[Ash123]

In 1 1/2 weeks kids are home... new life can breathe into your house.

Just remember:

Where there is an end, there can be a beginning.

[PAMD]

Ok... today is her birthday and for some reason I'm overcome by anxiety... I really can't work or concentrate. I just keep thinking of her and wondering if she is thinking of me etc. I decided not to send a card after much thinking and it actually was an incredibly tough and sad decision... I'm actually really trying my hardest not to send one of those corny e-cards!!
It has been over a month for the break-up and 2 weeks of no contact (it seems like forever on both counts! ) The NC is both good and bad... I feel that I'm moving 2 steps forward and 1 back. Several conversations and dates with others, but just doesn't feel right yet and I'm comfortable again with "the single life" now that school has started and we are back on a normal child custody schedule. However, on days like this I just want to talk to her and be her best friend again and I think about her and how she is doing and I want to reach out soooo badly but can't. :(
I'm still bothered by the fact that we had all the love in the world and she just seemed to give-up and not want to work through the "future" issues...
Well another anniversary is coming up September 23... I'm hoping I'll be fine until then!! :)

[Ash123]

Well done.

You are making progress. You did the right thing. The pain you feel is real, so don't feel guilty... Just let it come out. Don't feel guillty.

And PLEASE remember to pair each sad/bad thought with a good one, so you condition yourself to not associate her with only depression but an opportunity:

-so, if you think, you are skipping her birthday. You must also think you just got a day of freedom...
-if you think you are now without her, add the thought of how glad you are your kids are there etc.

WORK WORK WORK WORK....and the end will be a victory!!

[Homegirl 50]

Every day you are will get easier. You really are doing the right thing by staying away and leaving her alone. Concentrate on your children.

[PAMD]

It has now been one month of NC and more than 1 1/2 months since the break-up and I still feel horrible... I want to call her so bad and see how she is, how her son is doing in school, how her daughter is coming along in her pregnancy... basically how her life is! I miss having her in my life... I'm still incredibly confused as to the reason for the break-up... I just don't get it! I don't know if I can truly move forward without really understanding... I know she mentioned the kids... can that really be it after two years and sooo close to a full commitment? Everything else was great! I know she had other issues, but why would she give up so abruptly/quickly without trying to work through them.
The weeks the kids are with me go much better... this week they are with their mother... it's impossible for me to be completely occupied and not think of her... Even when I go out, the dates don't feel right because I want her back and probably in the back of my mind I don't want to let go of her... I've been to several therapist appointments and that has brought some enlightenment into her behavior, but I just can't buy into the fact that I was too good for her as they mention(my girlfriend did mention that early on too)
I don't know what to do... I want to call and talk... the last time I did we came very close to getting back together, could that happen again after a month of NC or am I lost in her mind? I don't even know if she thinks of me anymore... the silence is really driving me nuts...

[Homegirl 50]

I think you need to just deal with the fact that this relationship is over.. Not maybe, but OVER. Move on with your life.

[hettie]

I know just how you feel only luckily in my case there were no kids involved well only his and they were grow up so not such an issue. He has met someone else while I struggle to accept the sudden abrupt departure he made lie you with no real reason just that he was unhappy. I do genuienly wish him every happiness in his new relationship and hope I can move on and do the same soon until then we really just have to take one day at a time not expect too much of ourselves allow ourselves to grieve for a love lost and not rush out on date we are not ready for. Take the time alone to heal and move on hope it all goes well for you keeps us posted xx

[talaniman]

She has her hands full, and needs no pressure from you. Find something to keep you busy when your kids aren't there. I think we all see she is devoting her time to her daughter, and has a grandchild to concentrate on.

[PAMD]

Talk about bad timing... I was on my way to a date last night and for the first time in the past month I crossed paths with my ex... well sort of... she was in her car behind me and followed me a good way to the restaurant, there is also a grocery store nearby and when I made a turn she continued straight and I could see her turn her head my direction...
How can something so small like that get me feeling so blue? It totally through me off kilter! I looked to see if she pulled in the grocery store, but I couldn't tell and then I was wondering where she was going? Does she have a boyfriend already? Or did I miss her turning in the grocery store? Man, I hope I really don't bump into her in person because I don't know if I can handle it... I'm tearing up just thinking about it and typing now... I wish the blues would go away...
The date turned out well though and I believe that we will see each other again in the next few weeks!

[Ash123]

It's been a month and a half...That is only a small step in healing time.

You are in the "main pain" stage.

If you can accept that you all may not be soulmates, a call to her might relieve some pain-temporarily. Get some closure I would hope... maybe meet for coffee and the final goodbye. I do not see a future here. But I do see a spiral... If you cannot hold to the NC 3 month starter plan - then: 1) get therapy 2) get a vacation 3) get a conversation.

But rememeber - she does not want this relationship. If you need to straighten something out so be it... she cares for you, but feels guilty because she cannot be everything. And she never will be - so don't make her try... maybe you all can be supportive friends one day - I think she could do that.

