[snuffy]

Talaniman,

I'm not EXPECTING anything from her.

What is troubling me is the possibility that she may want me back. She was not a horrible bi***h for the first 7 months that I met her. And she has only really been disgusting towards me since pregnant. The whole thing is inexplicable.

I digress.

What is really troubling me is the thought that she may well really want me back, which is stopping me moving on. I'm not saying I think she will, but I'm not ruling it out.

Surely you appreciate how difficult it is to totally put the idea out of my mind that she may want to sort things out.


I would gladly move on and make myself open to new relationships but I have alrwady witnessed, at first hand, my exs negative reaction to my even going for a drink with another female. (Which suggests to me she hasn't quite totally put me out of the picture.)


I am incredibly sad, angry and frustrated about everything (yes the three elements of depression), though my friends do not realise I am depressed. I hide it.


It is so, so difficult to give up on this. If she was not pregnant it would be easy. But like many things in life, this particular peculiar situation is patently not easy, and it just so, so convoluted and complex.


I am not going to rock the boat now, but please try to understand that I am in some state of suspension, in the regard that I will inevitably have to rock the boat after th ebaby is born, if only to get a final, definitive answer.

"Can we work this out or not, no pressure, no rush, but I need to feel respected again and treated with respect whether you want to make things work again or make it final that we will NEVER get together."


I need an answer about this to close the door on it.

It's yes or no. I'd rather have a resounding no and be treated with respect as baby's daddy than a maybe.

Do you see where I am coming from?

Thanks, Snuffy.

[bigbird213]

Snuffy,

The thing is, you will never be able to "close the door". She is the mother of your child, so there will be some involvement between the two of you in the future almost positively. However, you say that she gets upset when you go out so you think she hasn't put you out of the picture.

Look at this situation as if it were your best bud asking you for advice. He tells you that his ex who broke up with him gets angry when he goes out with women, so he is going to stop going out with other women and stop moving on. What would you tell him? Would you tell him that she is good for him? Would you tell him that he needs to talk to her and see if he can work things out?

[talaniman]

I need an answer about this to close the door on it.
No you don't! Your a father, or will be, baby mama will be in your life a long time and either you man up and set the pace, then she will as she has already done.
It's yes or no. I'd rather have a resounding no and be treated with respect as baby's daddy than a maybe.
For your own good stop giving her the power to decide your actions, you will never get respect that way.
Do you see where I am coming from?
Yes I do, Inexperience and confusion and hesitation. All the signs of youth. Make your own path is my advice and the hell with what she says.
1-No contact until the baby is born, just to cut down on drama, confusion, and contact.
2-Confirm that it is indeed your child, to cut down on drama, confusion and conflicts later.
3-If its yours, set up child support and visitations thru the courts, along with joint custody. Just because thats the correct thing for a man to do with a contentious baby mama. This will also give you the power of the law, to preserve not only your fatherly rights, but have a foundation for a happy, healthy relationship with your child and be in his/her life. It also takes any BS from her out of the equation.
4-What her friends say is totally irrelevant, as her actions have already put you on notice as to her instability. Do you really think she will change and be Ms. Wonderful, and present you with future happiness? You already have had a preveiw of life with her.
Time to MAN up and do whats right, with or without her, you don't need her consent or approval for anything I have written, do you see where I'm coming from?

[ordinaryguy]

Snuffy--

Tal's absolutely right--the course of action you need to follow does not depend in any way on anything she thinks or feels or wants or decides or does. It's not about her at all. If you think it is, you're still not seeing the situation clearly. It's about the baby, and about you.

Step One: Wait until the baby is born.

Step Two: Get a DNA test to find out whether you are, in fact, the father.

Step Three: Wait until Step Two is completed.

[snuffy]

Hey all,

Just wanted to inform everybody that my baby son was born on Friday morning.

My ex-girlfriend called me in the early hours to ask me to be there (in hospital) and I went.

Seeing your newborn baby has got to be the greatest feeling in the world. It is instant love.

All my fears of the worst happening (not being abe to see baby and getting a hard time off the ex) have not materialised. In fact, she, her family have been absolutely excellent. It is a complete turnaround. I am so, so delighted.

I genuinely think, having talked to her, that she is going to fine with me, as I am with her, and that we are going to be the greatest parents we can be to our baby son, whatever the circumstances are between us.

Seeing that newborn gorgeous baby has taken away all the pain and troubles of the last 8 months. I am so glad that I followed advice and did not do or say anything silly to the ex girlfriend, when it would have been far easier to vent my understandable anger and frustration back at her.

