[tazma95]

I meant when I'm on school holidays my hours at work are the same as when I'm at school.This week is the first week I've had off in ages I'm on paid leave I get four weeks holiday a year paid for. I don't want to talk to her anymore I don't see how it will make a difference were just never going to get along its usless. I don't care anyway she can yell at me all ahe likes I'm just no going to listen anymore.I know she is upset at me for taking the pills but I'm sick of being treated like this I just wish my dad was here he would understand I always got along good with dad

[J_9]

Honey, in all honesty, she is worried about losing you like she lost her husband. Those pills can be deadly in that combination.

Look at it this way... You lost your dad. Wouldn't you be mad as he! If you knew your mother was driving drunk every day and you were afraid you could lose her at any time and be alone in this world?

She cares for you. Sure she may have overreacted, but she's scared. She's afraid you will die too, as far as the pills go.

As far as the boyfriend, I know you told us you broke up with him, but she's afraid you will get pregnant and you won't reach your full potential.

I can tell you that if I found out my 17 year old was following the same dangerous path you are, I wouldn't be as lenient as your mother is. My daughter would be on "house arrest." I would be taking her from school and picking her up. The door to her room would be removed and while she was at school every day I would be searching her room. No phone, no TV, no cell phone, no computer.

While you may think that this is your body and you can do with it what you want, that is further from the truth. You may be mature, but you don't have the life experience to make such life changing decisions.

Believe it or not, but it's the truth, your brain is not yet fully developed at this point in your life. You are ten feet tall and bullet proof. Children your age all think "this won't happen to me." You haven't experienced enough of the real world to know that these things DO happen to kids like you.

You seem extremely intelligent and very driven to get the things you want out of life. But you fail to see the bigger picture.

[talaniman]

Did you ever think that you are so wrapped up in your own wants and needs, that you fail to understand your mom is hurting too? She is the one with no one who listens to her, or loves her, or can protect her. You are lucky, and don't know it.

[tazma95]

I know I'm lucky I thik about that everyday, I could have lost both my parents.I know mum is hurting and I do love her and care for her.Am I being selfish to want to talk to my mum I don't want to have a relationship like this with her I want to be able to talk to her and not be yelled at. I know I can be bad tempered and yell at her I know were not always going to get along but it upsets me that she either yells or just doesn't talk to me you have no idea how frustrating that is. Id rather be punished then just ignored.I know from reading what yous have said about my boyfriend that I made the wrong choice in dating him and sleeping with him and the pills probably weren't the best way to keep up with my studies and I'm going to change that but it would have been nice to just be able to talk to my mum about it. Im not trying to complain about her but I just feel like when I lost my dad I lost mum to, she never use to yell at me and they always had time to listen to what I had to say even if they didn't agree with it they still listened.

[talaniman]

Do your best, to do the right things, and I feel you will both start the healing process, and talk and listen to each other. It may take time, but it will happen.

[Alty]

I'm coming into this thread late, but I've read all the posts, and I have one suggestion.

Tazma, how would you feel about letting your mom read this thread? She can read all of your posts, and all of the responses you've received. Maybe if she hears from strangers how we view what you've posted, it will urge her to get both of you some counseling, so that you can try to form some sort of relationship.

I've never lost a spouse (knock on wood) but I did lose both of my parents within 6 1/2 months of each other. I was very angry, very lost, and very hurt when that happened. For a long time I just wanted to die myself. I wasn't a child, I was 30 when they died, and I had a child of my own, but I needed them, still do, and their loss still affects me to this day.

I know you lost your dad, and I'm so very sorry that you had to go through that. Your mom lost her husband. She lost the man that was supposed to be by her side forever. The man that would help her pay the bills, help her raise you, be there for her when she was sad, or needed someone to talk to. It's only been 2 years. Two years isn't that long sweetie. She's still grieving, and it sounds like she doesn't know how to handle that grief. Instead of holding you in her arms and letting you know how much she loves you, and doesn't want to lose you, she yells because she's afraid that you will make a decision that will either kill you (the pills) or ruin your life forever (sex with a 21 year old man).

Most of the people that have answered your question are parents. Many of us have kids close to your age. All of us would die for our kids, because that's what parents do. We love you kids beyond reason. You are our reason for living, and we want only the best for you. When you talk about your mom what I hear is that she loves you very much. You're all she has left. She just doesn't know how to communicate that.

You both need to be able to learn to talk to each other, to communicate without hurting each other. You both need counseling before you end up destroying your relationship completely.

Urge her to come here and read your thread, maybe we can get through, and both of you can learn how to deal with each other and make the time you have together less hostile.

Is that something you're willing to do?

