[talaniman]

I think your kids are just happy to be with you, and their concerns should be addressed. They need you to be happy.

Even when I had nothing, my own children were always a source of strength, and motivation. Even in the simplest of things, we supported each other.

Just give them love, and attention when you can't give them presents, or extras. You will more than get it back.

Have you seen a doctor for a check up, maybe some additional help is needed, family friends. The last think to do is isolate yourself from other human support.

[DazzaGal]

My kids are my only source of strength, and they are really all I have, of course I want the best for them as most parents do, I don't mean with the extra presents and stuff that they could want, they really have been so understanding with all the things they have lost, material things,they are fantastic children, I clouldnt ask for better, but they have lost so much and they feel the pain, theyhave lost brothers and sisters and a father figure too, but shouldn't they be able to continue to see them or at least doesn't he need to explain to them that he cannot continue to see them- as they all wish to play a part in his life and his children's too- I cannot answer questions as to why he won't see them and its got really difficult to just shrug this off for them, hoping that they will just forget- none of the children are forgetting, and none of them will let it go either, like I said one of my children even ran away cause she wants to hear this from him, but he just won't even see her, I don't understand how someone could do this to any child, their own or others, after all these are the years that they are learning how to shape the rest of there lives.
Yes I am there mother but there is only so much I can do, I can't answer for him as much as I have tried to give them answers they just won't accept it.
Yes initially 7months ago when we first split I saw my doctor because I was losing weight and fast, I did not have much to begin with so this was quiet worrying, I didn't have the enthusiasm to get up in the mornings and I was no good to anybody not even myself, then one of my best friends passed away which made the whole situations worse for me cause I was left with nobody, my parents are not alive anymore and its just me. When he found out that my friend had passsed away he contacted me to see how I was, and he started to be there for me again as support, as we continued he said that he wanted to be there for me both as a friend and as my partner and we started to date again, we continued to date for around three months we didn't get the children involved because we wanted spend some quality time together just the two of us at first, but then it felt as though he was hiding me away, we had a long chat one day and I asked him where we were going as a couple because we had been having ime together and got on great and that we both needed to know what we were aiming for, as I was left feeling unsure of the whole thing- he said that he wanted to be with me and that we could work through things slowly together, but then he just seemed to pull away again saying that he was busy or whatever, we would spend times together not just sexually, we had days out and dinners and eves out and rarely it ended in sex, cause he had kids at home and I did too, so I know he wasn't using me for sex, although we both wanted to be close I mean
I haven't been back to the doctors since we have had no contact, I was starting to feel better but now I just seem to be going down again, I know that you arnt meant to make someone a priority in your life, but we had 8 children between us and it was difficullt for me not to because I was always running around after one of their needs, I have no family left and my only friend that was any good for me has died. I don't understand why he would do this and give me faulse hope, he knew what state I was in after my friend died, I know its not up to him to make me better and yes it starts with me, I understand that much, but how can you just do that when all your hope has completely gone.

[talaniman]

You already know you cannot control another, but you can protect yourself from their deceit, and that's what you have to do.

The best thing you can do for your children, is take care of yourself, health wise, and be there for them, and continue on, until they can take care of themselves.

It's a long hard road, and your story is heartbreaking, but you must rebuild, and get back your own drive to your happiness, without this fellow, so you can share your good heart with them.

You have been through a lot, and it will take time to recovery from it.

[DazzaGal]

How are you? Are you happy in your life? Am I allowed to ask you questions like that, I do appologise if I'm not meant to.

[DazzaGal]

I didn't realise just how much I have been hurting emotionally, as I said I broke up with my ex initially 7 months ago now, we didn't see each other for two-three months and then we started to see each other again all on his terms and for me myself not knowing what was actually going on, giving him space and being there for him when he wanted to talk or spend time with me-its been 29 days now since I told him that I didn't want to be treated with no respect, and that I didn't deserve to be treated that way and if he couldn't treat me with respect then maybe it would be best for us to part- I didn't actually want us to split, I wanted him to say that he didn't want to treat me that way either, and realise what he was doing to me, he said he would call me in a month and see where we were both at after having some space( I feel he did this to keep me hanging on yet again)(which is obviously working cause here I am at 29 days worried and anxious yet again) and the month is nearly up, we have had no contact like I said for 29 days, if I'm honest I don't the reasons people do this to people that they love or even they don't love them(they once did right) I know that he has not got into anything with anyone else, in any way- yes he is getting on with his life, as I have had to do-to a point, but he doesn't want seem to want to let it go completely, he always did like having the control and yes I do see that more now than I ever did- but seriously how and when will the pain stop? I still don't feel any better than I first did, it has been a long time, I know that NC is the way to go and I understand the reasons for that, but isn't this supposed to be getting easier by now,
I read other peoples storys and I sometimes even comment, and I can see that there situations arnt that diissimilar from my own in many ways, I can see clearly sometimes what it is they need to do, but I don't seem to be seeing things for myself. I'm so confused still.

[DazzaGal]

Hey there again, its been a while that I have been on here, there are some good things that have been going on in my life I have been slowly picking up the pices after my relationship ended. It has and still is very tough I have many bad days but I've been starting to have some good days as well! At last!
I just wanted to ask a question just to clear some things in my mind if that's OK?
As I have mentioned before the last time I had contact with my ex, I asked him not to treat me the way that he was treating me because it wasn't right or fair-i deserve to be treated well as does he, so I was very honest with him and told him that I felt somewhat used by the way he was with me, as much as I hated saying any of this I had to for my own sanity I suggested that maybe we shouldn't see each other if he couldn't treat me with the respect that I deserved and the same respect I gave to him, him his answer was maybe we should take a break, and see where we are both at after a month!
I asked him not to do the month thingy-but he made it clear that he would stay in contact, and that he woulkd ring me after that month was up.
Now that month was up sometime ago, I believe it has been around 2 months but I have been trying not to count the days as I had origionally been doing in the first place, but it just so unbearable knowing the month had come and gone and he hadn't called, it then went past and still no call-
I was beating myself up with all the usual stuff I suppose, how could he just not care? Didn't I mean any thing to him?
I love him so much so how could he do his to me?
I am not happy by any means, but I have been slowly getting myself back together
I have had no contact at all, we don't see each other in passing, we don't text or call, nothing
There have been no accidental meetings on eitherside, either by accident or intentional(that I am aware of anyhow)

So then yesterday it came as a bit of a shock when..
As I was driving my son home from school my ex partner was sat down the road which leads to my sons school talking on his phone, now this may sound like I'm reading something...
I really don't know what or hhow I see this,
If I can just explain...
My son finishes early one day a week as he goes to a special unit, we now live in different towns although not 2 far away from each other, there is no need for him to have been down that road at that exact time of day, it is a dead end and only leads to the school! But of course he would know the routine I have to keep 4 my children and there schools.
I didn't stop- I'm not even sure if I smiled, I really don't know weather my mouth was wide open and I was catching flies!
He watched me as I went by, hiding behind sunglasses and talking on his phone.
Would someone please tell me what this was all about?
If he wanted to know how I was, why didn't he call?
Did he sit there to mentally torture me somemore?
Did he want me to respond to him in some way- a phonecall? A text?
I haven't done either, and I feel good that I haven't.
But yesterday I was so angry, I didn't know what to think at all.
I do still love him, and yes I do miss him so very much, I knew that there would come a day where I may bump into him and that it would probably become awkward for either or both of us, but this just seems to be yet another game to try and deal with.
Is that what it is? So confused, thanks. Daz