I'm not sure if I want to break up or stay with my GF
Hello everyone.
So, let me start by saying I am a 20 year old virgin. I met this girl who isn't a virgin. I usually consider a girl not being a virgin a deal-breaker as I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it if a friendship ended up turning into a relationship and I didn't want to put myself through the pain nor cause any inconvenience for the girl.
But anyway, it started as a friendship. I was stupid and thought we could just be friends and I wouldn't end up falling for her, yeah it doesn't work that way. She invited me to her prom and it ended up being one of the most amazing nights I've ever had with a girl. Next thing I know, I've fallen for the girl although her virginity status didn't matter to me in the least because I had forgotten about it and just assumed in my head that she was a virgin even though she told me otherwise. I was happy talking to her and would even get that little goose-bumpy feeling occasionally. Although I'd later find out, she as a tendency for being too thorough with answers to questions and a habit of saying things I don't like to hear. On the phone, she mentioned the dude she had sex with. She talked about how he wasn't shy and did all these positions on her, etc, etc. I told her I don't like for her to talk about her past. Although she ended up mentioning things that remind me of it several times afterward which I again asked her not to do.
But anyway, ever since I can't seem to get the image of having sex with another guy with her giving such an big thing as her virginity to him. It doesn't even bother me that much that its done I mean what can I do with it but more so that I've wasted years of my life being abstinent, waiting for the right girl and expecting her to do the same and it doesn't happen. I guess I'm just jealous that I haven't had the joy of being a girl's first and now that I've met this girl, I'd very much like us to be able to share each other's virginity but I realize that this is impossible as its already done and I only have two choices-to either stay or go.
While I want to stay with her, I'm worried that if we do have sex, I'll end up feeling bad because I'm giving her something I won't get back from her. But if I go, I'm worried that I won't ever meet anyone as amazing as her who fits the whole criteria. I don't know I just need some advice from someone who understands how I feel.