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jbots10 · Aug 10, 2011, 09:15 PM

Its just so annoying. This weekend was fine right up until she got her piercing and then it was back to normal again. She made an excuse to leave my house last night. Today she was short again and barely talking to me and now this. Im so sick of it.

amicon · Aug 11, 2011, 12:17 AM

'Im so sick of it.'

Which is exactly why you stick with total NC.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 11, 2011, 06:39 AM

Hopefully you are sick enough to stay away.
You can no longer get mad at her for being who and what she is. Stop talking to her. Stop letting her walk on you.
Leave the girl alone!

Cat1864 · Aug 11, 2011, 06:53 AM

Harhness Alert

Originally Posted by jbots10

Its just so annoying. This weekend was fine right up until she got her piercing and then it was back to normal again. She made an excuse to leave my house last night. Today she was short again and barely talking to me and now this. Im so sick of it.

Why is she at your house in the first place? Why do you care if she is short and barely talking to you? Why have you not blocked her number?

Personally, I think you are the problem instead of her. You keep letting her back into your life and blaming her for not having changed. You tell us that you are not going to let her play games with you and turn around the same day and let her back into your house and get upset that she made an excuse to leave. What were you expecting? A long heartfelt apology for making your life miserable? The 'I've changed and want you back' discussion? Sex? Something to 'just happen'?

Now you are upset that she is short and barely talking to you today. You are not supposed to be talking to her in the first place. No Contact means No Communications of any type. Be polite but don't encourage personal discussion should you meet in public.

Take some responsibility for your own actions and reactions. Stop playing games with her. Let her live her own life and you do the same. Both of you need to let go and heal.

talaniman · Aug 11, 2011, 10:57 AM

INSANITY - Doing the same thing over, and over, and expecting different results.

Change your action, change the results. Choose your actions wisely

HINT: Run, fast, DISAPPEAR FOREVER.

jbots10 · Aug 12, 2011, 06:48 AM

Things are not going good at all. This is a lot harder then I thought it was going to be.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 12, 2011, 06:50 AM

Breaking up and NC is hard but you get through it and you are better off in the long run.

amicon · Aug 12, 2011, 06:52 AM

Of course it's tough, but you hang in there and it will get easier day by day.
Detox from the drama-be active and keep busy.
Think with your head, not your heart.

jbots10 · Aug 12, 2011, 07:35 AM

I feel as though I am back at day one. Im trying to think with my head but when I have nothing to do its very hard. When we were together I lost most of my friends. I didn't have work today, and I live alone with a room mate who is never here. So I really have no body to talk to and everything I do is just a remember of how things were when we were together and I never felt alone.

talaniman · Aug 12, 2011, 09:33 AM

Its tough to make that transition from having somebody available to you all the time, to being independent and happy with what you are doing alone now. A plan of action for those alone times is what's needed, preferably around people.

Even if you are a loner by nature, the key is family, friends, and activities, that change your focus from old patterns to new ones.

Get involved with something. That's where your plan should start, and go where you interact with people, and make friends. Yes this will be the hardest thing you have had to do, so meet the challenge.

I mean stop and think why this is so hard, when the whole exercise and challenge is about what you do for yourself. Its sad that you cannot do for yourself, your time, and most of all cope with your own feelings in positive ways.

This battle is between YOU, and YOU, and the things you come up with to do for yourself. So don't just sit struggling with yourself, when there is a HUGE world to explore and find out about. When you do, you will be busy enough to take advantage of a good nights sleep. Make a plan, and follow it.

CarrotTalker · Aug 12, 2011, 02:13 PM

Originally Posted by jbots10

I feel as though i am back at day one.

This also naturally happens when you break NC and go back to being "friendly" with the ex, you undo any progression you made and by the time you go back to NC, its like starting over again.

jbots10 · Aug 13, 2011, 07:54 AM

So let me just say, I'm done with this. I have not been able to go no contact lately and honestly I know I should have been done a long time ago but last night was the last straw and I'm promising myself I can't do this any more. I was some place and she texts me and says she wants to chill, so I agree and go home just for her to tell me that well I can't now because my mom won't let me take the car and she says she was watching netflix on my account. Well funny thing is she says she's going to bed at 1am. 1.) Netflix was not touched last night. 2.)She was commenting on a photo of her at 345am.

