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neverme · Feb 26, 2010, 12:40 PM

Look either you trust your boyfriend or you don't.

No trust=No relationship. End of.

He goes out and you text him as a joke saying you saw him, eh why? If I was going out with someone who is, by your own admission, incredibly needy and then as I'm out with my friends they text me saying they can see me, I would, in all honesty, think they were a massive weirdo.

That may seem a little harsh, but it is really as I would see it.

If you think there is something up with your boyfriend, you ask him about it. You don't concoct possible reasons for this in your head and go off the head at a friend on Facebook who may or may not be flirting with your boyfriend. You trust him, he says he wants to be with you by this actions, of being with you! That's it. If you want to know more you ask HIM.

I would strongly suggest you go to a counselor about not only your depression but also your abandonment issues. Take yourself out of your comfort zone. Meet new people. Start a new hobby. Get yourself worth back. No one can love you enough for two people, him AND YOU.

I am not saying any of this to hurt you, I just think you need a bit of a reality check.

xshorty_jessx · Mar 1, 2010, 02:05 PM

Threads merged

I feel that my boyfriend is a major flirt, you would only need to look at his fb and understand what I'm on about! Girls everywhere on his wall, but there is one girl I proper hate, because he told me that him and her got close before, so it makes me uncomfortable when she sends him flirty messages she is obsessed with him because you can tell! Thing is he is writing back to her and it works me all up, I've tried telling him how it makes me feel but he gets all grumpy with me.
But at the moment I am mad about what happened Friday night we were at a party and they were some little tart flirting with everyone and she stuck her arse out in front of my fella and he went and slapped it, the look on his face and him laughing hurt me, so I got really upset and started crying and he was telling everyone he didn't know what was up with me the cheek of it! So when I confronted him he made out it was just a joke but other week I got dared to smack this lads arse but I said no! I see it as it's wrong to do that when you're with someone, after I ended up having to say sorry to him and finding him because he buggered off with his mate not giving a dam he said he went off to get away from me because I peed him off but all I did was tell him how it made me feel, I would have gone home but my things was at his so I had to look like the soft one! Not just that I am just too good hearted!
Today that girl who writes to him on fb got her sis to write him a flirty message and got her to mention her so she commented on her wall post and said tut tut what would your girlfriend say if she finds out you have been chatting me up proper taking the pee out of me! When ever I confront him he either tries to changed the subject or says he doesn't use fb because it's crap but he writes back to her...
All I want is your opinions is he messing me around? Because I don't want another guy thinking he can walk all over me and get away with it? I'm just wondering if he is worth fighting for I love him so much though!

talaniman · Mar 1, 2010, 02:52 PM

If you can't handle his behavior, leave. Love or no, If it hurts to be with him, is he worth it? Doesn't sound like love to me. More like dependence.

xshorty_jessx · Mar 23, 2010, 07:37 AM

Threads merged

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly five months now, for the 1st two to three months we got on like an house on fire, I was so happy with him and I recently just come out of depression before we got together. After like the three month mark, we started having a lot of problems, but I don't know what I've been doing wrong, it sometimes feels like he is picking on me for no reason just to make arguments, I've fallen back into depression and I've realized that it's him that's making me this way I am really unhappy! When we get on this is when I feel happy and I start to fall even more for him so every time he has a go at me I cry, I feel pathetic and worthless! Also when we first got together he told me he didn't mind me texting him but now he does all of a sudden and he has ago at me for that! He never wants to spend the weekends with me it's always with his mates, the only time he sees me is on weekdays after work which isn't much because he does a 12:00-8:00Pm shift! 3 times a week. Before he used to complain about hardly seeing me but I don't get that because every bit of spare time we both got he doesn't use it to see me! The weekend just gone we went out but I wasn't meant to have come out but his mate got me to but during the night my boyfriend ended up having a proper go at me for no reason so I walked off but he ran after me and was hugging me and saying sorry so I forgave him, then when we went to the takeaway he started again and called me a slag and this really hurt me and his sister told him, that she didn't like that and asked if he meant it, and he said yes so I walked off again crying and he come after me again and got me to come back to his and he was holding me close and were telling me how much I meant to him telling me he needed me and would die if he lost me! So I don't get what's going on, since that night we have got on until now! Where he's told me that I am trying to control him because he's going to his mates house on sat, all I said was do you want to meet after and he told me I'm constantly in his face and smoothering him, he is making me well down I don't know what to do please help it's knocking me down :( I want to be with him but how do I get him to stop all this crap?