Hang in here PAMD

[LEILA007]

I think the fact that you stated a few times she is not a kid person should be the alarm. Maybe 4 kids for her is too overwhelming espeically 3 that are not hers. I would be very cautious as to puttin this back 2-gether. Your children are your #1 concern. " accept my children the way u accept me for my children are a part of my being" jtrsj.. I think for the sake of your kids you should let this go by.. I guy like you woman look for. She is there somewere.

[Ash123]

Chicks like guys with kids, man....It shows you are fertile and responsible and a provider.

You have mojo you are wasting on this woman!!

Remember that. It's not a liability.

**As for her birthday "hello card/email" NO WAY!

You need to demonstrate that you are not in a holding pattern... and she needs to feel that... (and she understands deep down.)
Sending a card would hurt you more than not sending one to her!

[PAMD]

It's been a month and a half...That is only a small step in healing time.

You are in the "main pain" stage.

If you can accept that you all may not be soulmates, a call to her might relieve some pain-temporarily. Get some closure I would hope....maybe meet for coffee and the final goodbye. I do not see a future here. But I do see a spiral....If you cannot hold to the NC 3 month starter plan - then: 1) get therapy 2) get a vacation 3) get a conversation.

but rememeber - she does not want this relationship. if you need to straighten something out so be it....she cares for you, but feels guilty because she cannot be everything. and she never will be - so don't make her try....maybe you all can be supportive friends one day - i think she could do that.

hang in here PAMD

I don't think that I can accept that we may not be soulmates... I think my mind is wondering way too much because I never did get closure... just that her "dating relationship" idea wouldn't work and we haven't spoken since... seems a bit late to ask for a closure meeting, anyway I think meeting her I would probably crack and perhaps get false hope and not address the situation properly and spiral further... NC probably is the best stance for many various reasons but it is incredibly hard!

[talaniman]

No Contact is incredibly hard, and I highly recommend it.

[PAMD]

i Wish I Could Nc My Thoughts/feelings/mind.....

[PAMD]

Well, after 2 months of a break (I know it's not long, but it seems forever) and over 50 days NC... Curiosity got the best of me and after several therapy sessions, I just had a BIG need to UNDERSTAND why.
It started when I saw her son Saturday afternoon walking his bike through town... since he was walking the bike I stopped and asked if he could use any help. It turned into a nice 5 minute conversation about Boy Scouts, school, friends etc nothing about his mother... other than tell her hi.
It was the first time I had any real "contact" or connection with her since NC... and I thought I was at a good place, so I sent her an e-mail saying I saw her son and I was happy to see him adjusting so well to the new school, activities and how responsible he was acting and that it really warmed my heart... and I left it just at that.
She replied to the e-mail rather promptly with a "Hi Back!" and said yes her son told her that he saw me and that he has been doing well and a few details about that. She then told me about her plans for the coming weekend kind of out of nowhere and then ended I'm sure you're also keeping busy since it's soccer season! I hope you and the kids are all doing well!
I thought an odd ending since she's not a kid person... so I e-mailed back and told her my honest thoughts... that it's been a roller coaster past few months and I have been very busy but I still think about her often. I really was conflicted about sending the first e-mail because it brought back so many memories and that time has helped me cope, little by little, (if not understand) and I missed talking to her and I hope she is happy. Then I asked a few questions about her life... nothing personal just everyday conversation.
She responded the following day, apologizing for the delay... I guess as to not hurt my feelings. The response was rather straight forward answering the questions that I asked and did put some emotion into it with smiley's and I could just sense it too. She has been keeping herself incredibly busy and by Wed night she finds herself overwhelmed and tired... (I've heard that before in regards to our relationship) It was revealing in one answer when she mentioned that she just wants to concentrate on her son... and that being away a few evenings wouldn't help that.
So, all my feelings came rushing back... I wanted to hug her, console her, comfort her, help her not feel overwhelmed... just like the old days. So I emailed her back and told her that and I thought I could have "friendly conversation" but obviously not. And not to be dramatic, but I have to let time do some healing again and that it was great catching up with her. Wished her and her kids the best and bye.
But I still needed to understand... So I called her and it turned out that she really doesn't understand... she wanted to move in, but not move in and if we don't move in, how long does that last, she was annoyed about the kids and that was really it, but she can't understand it herself. I think something in her past has to have her severely scarred. Then she mentioned something negative about me and that I'm intelligent but lack wisdom and made an incredible stretch with that example... I said there are always going to be things that may bother you about the other person, but all the good certainly outweighs the bad. I feel like she thinks she doesn't deserve a respectful, honest, open relationship... and that counselling would be good for her and us if she ever chose to overcome the annoyances and that as my kids grow and mature, those annoyances will go away... Her thoughts were very short-sighted and almost scared and that probably justifies the abruptness of it all. Funny how she just seems to skip or not express all the drama in her life and focuses on the minor drama/annoyances of mine...
Well that's an incredibly long story, but having a little understanding, (that there is no understanding on her part) I feel renewed in my NC and feel like I can move on again and not look back!!

[Homegirl 50]

Good for you.