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mahm6266 · Jul 29, 2007, 11:05 PM

When you are in love with one another and trust each other as well in a relationship, should you feel offended if your significant other says that he doesn't want to give you his information like his online passwords and his online cell statement password? He says that he doesn't want to give it because that's all I'm basing the relationship on which is totally not true. It wasn't as if he never gave it to me by the way. At one point I had all this information but now he just thinks its not important for me to have it. What do you think I should do? Fight for it some more or just let it go?

bushg · Jul 29, 2007, 11:08 PM

Yep, I would want to know why the hell he was hiding it for, all of a sudden!

mahm6266 · Jul 29, 2007, 11:11 PM

He says its because I'm basing it only on passwords when thts not it. I want it because I love him and I want to have it. I'm not basing the relationship on any pw just that I want to see what he's doing and who he talks to for the hell of it. Even though I know the people in his life.

bushg · Jul 30, 2007, 05:10 AM

When you are in a relationship why should there be secrets? I am not saying that you have to disclose your entire past. But the things that you do on a day to day basis why hide? Unless your trying to be a control freak, play mind games or are cheating or thinking about it

lisalou · Jul 30, 2007, 05:11 AM

I disagree, some people need privacy - for example, you might want to talk to a friend about your relationship, you should trust him you shouldn't need to have his passwords to prove that

bushg · Jul 30, 2007, 05:23 AM

Lisa I would agree, if it had been that way along. But for someone to all of a sudden change these things. Would be a red flag for me.

lisalou · Jul 30, 2007, 05:26 AM

Hmm yes true. I don't know, my ex never liked me having his passwords, I trusted him and I don't believe he ever did anything, its just that he liked to have some things just for him which I had to respect.

Foxy459459 · Jul 30, 2007, 08:02 AM

That's a real tricky situation, it sounds really shady to me. It sounds like he is hinding something from you, because if you had all his passwords before why would he of changed them? Did he give them to you before or did you figure them out? It sounds really shady to me I would deff look into it some more if I were you.

self_lnflicted_hell · Jul 30, 2007, 08:04 AM

"If there's nothing to hide than hide nothing"

lisalou · Jul 30, 2007, 08:06 AM

Ah see I disagree, I wouldn't want my aprtner reading EVERYTHING I wrote, I might have written something about him, I might have had a down day and not been sure about stuff and not wanted him to read it, I think its healthy to have a bit of stuff that's just for you. If you NEED to have access to every area of your partners life and can't trust them witout it then that's ridiculous.

Saying that, I would ask his reasons for giving the info to you in the beginning and why not now.

GlindaofOz · Jul 30, 2007, 08:08 AM

Did something happen to make him take back the passwords? I feel like we're missing some information here.

If nothing happened to have him take back the information then I'd say that yes, he's hiding something.

mahm6266 · Jul 30, 2007, 11:22 AM

Yes a lot of drama happened and we got into arguments and I would say oh I'm going to call this person if you don't do this etc etc. and the reason why he said he didn't want to give it to me was because he wants me to be with him without having anything. He gave it to me before because id force it out of him and what not. But I explained to him that I really want it and he did end up giivng it to me. Also I know he's not hiding anything from me because he's always busy with work and he just has no time to fool ard. It was just his tmobile pw online that I wanted so I can see who he calls and who calls him.

GlindaofOz · Jul 30, 2007, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by mahm6266

yes a lot of drama happened and we got into arguments and i would say oh im gona call this person if u dont do this etc etc. and the reason why he said he didnt wanna give it to me was because he wants me to be with him without having anything. he gave it to me befor because id force it out of him and what not. but i explained to him that i really want it and he did end up giivng it to me. also i know hes not hiding anything from me because hes always busy with work and he just has no time to fool ard. it was just his tmobile pw online that i wanted so i can see who he calls and who calls him.

Honey that's why he took it back! Because you were blackmailing him and quite frankly acting ridiculous.