amicon · Mar 23, 2010, 07:57 AM

This is more of the same-I'm referring to your previous thread,and in my opinion its time to give up on this relationship.

You'd be better off single and happy than being in a relationship which constantly makes you question yourself.

Devorameira · Mar 23, 2010, 09:04 AM

First off you need to realize that men who actually love women treat them well and try to build up their self-esteem, they don’t tear it down like your boyfriend is doing.

In my opinion, your boyfriend is controlling and is verbally abusive. Verbally abusive men will eventually make you feel as if you are worthless and you will suffer both psychologically and emotionally. You are right when you said his behavior makes you depressed. Just remember - It will only get worse, unless you take control of your life.

You need to understand that no matter how much you love and care for him, the best thing you can do for yourself, is to get out of this relationship. He won’t make it easy for you. He will probably keep tying to make you go back to him, but you need to stand firm and leave the relationship. Tell yourself that you can get through it. Do things that you enjoy doing and keep yourself as busy as possible to stop thinking about him.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2010, 09:35 AM

You should leave him alone, and work on yourself esteem, and dignity, so you won't be so depressed, and subject yourself to his bad behavior.

xshorty_jessx · Apr 12, 2010, 03:13 AM

Threads merged yet again, shheeez!
Me and my boyfriend ended over the most pathetic little argument ever! It were over me getting jealous of this girl writing on his Facebook wall writing the most ridiculous crap I've ever seen, I was mad at him for letting her, she had been doing this the full 5 months of going out and it were getting out of hand, I were getting upset with him even writing back to her, because he doesn't even write a lot on my page! She actually was doing it to wined me up and I knew it because she said stuff like text me after work babe this made me rage because obviously he didn't see that but other people did, and the idiot went and told her it were getting to me so she started giving me crap, so I told him about it expecting him to stop it, did he heck! So we ended up having a big argument and splitting. But yet he still kept in contact with her, oh how much I hate that girl!
At first when we split he made it clear that he didn't want to get back with me so I told him goodbye and told him not to text back because I were going to delete all contact from him, I did it because I knew it would be easier to get over him, then he started texting me on his brake at work telling me his head were messed up and he were upset but it come up in a number instead of his name, so we both agreed that we would sort it, and I saved his number, he waited to have a lads night before he got back with me, this bothered me a little because I found it odd I had the feeling he were going to end up with another girl, I felt sick thinking about it and my mate was like I flirt with him you on't mind do you and I was getting so upset so I told him and he kept texting asking if I were okay. He got back with me the next day and he seemed happy about it. But now he seems a bit off with me he told me it felt strange and that his head were still messed up, he hasn't even bothered to tell anyone that were back together this is hurting me! I don't know what to do! He tells me that I'm his jess still and that he loves me but he isn't the person he were before, will he have to get used to being back with me or something he did say he wasn't used to this sort of thing because he hasn't had many girlfriends in his life, I just really hope it works out, must admit I feel a bit weird about getting back but I know it will start to improve because I've been through it loads and I told him this so he said we will try. I just need advice because I keep thinking that he doesn't really want to be with me and it's playing on my mind so much, I'm seeing him tonight though but I am really nervous, but maybe we will feel fine after seeing each other for the 1st time since splitting! Thanks for you time :)

taaam · Apr 12, 2010, 03:34 AM

First things first, for how long were you two separated?
Second; does he still have contact with that other person after he got back with you?

xshorty_jessx · Apr 12, 2010, 03:49 AM

Were deleting Facebook and about 4 or 5 days

taaam · Apr 12, 2010, 04:18 AM

Assuming that you're still young, then arguing over a such thing is very normal these days. I've seen it a lot, and experienced it a lot. If you have such faith in that it will improve, then stick to it. Give it time and don't rush anything too soon. Time is a very powerful thing as people say.