Im done. I have been lied to for the last time. I need to be done.

Where do I start. This is going to be awful.

Step one?

talaniman · Aug 13, 2011, 08:01 AM

Sever all connections, and access to you. Start with Facebook, and include Netflix, and block her emails, texts, and any other way to contact you.

You do know about the stickies, don't you. Reread your own post again to refresh your memory of what you have gone through.

That's a great start. But you actually have to do these things, not just think of ways around them.

jbots10 · Aug 13, 2011, 08:09 AM

I just removed her and all her little friends from Facebook. Made my account private. The cell phone I have no control over, its still in my moms name (family plan with grandfather unlimited data.) I just removed netflix from all accessories at her house. She wouldn't email me.

Ive read the stickies probably 20 times each.

I want to do this, I just know how much I'm going to miss her, and how lonely I'm about to be. This is me throwing all hope out the window. Im just not looking forward to starting back off at step one. I hate this so much..

talaniman · Aug 13, 2011, 08:22 AM

Making tough choices, and being responsible for your own happiness through those choices is a fact of life you better get use to.

We all hate bad times, but you have to deal with them.

Cat1864 · Aug 13, 2011, 08:32 AM

You should still be able to block her phone number. If you personally can't, ask your mother to block it.

Keep busy. Get ready for school. Look into the material you will be studying.

Hang out with friends. Exercise. Volunteer. Start a new hobby or pick up an old. How are your cooking skills? Cooking and baking are great ways to keep both mind and body busy. Plus your hands usually end up too messy to hold a phone.

Don't dwell on how hard it is going to be. Instead, find ways to help yourself.

What are some of the ways you would give someone else to stay busy?

jbots10 · Aug 13, 2011, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

You should still be able to block her phone number. If you personally can't, ask your mother to block it.

Keep busy. Get ready for school. Look into the material you will be studying.

Hang out with friends. Exercise. Volunteer. Start a new hobby or pick up an old. How are your cooking skills? Cooking and baking are great ways to keep both mind and body busy. Plus your hands usually end up too messy to hold a phone.

Don't dwell on how hard it is going to be. Instead, find ways to help yourself.

What are some of the ways you would give someone else to stay busy?

Im a great cook. I have been working out. I lost all my friends because of this girl lying and causing drama.

It's the fact like right now I'm sitting in my room, just thinking about her with another guy and the fact that just on Tuesday I paid for her to get her belly button pierced and then haven't seen or really talked to her since.

It's the fact that I have been used and I have done nothing wrong but be a good guy this entire time..

Good guys finish last? :/

Cat1864 · Aug 13, 2011, 09:06 AM

So, why are you sitting there letting her manipulate the way you feel about yourself? Why are you letting thoughts of her control what you do now?

Why are you torturing yourself thinking about her with other men? Does that really sound like a healthy thing to concentrate on?

Why aren't you calling up your old friends and making amends and plans to meet up? Are you afraid of how they will react or what they will say? 'I told you so' doesn't really hurt when you are already telling yourself the same thing.

CarrotTalker · Aug 13, 2011, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by jbots10

Its the fact that i have been used and i have done nothing wrong but be a good guy this entire time..

Good guys finish last? :/

But you keep letting yourself get "used". This has turned into a huge back and forth between multiple people here telling you what you need to do, you not doing it, then coming back and complaining about how she "used" you again.

Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes I can be too blunt!

jbots10 · Aug 13, 2011, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

But you keep letting yourself get "used". This has turned into a huge back and forth between multiple people here telling you what you need to do, you not doing it, then coming back and complaining about how she "used" you again.

Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes I can be too blunt!

No, honesty is the truth and the truth is what I need, but I feel like there is this wall of false hope that is blinding me. I read the one stickie about how people will go off and do things and then come back here and complain and wonder why.

Im one of those people, I also hope I'm one of those people in that thread that decide it is time to do NC and it is for the better.

Everyone tells me what a great guy I am, but I don't feel it. Girls don't try and talk to me which makes me feel like crap.. As though I'm not good enough..