[hoppy1403]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 years last year I have been a nightmare to live with I have realized now she has gone I have been nasty in the sense of verbal abuse. We have spoken and I have written her a six page letter saying sorry I know this cannot be forgiven I not expecting that just one last shot at this relationship with me now realizing that I cannot do what I have done in the past. I have spoke to her a few times and one min she says its over in her head then she says she does not know. I then asked to meet in a casual place to talk like adults to discuss this and she says maybe. We talk OK on the phone but what's going on in today today things but I tell her she is very special to me and I love her very much eating and sleeping for me is hard getting sent home from work on sleeping tabs. I have asked for on last chance but she says last time was the last chance she says she does not feel that way about me anymore but I say how about meeting she says maybe. I am trying so hard to be back with her I love her and I am sorry.

Yesterday we spoke nice conversation I was telling her she is very special I love her she said she did not feel the same way asked to meet up she said maybe. I text her last night a couple times during the day could not help myself. I then went round this morning she had ago at me telling me that when she is nice to me I bug her I told her sorry tried to give her a cuddle my heart sank. I said can we meet she said does not know. This is doing my head in I got sent home from work because I cannot cope with that went to the doctors they signed me off for a week the other thing is she was a virgin before we met and it makes me feel sick someone else going there I feel useless and horrible inside threw my tea in the bin last night could not stomach it I really love her she is busy starting own buisnnes so she is busy but I am trying very hard. Everything reminds me of her even TV and radio drive to work in silence.

I will say I am not looking for fogiveness I understand what I have done I am stuck I really have made a terrible mistake and I wish she could find it in her heart to give us another shot. I said this to her by taking us in small blocks no rush does not have to move back in until she is ready and she says I don't know what to do.

[redhed35]

really it sounds like she has had enough.. how many times have you said one more chance.. how many chances has she given you? Too many too count maybe.

I suspect she wants you too leave her alone,and to get on with her life.. shes tried being nice and you take advantage,by going over there uninvited and sending texts and phone calls.

leave her alone walk away.

as for her seeing someone else,she can,she's single,it does not mean she is now but in the future maybe she will.

if you valued her that much,the relationship would not have come to this.

start working on your own life,and start no contact..

[amicon]

She's left and her feelings have changed. You should respect this and not push for a meeting to talk things over. If she wanted to talk now she'd be willing to make arrangements to see you.
You now need to get your life back on track, sleeping,eating and being around people who care for you.
Physical activities help so go for walks,runs the gym, the works.
Take it one day at the time and allow your head to clear.

[hoppy1403]

She still has two draws full of clothes shoes books I have taken her number off my phone so I cannot contact her. 5 years I really love her why would she start being nice to me by calling couple days ago asking what people thought about it this is the first time we have been apart.

[redhed35]

We can only go on what you post.

In the first post it seemed clear that she wanted out..

Perhaps she just needs someone to tell her she is doing the right thing.

Its hard been with someone who is difficult and verbally abusive,it knocks your confidence and yourself esteem.. and it chips away at any love you feel for the person.

I can't say if she will return or what her motives are for making the calls,5 years is hard to walk away from.. the fact that she endured the abuse for a year before she ended it and it's the first time you have split,it would seem to me that she has tried to make it work but to no avail.

[hoppy1403]

Yeah I understand her I have told her its my fault I am going to do NC from today sent her an email saying I love her and she wants to try again she knows where I am I attached some photos of us that's it I am tired now I have made a terrible mistakes I do think she wonders what our friends think on my side at the moment she is surrounded by her friends and family who I think maybe give out negative thoughts I don't know.

[redhed35]

I think going no contact is the best way to go..

Concentrate on yourself,get healthy and maybe some therapy if you think it will help.. if there were issues that triggered your behaviour this year.

What's done is done... it does not matter what other people think or what they are saying.. she has support around her,you need support too.

[hoppy1403]

Thank you I feel so cryee I have tried asking myself why I did what I did to be honest I don't know this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.

[redhed35]

Maybe its what you need to get back on track.. time on your own,time to sort out your head.

Consider talking to a professional if you think it will help, if you don't know why you behaved as you did,the chances are it will happen again.

Talking to someone who can steer you to an answer would be beneficial.

Get some exercise,it will help you sleep.

Perhaps start keeping a journal,writing everything down is a way of purgeing,and reflecting.

[hoppy1403]

Il give it ago I can go to my parents which is a five hour drive from here but they live in the middle of know where and they will be working I am debating to go or not

[redhed35]

Go.. if your not working and have no other responsibilies then why not.. maybe time with your parents and some home comfort will help ease your mind... give a ring first!

And tell them.. they know you well and it might be nice to have people who love you around.

Also,getting their take on things might give you perspective and a little head space to make a plan for when you get back.

[hoppy1403]

Going there I a bit thanks

[redhed35]

Take care.. if you keep an eye on your thread other people will post more advice which you may find helpful.

[hoppy1403]

Thanks il keep you all posted thank you ever so much.

[88sunflower]

Everything red has been saying to you is great.

Why is it this past year you have been so miserable?
What triggered it?
Have you guys talked about things or was it just you saying your sorry over and over?

I think she finally had enough hearing it and not seeing the changes. She stayed strong and tried for that year you say you were mean to her. I think she just gave up and eventually feelings just fade. She probably just got tired and wanted to be happy again.

Do the NC. Go stay with your parents like you said. Don't beg and plead for her to come back. Do you want her back because you guilted her in coming back? Or do you want her to see you're a changed person and she actually wants to be with you again.

You work on yourself and being a better person. If she loves you and wants to come home let her do it on her own.

[I wish]

5 years is a long time and you can't expect to completely cut off ties overnight. Breaking up is a slow process.

The reason it looks like a break up is because after 5 years, you should already have a strong basis on how to work out your issues. Furthermore, it requires the effort on both sides to work things out. It sounds like she's slowly giving up on her end.

You already told her how you feel. You already told her that you still love her. You already told her that you still want to put the effort.

Now the ball is on her side of the court. It's up to her if she wants to give the relationship another chance. You can keep reminding her of your feelings, but it could push her away and it's ultimately up to her if she wants to reciprocate those feelings.

[hoppy1403]

I have been a complete idiot that's it she knows I love her I am going to leave her alone to see if she comes to me I have done the chasing the one thing I will say is that during that year I did not rlise until now what I was doing I just took it for granted that she would never leave.

[88sunflower]

Just like a lot of relationships. You get comfortable and assume its for the long haul. How you treat each other doesn't matter. But that's not the case. Some people live years like that and some don't. I guess she is someone who won't live like that.

[hoppy1403]

Yeah I know what I have done can't change the past I love her so much

[hoppy1403]

I have decided to stay for tonight at flat because I think its too late to go to my parents I have no appertite food does not seem intresting to me.