And if things aren't working out as you expected it would, leaving in the only choice.

Jake2008 · Apr 12, 2010, 04:28 AM

Maybe you are hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. Sort of a defense mechanism in case things don't work out.

The problem with resuming a relationship with problems is, if the problems are not addressed, the foundation of the relationship will just keep on crumbling.

Your jealousy and insecurity of this other girl, even when you knew she was winding you up, caused you to split with him. That is not a sign of maturity. Talking it out is, and I mean talking, not arguing. If something like that can end your relationship, what makes you think it won't happen again.

That's what I mean about working the problems out before jumping back in. If he has given you reason to doubt his commitment, talk about it. If he is unsure what he wants and why, talk about it. Communication, as hard and difficult as that might be, is the only way to understand eachothers needs and wants.

After you both learn how to talk to each other about issues serious enough that have ended the relationship once already, you may find common ground, and common goals to work on together. It is the only way the relationship will work.

Be realistic, and don't expect things to magically be better, without working out the issues of the past. Only then will you have an idea if the relationship is worth saving.

xshorty_jessx · Apr 13, 2010, 05:21 AM

We had a heart to heart last night and he admitted a few things, and told me he were being an idiot with me, but also said we both did things wrong which is normal, he even called me gorgeous and said he should make me feel special every now and then! He also told me this girl sent him a marriage request and he asked her why she did it, so she replied by saying to wined everyone up and he told her to do one, he also said he let her know we were sorting it, and I asked why he told her and he said because I wanted her to know, I've been thinking about it, you're not to blame she is, I've thought about your point of view while we have been split. And he told me he wanted to make it work this time, were deleting Facebook and ignoring what anyone has to try and stir up so I feel happy for the first time in ages, so thanks guys for all the support, fingers crossed that mine and his relationship works! :)

amicon · Apr 13, 2010, 05:26 AM

Keep talking, honest communication is essential.

Good luck.

xshorty_jessx · Apr 20, 2010, 03:24 AM

I'm probably going to sound quite clingy on this post, but what I'm doing I can't stop!
My boyfriend likes to go out with the lads, but whenever he does I get offended that he doesn't want me to come along and I get really mad and upset because I'm quite lonely when I'm not with him as most of my friends are pregnant or have kids so I don't have much choice of what to get up to so I just stay in on the laptop and this is really depressing me not to mention I have depression anyway, I really want to do something about this! But another thing that won't go away from my mind is that he's going away for a week soon and this has upset me the worst because I think I will miss him well too much.
When I haven't seen him in a while I get moody and upset and grumpy with my family! I just feel like hiding away until he comes back, I keep thinking to myself why would he want to leave me for a week away, he obviously doesn't care or miss me like I do for him and it's hurting me a lot! I just want to overcome this because I know he has to have time with the lads for us to have a healthy relationship, I must admit I do get nervous about him cheating on me because of his past which he told me about but he promised that he would never go behind my back, but he is a good looking bloke and he always gets girls chatting him up when he goes out and it really upsets me because I fear that he gets too drunk and gets to the stage of not thinking what he's doing because he does get into a state when drunk. I also don't like the guy he is going with, I feel like he is a bad influence, because we went to a party and he slapped this girls arse and got my boyfriend to do it and I truly hated it, that was it that night I couldn't enjoy myself, I felt really sick and it made me wonder what he was like when I wasn't there!
I just need some advice and tips on getting my head sorted I know I have something wrong with me otherwise I wouldn't get so upset about my boyfriend going out, but I think it mainly has something to do with me not earning much income so I am unable to make plans and go out this is really doing my head in so will be great full for a bit of help thanks!