[tazma95]

Do you think it will make a difference if she read this I don't want to upset her if she reads that I wrote I hate her. I don't won't to make things worse won't she get mad that I wrote stuff about her. I don't know I don't want to make things worse.HOw would you react to what I wrote? If you think it's a good idea ill ask her but I don't want to make things worse

[Cat1864]

Tazma, if you decide to show it this thread to her, be honest about being angry, hurt and frustrated when you wrote some of the posts.

I don't think anyone here believes you actually hate your mother. I think you love her a lot, but you are hurting as much as she is.

She may be hurt, but, hopefully, she will also realize how much you are hurting.

How are you feeling about your mother now that you are calming down and seeing things from a different perspective?

[tazma95]

Im really upset with her at the moment I came home from being out and she started yelling at me acussing me of seeing my boyfriend well ex she said some pretty nasty things I can't believe she would say them things to me I'm not even going to bother to get her to read what I wrote what's the point. I just needed to get out of the house away from her its not easy being in the same house as her anymore I can't handle it.I love her but she had no right to call me them names.I tired to bite my tongue and walk away but I just couldn't I needed to defend myself, I think I just made it worse she told me I was grounded,I've never been grounded,she said that if I don't start being good she is going to send me to boarding school. I don't care she can send me away I would love that get away from her. Seriously I don't know what she wonts from me I stopped seeing my ex which wasn't that easy and I haven't touched any of the pills. If she doesn't even trust me when I go out to see friends then she can just send me away. She has really hurt my feelings saying those things I don't believe my own mother would say those things how could she. And I just wanted things to get better between us now I don't care I can't stop crying and I hate her

[J_9]

Hun, I am very sorry she is calling you names and yelling at you. That is really hurtful.

You also should understand that you broke her trust and trust is not easily earned and even harder to earn back.

The best thing you can do right now is not to yell back. Be extremely polite and use your manners. Listen to everything she says and follow ALL rules. Work hard around the house, do dishes, laundry, vacuum, etc.

She is very hurt and angry at your recent behavior. It's going to take a while for this to blow over.

[tazma95]

It's a bit hard not to yell back at her when she is being so nasty, I know I messed up but she doesn't have to say them things to me. Im trying to do the best I can.I just feel so depressed at the moment I just won't to lock myself in my room and never come out.I feel really bad I said some pretty nasty things to her myself I tried to say sorry but she just told me to go away she doesn't want to see me everything is falling apart I can't believe its like this.I think she should just send me to boarding school at least then she will have time to be away from me seeing as she is so angry with me.I didn't ever think what I was doing was going to have such an impact on our relationship boy was I wrong everything is a mess.Before she went into my room everything was fine we never really talked much but at least we didn't argue and she didn't yell at me.

[J_9]

Right now it's just time to be quiet and do exactly as she says. When things calm down in a day or two you need to go to her and tell her you are sorry. Make her a card or a gift, leave it on her pillow before she goes to sleep.

[88sunflower]

I also am coming to this thread late. Wow, is all I can say. If this wasn't me 22 years ago I don't know who it was. I was there. I know how you are feeling. My mom always went through my room. She read my diary. Ripped me apart. To this day I won't keep a journal because of what she had done. But at the same time you are lucky. I wish I had your mom. Mine, didn't care. I was the last of six. An abortion before I was born and one after I was born. Lucky I am here right? She also buried two sons. Broke up the marriage and I was left home with her. She couldn't care less. She read my diary and loved it. She had things to gossip about. She didn't care I had drinking issues back then. Still do and she still loves to gossip about it. She thrived on all my negatives so she could run me down around town. But I turned out OK. I stand tall. I am a proud mother of a 7 year old son with two college degrees. I worked hard for what I have and am happy for that.

You be happy for her concerns. You be happy you didn't lose both parents at the same time. You be happy you have a roof over your head and you have someone keeping you fed and warm. One thing I don't understand is you being 15 and paying half the bills? Makes no sense to me.

Look at her feelings. She lost her husband. She is alone as you feel you are. She is now alone with a teenage daughter. She has never had a teenage daughter before I am assuming. You have never been a 15 year old before. Your learning the ropes together. Each day is a new day. I am sure she is aching inside for her loss as you are to. You are given this chance to open new doors and make this work. Talk to her. First of all, if you knew what you were doing was right then why didn't she know? Pills? 21 year old? She would have known if it was OK. Now is the time to open up and talk. Tell her your struggles. Tell her your sorry and you miss your father as equally as she misses her husband. Half her "quietness" could be stemming from her pain inside. Having to now raise you alone. Its hard being a parent. No matter what age you are. We worry sick. I worry sick nonstop. My son says I need to be on "The Worlds Strickest Parents" he is maybe right. I have him in a bubble.

Please let her look at this thread. So what if you said you hated her. I hear it all the time. I know its not for real. This is your chance to open the lines of communication and make things better and right.

