd be giving.
I don't like to bring up religion in these kind of situations but the bible even
Says that virginity can be a criteria for choosing a wife. I can't tell you where but I'm certain it does. Right now, it dosen't bother me with what the world is doing cause I only need one person out of the billions walking around on earth that thinks the way I do. A quick Google search will show that I'm not the only one like this.

@Oliver
That's good you met your special someone. This wasn't an issue for you.
But since I am a virgin and am saving myself for the right one, I expect her to do the same.
Simple as that, plain and simple. I don't believe in love at first sight, that's merely infatuation or attraction.

[Wondergirl]

Right now, it dosen't bother me with what the world is doing cause I only need one person out of the billions walking around on earth that thinks the way I do.

You will marry her before you take her virginity?

[talaniman]

If your feelings are that strong on the matter then don't put the artificial constraints of time on your journey. Enjoy the journey and prepare for success not failure. Bring joy to the live of others as you enjoy them along the way to where you are going.

But put this expectation thing behind you because in truth there will be many along the way that you will love and be grateful for meeting. They will shape your growth in small ways and big ones. Deal with the hurts, and enjoy the good times.

Why not be happy, instead of conflicted with yourself? Don't be so stubborn about what the world has to offer you in option, and opportunities.

[XD005]

If your feelings are that strong on the matter then don't put the artificial constraints of time on your journey. Enjoy the journey and prepare for success not failure. Bring joy to the live of others as you enjoy them along the way to where you are going.

But put this expectation thing behind you because in truth there will be many along the way that you will love and be grateful for meeting. They will shape your growth in small ways and big ones. Deal with the hurts, and enjoy the good times.

Why not be happy, instead of conflicted with yourself? Don't be so stubborn about what the world has to offer you in option, and opportunities.

Yeah, I am grateful for meeting the last girl.
I know what kind of woman I want because of her at least.
I can safely say before I didn't know how a woman is supposed to treat you.
And yeah, I can see going back on my earlier posts how much it consumed me. I said a lot of things I normally would never say and considered a lot of things I normally would consider out of the question.

@Wondergirl
That's the plan, I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I didn't.
That wouldn't guarantee I stay with her anyway otherwise and would make me an even bigger hypocrite.

[Oliver2011]

@Oliver
I don't believe in love at first sight, thats merely infatuation or attraction.

I totally agree.