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DougE · Jul 12, 2007, 12:30 PM

Hey everyone,

I have this situation. I just broke up with my girfriend of almost 3 years (this september) and she thinks that I am playing mind games that every time I am around her I get text messages or a phone call in the middle of the night as we still hang out with each other. She thinks that I am doing this to cause "suspicion" which is totally crazy because when we were together these things happened although not as much.

So now Monday was the last day I spoke with her as I am trying to start no contact. So she finally called this morning and said I was playing games by not contacting her because she felt that I thought it was to get her to call me. I actually was trying to get past her.

We had been living together and after my father died I blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship and when the money runs dry we started having all kind of problems. She would show put her bills on the fridge sometime for me to see, and always would say I was selfish. What really put the icing on the cake was this one phone number kept calling in the middle of the night and she wouild lie and say it's the wrong number. Howvever after I checked the phone while she was in the shower, it was a boy's number saved under a girls name, as that person had sent him a text SAYING her name.

So finally after 4 weeks of pressing this issue, she wouldn't tell me who it was, where she met this person, how they met, she would just say "I dont have to tell you that. You dont know all my friends" but I think that was bull. What caused the suspicion is that she had a line on my phone and I could see all the numbers dialed on the phone bill. This ONE number was brand new and the calls were lik 50mins long during the day. Had no consideration for the phone bill and now its at $1,500. Her excuse for not helping with the bill was that I never showed her the bill. I paid all the rent. As she said she was struggling which was $965 a month. So after all they questioning about this number she decides to hop up, AND GET HER OWN PLACE without telling me until AFTER she signed the lease on the same day. She said I was being emotionally abusive by not trusting her which is a QUACK. Its funny now she can afford $650 a month on her own, but coulnt afford $300 a month which was all I was having her pay. She is now struggling (go figure) and is mad at me because I won't help out. But we still have sex and hold hands etc until last week when my phone started ringing a lot and I was texting to my friends which caused her to think I was playing mind games. THIS is why I stopped talking to her as of Monday, ALTHOUGH WE HAVE BEEN BROKEN UP SINCE JUNE 5, 2007. It really didn't seem like it. I am REALLY trying to get over this. I keep tosing and turning thinking about if she is having sex with someone at the moment or what she is doing and it is KILLING ME. I want to contact her and I get a STRONG URGE even today but I want her to realize the mistake she made.

If you guys could help with advice, please assist... thanks guys and girls

phillysteakandcheese · Jul 12, 2007, 12:47 PM

It sounds like there were two things going on here - You probably wanted to "buy her love" while you had the money, and she let let you by using your money to prop up her lifestyle.

She's playing games with you, probably because of her guilt over using you for your money.

You ARE playing games - A game of "who has the power" in this relationship. Even though you feel you should have power - given the enormous amount of money you spent, your behaviour has given the power... You won't get it back by playing games, so be clear with her and cut all contact.

emopunk7 · Jul 12, 2007, 01:03 PM

How do you run dry with $170,000.00... What love does to you!

talaniman · Jul 12, 2007, 01:28 PM

I blew almost $170,000 (an inheritance) in this relationship

Ain't that much love in the world, to make a guy blow his money, and she moves out, and YOU still see the chick?? This isn't love, and tell her ADIOS.

DougE · Jul 12, 2007, 01:29 PM

Well I didn't tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I don't get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, that's why I let her contact me. What do you think

alkalineangel · Jul 12, 2007, 01:29 PM

You could have bought a house free and clear with that kind of inheritance.

I would stop all contact. She is using you for money and you are using money for her.