xshorty_jessx · Apr 20, 2010, 03:42 AM

People who have read my posts probably think I'm off my head but I have a hell of a lot of crap on my mind.
A few week ago me and the boyfriend split this distraught me, but I decided to go out with my mate to get my mind off things but she was acting strange all night, she were texting someone and not letting me see, and she said to me "I flirt with Ste but do you mind?", I looked at her, I didn't know what to do or say, but truthfully I wanted to hurt her, who wouldn't though? I just say "no" but I found it hard for the rest of the night to keep my cool, she kept going off to ring him and wouldn't let me come she made it look so suspicious by looking at me and smirking at me. So I went off with my dad and he were like I don't like her she's a stirrer.
The next day me and the boyfriend got back, I told him about all of this and he didn't seem impressed and said that's no mate. About 3 days after of getting back my mate text me and asked why I hadn't been on Facebook for a while so I replied and told her it causes too much hassle and she text back with, Don't lie it's because Ste told you straight! this made me fume it's nothing to do with her the nosey cow! Anyway the weekend after getting back me and the boyfriend decided to go out to strengthen the relationship and guess who we bumped into yes her! And all night she were trying to drag me away from him and she whispered something to him and he stormed off so I obviously went after him and he told me what she said, she told him that he were ruining my night, but he really wasn't I were having a brilliant time. Later on in the night she insulted him by saying "bloody hell you need a bigger bra then me"! This made him upset, she were being a cow all night . The next day she text him telling him sorry and had the cheek to ask if he liked her dress the little slapper argh I hate her so much now. Also apparently a few week before we split she bumped into him in town and asked who were better looking out of me or her, I know what the hell? But he said me so I'm happy about that, please tell me what to do about this situation because it's driving me up the wall I just feel like killing her, I've had enough of people trying to ruin us I just want me and him to be free and away from hassle from others.

tickle · Apr 20, 2010, 03:57 AM

What you do is just ignore the shallow play for attention. If this is bothering you then you are just as immature as your friend.

Tick

Romefalls19 · Apr 20, 2010, 05:06 AM

Stay away from drama and this "friend" just ignore it. The more you let it bother you, the more she will do it.

Romefalls19 · Apr 20, 2010, 05:15 AM

You have a lot of self confidence and trust issues that YOU need to work on. It's like you want your boyfriend to stay with you 24/7 simply because you are home alone. You have to understand that to have a HEALTHY relationship, you have to have a life outside of the relationship. Who cares if girls chat him up, if he wants to cheat, he's going to, no matter what you try to do to avoid it.

By the way, being drunk isn't an excuse to cheat and doesn't make you any more or less likely to cheat. If you want to cheat, you will.

Cat1864 · Apr 20, 2010, 05:35 AM

Until this gets merged with the other thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-450160.html

I read your merged thread. (Please, please, keep adding to it instead of starting new threads. Your story needs to be kept together so everyone knows what is going on.)

I am going to be honest with you and it will probably seem a bit harsh.

You need to learn how to communicate with your boyfriend to set boundaries you can both stay inside. If you cannot work on it together and that means BOTH of you paying attention to what the other one says AND making compromises, then you need to break up and find other people.

You seem so intent on making him your anti-depressant that you are losing sight of the fact that he is a human being. He is not your therapist to be on-call 24/7. He has a right to have his own friends of his choosing. He has a right to be himself, not what you want to turn him into.

Through out all that I have read of your posts, there has been one glaring fact, you are all about you and I wonder if you really stop to think about what he wants or needs in a relationship.

Even when you mention that he has said he needs room, you turn it around to you. You need him to keep you happy. You need him to stop doing this or that to make you happy. You need him to understand how much you need him to be there and do things your way. You expect him to behave like you want him to behave. You expect him to understand when you are joking around.

You need to take responsibility for your own mental health and emotional well-being. Have you even looked into seeing a doctor about your feeling depressed? Have you made one step toward getting actual help instead of self-medicating?

You both would be much happier if you made the step toward getting a doctor's help and counseling.