[Alty]

Do you think it will make a difference if she read this i dont want to upset her if she reads that i wrote i hate her. I dont wont to make things worse wont she get mad that i wrote stuff about her. I dont know i dont want to make things worse.HOw would you react to what i wrote? If you think its a good idea ill ask her but i dont want to make things worse

How would I react? I'd be hurt, but not because of the words you said, but because I made you feel that way. I'd be upset that you're so desperate for my love and attention, my praise and pride, that you're willing to hurt your own body by taking pills just to make me proud of you.

I'd be sad that I mad you feel this way. I'd be sad that I spent so much time on my own grief that I forgot that you're grieving too. I'd be angry at myself for not realizing sooner that I'm part of the problem.

That's how I'd feel if I were your mother and I read this thread.

Then, after drying my eyes, I'd give you a hug, tell you how sorry I am, and I'd find some way for the two of us to get back our relationship, to work together, to be a family instead of just two people living in the same house, feeling the same sorrow.

You're a kid. I know you don't want to believe that, but you really are still a kid. There's too much on your plate, too much for you to handle alone, and your mom should be helping you. Being a teen is hard.

If the two of you could learn to talk to each other, if you could rebuild the trust she once had in you, I think you two would have an awesome relationship. You just have to find some way to bridge the gap.

Your thread really got to me. I don't usually take the time to read many of the teen threads on this site. Too many of them are "I want, I deserve, I'm so mature", when it's very obvious that they aren't. In most of those threads the teens are the problem. You made a lot of mistakes, but when the wise people of this site told you the dangers you listened. Not right away, but eventually you listened and realized the danger of the things you were doing, and you stopped. I'm proud of you, and I think that if your mom read this thread from beginning to end, and saw the progress you've already made, and the pain that you're feeling, she would understand that you're a good kid, you just need some guidance, not yelling, not screaming, but rules, and a lot of love.

If it were me, I'd ask my mom to read this thread. It may make her upset at first, but I really think that once she reads not only your posts but ours, that maybe a light bulb will go off in her head, and she'll realize that some of the this is on her, and that it's not too late to fix things between the two of you.

I hope you continue to post. I can't be your mother, but I can tell you that I care about what happens to you. You got lucky, you stumbled onto a site that I would let my own kids post on. The people here are the best people I've never met, and I'd trust every one of them with my kids. We may not be able to fix your problems, but we can listen, we can give you advice, and we can lend a shoulder for you to lean on if you need it.

[88sunflower]

A boat load of greenies to Alty.

I am still wondering why at 15 your paying half the bills. Could you explain that? Your just a baby. (in a sense to us old hags here)

[talaniman]

You could help your case a lot by being considerate. Let your mom know where your off to when you "just need some air" either by telling her or leaving a note . Then she won't have to worry and think the worst, when you disappear.

I would have you doing that any way. There are probably many small things you could do to tone down on her yelling at you if you thought about it before you acted. Its not that hard. Just think of how others, especially your mom, perceive what you want to do. Parents are not mind readers. And we do fear the worse.

[tazma95]

I probably exaggerated a bit when I said I pay half the bills its not half mum just thinks that I should contribute the to the house so I can learn to manage money and how to pay bills.I give her 200 a fortnight I work a lot and earn good money so I don't mind. I know I have to be considerate tell her where I'm going well I suppose I should ask her really if I can go. Im just not use to it she never really cared before well she did care she just trusted me before. That's something I have to work on doing. I feel really bad after having a fight with her and have been trying really hard to do all the right things and I've kind of just been staying out of her way.Im not sure about getting her to read this yet I don't want her to get angry with me

[talaniman]

A simple apology for being a brat, maybe?? That usually worked for me when I had to correct bad behavior from my own kids... they still were grounded though, and had to serve it out.

[88sunflower]

Why not a big hug? Why not just open the discussion and work things out.

Your both going to be fine. Your growing and it's a tough age in general. No matter what. She is still grieving I am sure also. Together you will have bad times and good times. But together you will grow. One day you may resent her. The next you may find she is your best friend. She may also share those feelings. Nothing in life is easy. But in the end when you're an adult you will see the big picture and thank her for her troubles. She will probably even tell you that you are a good kid.

[tazma95]

I wish it was that easy to give her a big hug believe me there have been heaps of times when I've really wanted to. Its not that easy to talk to her when she's so mad. I know where not always going to have good times but and were going to argue but it would be nice to have some good times. I know mum is still sad about dad but I don't know what to say to her I don't like saying anything about him it makes her sad and it makes me get upset to.I know I deserved to get grounded for saying those things to her I haven't complained about it and I have been doing what yous said doing things around my jobs around the house plus extra. I've been giving her heaps of space keeping right out of her way. Hopfully she will stop being angry with me