DougE · Jul 12, 2007, 01:39 PM

Do you guys think its playing a gam when you don't call her, but let her call you. Now if I don't call her, I'm starting to think maybe she will think I don't care about her

s_cianci · Jul 12, 2007, 04:14 PM

I think you've learned some hard lessons here. You should have done no contact from the get-go. Do it now and don't let her manipulate you. Change your number if you have to. Don't respond to any of her e-mails, texts or IMs. Use your software filters to block her screen names. The longer you wait to do this, the harder it's going to be.

nicespringgirl · Jul 13, 2007, 08:06 AM

She should make the money on her own! It's a shame she is so depend on you! Money can't buy love, she needs to grow up and be a reasonable woman! I am sorry for that, but I think you need to tell her that she needs to better herself, she really needs to do it NOW!

Capuchin · Jul 13, 2007, 08:10 AM

She's spoilt. You may have spoilt her, or she may have been spoilt already, but you certainly didn't help. Tell her not to contact you, tell her you won't contact her. Get her out of your life and move on.

It's over now.

phillysteakandcheese · Jul 13, 2007, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by DougE

Do you guys think its playing a gam when you dont call her, but let her call you. Now if i dont call her, im starting to think maybe she will think I don't care about her

Yes - It's a power game. You're trying to assert your "control" by making her come to you.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2007, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by DougE

well i didnt tell her not to contact me you are right. I still answer her calls when she calls. I just don't call her. I let her call me. I dont get how that is playng mind games. I don't want to be needy by contacting her, thats why i let her contact me. what do you think

Why would you want her back after all the games, she won't be back until you SHOW THE MONEY!! Please move on a find one who you can afford.

DougE · Jul 13, 2007, 10:03 AM

Thank you all for your input. I did something stupid yesteday. As I mentioned I don't call unless she calls me, so yesterday I didn't call all day, and she finally calls at like 10pm and said "What is this. Do I have to call you for you to call me? were you going to call." (keep in mind she broke up with ME).

So then she asked if I could come over to chill. I felt bad when I went over because she has no food, was VERY hungry, refridge was empty. And then she was real down saying she needs some help as the rent is killing her. I know she doesn't have the moiney for it. I feel bad, and I don't know WHY this is. Other people would have said OH WELL... But I think I had been playing the role of "rescuer" which I just looked up and didn't know I was doing that. Man was that right on point about me . I didn't realize I was doing this. It is SO hard for me to say NO

talaniman · Jul 13, 2007, 10:58 AM

Wipe that sign off your forehead, before you go broke. (shaking head back and forth slowly)

NeedKarma · Jul 13, 2007, 11:00 AM

If I had more money than you would she be with me?

DougE · Jul 13, 2007, 11:53 AM

LOL I see what you are saying. Maybe I just am so use to being around that person. I didn't have a life outsude this relationship which is why most of my friends were upset and left me. We were always around each other 24/7. Now I have to remember how fun my life was before I met her. That's the hard part, trying to get your life back and remember who you were before

NeedKarma · Jul 13, 2007, 11:57 AM

You can do it, we all have been through it. Next time make your mate a part of your life - not your whole life. I bet your friends will happy to see you again. :)

DougE · Aug 2, 2007, 12:18 PM

So now my exgirlfriend is mad stating that I never call her no more and she always has to call me to invite me over. She wants me to sleep there every night now. Just at night. I think she is going to use that and I say I don't support her by helping her out with the apartment as she is broke. She even said last weekend. AFTER SHE BROKE MY PHONE IN HALF WHEN ANOTHER GIRL CALLED MY PHONE, THAT I CAN GO OOUT AND BY ANOTHER PHONE THAT QUICK (UM U BROKE IT A#@!), BUT I can't HELP HER WHEN SHE'S STRUGGLING

talaniman · Aug 3, 2007, 08:39 AM

Its her problem not yours so why are you still even talking to her? Stop taking her calls and eventually she has to leave you alone.

logan007 · Aug 3, 2007, 09:06 AM

1st Of all you blew your dads inheritance on your girlfriend, that's kind of deep man. She puts her bills on the fridge for you, but you can't ask any questions WOW, if it's a game you need to try a new strategy because your down playa. You live and learn though I bet another woman would never be able to pull that stunt. Damn