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fisk · Mar 9, 2010, 01:07 PM

A colleague 's been given a job opportunity, because she was lucky and I wasn't. I don't feel like giving all the details, but let's just say it was purely a matter of luck which she had and I didn't. She's doing this 'job' on Friday, and when I read about it on Facebook, I just felt the injustice. And I felt jealous.

This will pass of course, but when I feel like this I realize that this jealousy feeling is not unknown to me, because I'm constantly jealous of people having their mum, since I lost mine when I was 10. Every time they talk on the phone with her, they talk of her, now it's mother's day this weekend, I just feel so jealous. I wish I had her. Why did I have to grow up without her? Why me when everyone else hasn't?

I hate feeling like this. But as I said in the thread title, the feeling is there. Deep down, but it is. What can I do to stop feeling like this? :(

Gemini54 · Mar 9, 2010, 09:07 PM

The type of jealousy you seem to be describing is a sort of envious self comparison with others.

You see someone that's been promoted and you compare yourself to them, you see people that have mothers and you compare yourself to them - all the while worrying that they have something you don't.

But as you've found, by thinking this way you render yourself helpless and dis-empowered - which is most probably how you felt when your mother died. So, your envious feelings are most likely taking you back to that time, when as a young girl your mother was sadly taken away from you.

The first step to deal with any problem is admitting you're got one - which you've done. Well done. So the second step might be to talk to a professional counselor to help you deal with things that happen in your life, over which you have no control - for example, the unfortunate death of your mother, and the colleague's lucky promotion - and to help you accept them without feeling helpless or envious.

I guess it's about changing the way you think about things, and I'm sure there are other people in this Forum that can give you really good techniques to do this.