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hoppy1403 · Dec 5, 2009, 08:53 AM

I am not the one contacting her she is I told her we cannot be friends she asked why I said its not a good idar it won't work I am not pusuing her I want her why would she phone four times two days yesterday she phoned at 9.30pm after a really lond day at work starting at 9 finishing at 9 then calling me before going to bed that out of boredom why call me when she is tired.

I am not contacting her at all.

talaniman · Dec 5, 2009, 09:09 AM

Constantly calling you does just what she wants, keeps you guessing, and gives you false hope, so she can get what she wants from you. Its working isn't it?

All you take her actions for are she doesn't want to let a lover go, but in reality she wants friendship.

That relieves her guilt, and lets her feel she made the right decision. If she had something better to do, she would be doing it, don't you think?

None of her contacts is about getting back with you, NONE! Thats a fact you keep ignoring.

If you ignored her attempts, and moved in another direction, the friend calls would STOP! Then eventually you would accept this is no longer about love, and romance, and hasn't been, at least on her part, since the break up.

You obviously have never had your feelings change for a girl, broken up, and tried to keep her in your life, as a friend, and not as a lover, because you would have recognized that's what's been going on since you broke up.

She is as determined to keep you as a friend, as you are to get her back as a girlfriend. That's where the confusion, and conflict is coming from.

One of you has to cut contact, for you both to heal, and move on.

hoppy1403 · Dec 5, 2009, 09:29 AM

I know what you are saying I want her to cut it off but I won't tell her that because I want her if she could collect her stuff and no contact then I could at least try to move on but when she calls me keeps her stuff here I am confused but I can't tell her because I love her. Spoke to my mum to see if I should send her one text saying Hi would you like to go bowling tonight she replied no thanks I am OK. Ileft at that what am I supposed to do I am on a low day today sorry to all for being a pain .

88sunflower · Dec 5, 2009, 10:23 AM

I have been following this and I think red and tal have been doing very well with this. But if you think you can move on easier with her things gone then why wait for her to come get them? Why not box it up and move it out yourself. Leave it with her parents or friends. I see you using that as an excuse to see her again. If you can get her there to get her things you can talk to her and work on changing her mind. Make if final yourself. This way there isn't that lingering feeling you know you will see her again if her things are there. NC. Period.

talaniman · Dec 5, 2009, 10:31 AM

Your no more of a pain than any one else in your shoes, so trust me, we all have sympathy for your situation. Been there more than a few times myself.

Sunflowers suggestion is a great one, give her her stuff back!

sully123 · Dec 5, 2009, 04:36 PM

You have to be strong. Your wallowing in your pity, and she is playing you for a fool. Stop all contact! Don't answer her phone calls! You have to work on yourself and get stronger. We all have been down this road, sometime in our life. But your learn from your mistakes, and don't make the mistake a second time. You said you verbally abused her. Get help for yourself and work on you. Then next time the relationship will work. Good luck.