I have managed to not make things worse between us by following Talaniman and others' advice, and this really has, I think, enabled things to be easy, not-at-all awkward, and I am sure we have the foundation to be friendly with each other, co-operative and good parents.


Perhaps, (again, as people on here said to me) I under-estimated the impact of hormones, her relatively young age (18), the fact she will be very scared of what's happening to her body, added to the fact that others will have been filling her head with all sorts of crap. Yes she may have drunk and been obnoxious, but really NONE OF THAT MATTERS. It is all water under the bridge, and like I said that baby has made me, and her, the happiest people on this planet.


I don's expect us to get back together, and it doesn't have any bearing on how we will bring up our baby, but never say never. Maybe, just maybe, one day there is a chance we can all be together. I won't rule it out. With work and mutual commitment, who knows? I'm not going to jump the gun or get hopes high for no reason, but I think it is also healthy to keep an open mind and to go with the flow. I have learnt some very important lessons about myself and about how to react to situations with the girlfriend. In all I feel I have come out of this a far more mature person, and her too.


Yours happy,

Snuffy :)

Ps That baby is 100% mine, he is my double. :) I love my life right now.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Congrats!! That's awesome, couldn't be happier for you!

[jrsg]

ps That baby is 100% mine, he is my double. :) I love my life right now.

That's great! We are all really happy for you! Good luck, and you have a great adventure ahead of you! I hope you enjoy the ride!
Congratulations again,
-Jamie

[westnlas]

Congratulations. The fact that you and the mother will never be together does unfortunately have great bearig on the way the baby develops. That's kind of sad, but I am sure you will do the best you can for awhile. Again, CONGRATULATIONS.

Any fool can sire a child. It takes a man to be a father.

[snuffy]

Congratulations. The fact that you and the mother will never be together does unfortunately have great bearig on the way the baby develops. That's kind of sad, but I am sure you will do the best you can for awhile. Again, CONGRATULATIONS.

Any fool can sire a child. It takes a man to be a father.

Never say never ;)

If it ever becomes what we both want, and can be truly a loving and healthy relationship then we can be together one day. (I'm just saying that I don't expect it and that it won't affect how we individually and mutually love and raise our beautiful baby.)


Everything happens for a reason.

Que sera sera.

All we are btoh concened with at the moment is putting our baby as the number one priority and he will remain the number one priority no matter what happens between me and baby mother.

[Chery]

Congrats!

So glad to hear that she let you in on this special event and that you did get to see him.

Some dads tend to get jealous because the baby needs more attention, but since you don't expect any, you'll be able to give the baby as much attention and love without the 'what about me' part. That will relieve the mom of a lot of stress too - so play your cards right and you might just wind up raising a happy kid together.

Try your best to tolerate her family so that their influence will fade...

Good luck.

[simoneaugie]

You have much to be proud of, and a whole lot to look forward to. Keep growing.

[Moomin]

Many many congratulations! What fantastic news! I think you will make a fab father!

[snuffy]

I got my very first father's day card yesterday too. That was a nice touch.

Seeing baby again tomorrow, I am very excited!

I guess the lesson to learn is that things can end up being a lot better than you expect and that the advice was right to be very very patient (to the point of bending over backwards) and appreciating the difficulty that a girl is in when pregnant.

I can honestly say that seeing our baby makes up for all the pain I have ever suffered in the past. My outlook has changed forever.

All so far so good.

Thanks for all your invaluable advice people, and thanks for being there when I have had times of trouble.

Snuffy.

[starlite1]

Hi Snuffy,

Congratulations!! I wish you all the best! I am so happy for you! And Happy Belated Father's Day :)

[tiamokiss]

Ohhhh Congrats Snuffy :) Good luck in rasing him up!

[Alty]

Congrats Snuffy. Any pictures?

[snuffy]

Here; pictures of baby's very first feed, at 20 minutes old, and above, a picture of him on Father's day.


Snuffy

[J_9]

Congrats Snuffy! He is absolutely gorgeous! A little bundle from heaven!!

How much did he weigh? I'm guessing about 7 pounds 4 ounces?

[snuffy]

Congrats Snuffy! He is absolutely gorgeous! A little bundle from heaven!!!

How much did he weigh? I'm guessing about 7 pounds 4 ounces?

Thank you, he is beautiful!

6lbs 13 1/2oz

[J_9]

Ah, I was close! LOL

Babies are such miracles!! I am thankful every time I deliver a beautiful and healthy baby, and to watch the interaction of the families.

You will make a great Daddy, I'm sure of that!!