Why do you want to see who he calls and who calls him? Why don't you trust your boyfriend? Because, this may be harsh and others may disagree, but only a jealous girlfriend who completely did not trust her boyfriend would DEMAND this information. Hate to say it but your lucky he hasn't broken up with you over this because I'll tell you right now if someone I was dating demanded passwords I'd demand the hit the bricks.

mahm6266 · Jul 30, 2007, 11:30 AM

He never broke up with me. We've known each other for 4 yrs and he's been running after me to get together with me ever since. He was the one who was after me asking me out going out of his way to see me and I never paid attention and just talked to him as friends because I didn't want to be in a relationship. Now we've been getting closer and I can say that I'm in love with the guy. But the thing is we can't get married because he's not from my cast. I'm 20 and he just turned 23. He told me that in about 2 yrs or so he will get married or his parents will start looking for someone for him. He loves me and just wants to be with me until one of us gets married because we love each other. I know its going to be hard for me later on when he gets married because chances are he will get married before I will. I just don't want to lose him and whenever we argue I go crazy threatening him. But now I've controlled that about myself and we are together.

GlindaofOz · Jul 30, 2007, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by mahm6266

he never broke up with me. we've known each other for 4 yrs and hes been running after me to get together with me ever since. he was the one who was after me asking me out going out of his way to see me and i never paid attention and just talked to him as friends because i didnt wanna be in a relationship. now we've been getting closer and i can say that im in love with the guy. but the thing is we can't get married because hes not from my cast. im 20 and he just turned 23. he told me that in abt 2 yrs or so he will get married or his parents will start looking for someone for him. he loves me and just wants to be with me til one of us gets married because we love each other. i know its gonna be hard for me later on when he gets married because chances are he will get married before i will. i just dont wanna lose him and whenever we argue i go crazy threatening him. but now ive controlled that abt myself and we are together.

You didn't answer my question, why don't you trust your boyfriend. Also why do you think that he doesn't deserve privacy? I don't understand that at all, everyone deserves privacy without fear of seeming deceiving in a relationship. Cut him some slack.

mahm6266 · Jul 30, 2007, 11:36 AM

I do trust him. I don't think he's going behind my back or what not. I just want it because I want to feel like as if I'm his girlfriend. Not just say that I am. There's no other reason.

GlindaofOz · Jul 30, 2007, 11:39 AM

How does having a password to someone's phone account prove that you are his girlfriend? Wouldn't the commitment that you have to one another trump anything else?

So by that logic he could be dating other girls but by you having that password You're the girlfriend?

I think you need to let it o and realize that how he treats you and how respectful he is of you and your relationship are what make it not some stupid password

Synnen · Jul 30, 2007, 11:54 AM

Hon... I've been with my husband for 11 years now.

We, too, had a blowup at one point, because he read something in my email that wasn't intended for his eyes, and he was hurt by it.

I changed my passwords that day, and will never again give them out to him. Not that I don't trust him... but my journal is on my computer, and my friends live in other parts of the world, so much of the time the only way we communicate is by email.

Sounds to me like you ARE basing it on passwords. If you really loved and trusted him, you wouldn't NEED them. In my opinion, sharing them is not a sign of trust--not needing them is.

bushg · Jul 30, 2007, 12:08 PM

Mahm after reading your reply's to Glindaofoz I have to agree with the people that say you do not need it. In fact after reading all of your post. I say you do not need this guy at all. You say that he can not marry you , his parents are picking out his mate. Well I have seen this before with muslim people that I know. Another thing, some of the arranged marriages that I am aware of, the man will continue with his girlfriend even after he is married. Please don't get yourself any deeper with this guy than you already are.I say you are in a no win situation and you are going to be heartbroken. You really need to start developing your own life and I think that you really need some counseling. If you will admit it you are very unhappy and insecure in this relationship, you know that it is only a matter of time before it is over.

Haplo · Jul 30, 2007, 12:46 PM

I'm much more concerned with her desire to have all this access. I feel there's an ulterior motive at work, like you don't trust him and you want to keep track of who he's talking to.

Trust issues are bad. Bad bad bad. And I'm sorry, but you sound like the one that is acting wacky. If you want to feel like his girlfriend, respect him by respecting his space, decisions and privacy.